The Journey

Leitha Pantazis slowly opened her eyes. She saw beautiful meadows with long, green grass, purple flowers, and trees speeding by outside the window. She smiled, enjoying the view while the train car she was seated in gently shifted from side to side.

Wait. What?!!!

She was instantly furious. She was on a train barreling down the tracks with no idea where she was going or how she got there. She took a moment to calm herself and organize her thoughts so she wouldn’t look like a crazy person when she interacted with the staff aboard the train.

She was completely justified in being furious, of course. What kind of business would look the other way while a victim, obviously unconscious and very much not in control of her own actions, was brought on board a train without her consent or cooperation? She needed to figure out whether whomever had abducted her and brought her on board was watching her, and might try to administer a fresh dose of whatever drug they had used to render her unconscious.

The last thing Leitha could remember before being on the train was arriving at the bus stop to ride to work. She had been on her phone, so she hadn’t really noticed much about her surroundings, but she hadn’t observed anything suspicious going on.

Leitha looked out the window to see if she could figure out where the train was going, but all she could see was the peaceful-looking fields and trees going by the window. They definitely weren’t in the city where she would actually recognize anything.

Instead of hurling herself out of her seat or making any major movements she carefully scanned her surroundings. She was alone in the row of seats she was sitting in, but her kidnapper could be sitting in the row behind her, ready to prevent her from escaping or becoming fully conscious and trying to call for help.

Leitha looked around as much as she could without moving her head. When she couldn’t gain any useful insight from that surveillance, she slowly turned her head without leaning away from her seat back, attempting to look like she was just stirring in her sleep. Satisfied that there were no other passengers near her, Leitha scooted forward in her seat and looked in the row behind her, careful to watch for hands reaching forward to grab and restrain her.

There were no passengers in the row behind her, either. In fact, there were only a handful of passengers in the train car with her. What could possibly be going on? People don’t just abduct people and put them on trains. There had to be a reason for all of this.

Her family was not an ideal target for a ransom. She and her husband Alexander (at her insistence) had worked hard to build a responsible amount of savings over the course of their working years, always putting at least 10 percent of each paycheck into their savings account. She hoped to be able to help her son and daughter pay for college when the time came, as well as being prepared for their retirement years. However, the amount of money in their savings was not even remotely worth risking prison time for.

She didn’t work in a powerful position that kidnappers could exploit for their own benefit, either. She had a customer service position at a cosmetic company, and her employer probably wouldn’t even notice if someone else showed up in her place at work tomorrow. She didn’t even know any trade secrets at her company.

Even Alexander didn’t have an important or influential job. He managed a small restaurant in Astoria where they had both grown up. The only thing he could do for her abductors would be to give them a free or discounted meal. The food was good, but not good enough to go to the trouble of taking a full grown adult hostage. Especially considering it had apparently cost them a train ticket.

‘Of course!,’ she thought to herself, ‘there must be a ticket somewhere that would at least tell me where this train is going.’ After checking all of her pockets to find them empty, and seeing that there were no bags or luggage anywhere near her, she gave up on finding a ticket.

Leitha decided it was time to get to the bottom of this. She looked at the other passengers, hoping to get some clue as to what was going on. She noticed the other occupants of the car also seemed to be looking around in confusion. She didn’t want to call too much attention to herself by standing up and addressing everyone at the same time, so she stood up and started walking toward the rear of the car like she might be headed to the next car or the restroom.

She felt drawn to a tall man with short, dark hair and light brown eyes in the back row. She was nearing her 35th birthday, and assumed he was near her age. After taking a seat next to him, she was relieved to be able to see the rest of the car, and hoped she would hear the door opening and closing if anyone else came in. The man she sat next to looked confused. He was probably as clueless as she was about what was happening on the train.

Now that she was sitting next to the man she wasn’t sure what to say. She paused for a moment before speaking. She was suddenly struck by the feeling that she not only knew this man, but they had always known each other. His name and how she knew him were an outright mystery to her, though. She was suddenly afraid that he could feel it too, and that he somehow knew what she was thinking. She decided that the best course of action would be to continue as if she hadn’t been brought to a standstill by her sudden, alarming recognition of him.

“How are you doing,” she opened. “I’m Leitha.”

“Michael.”

She wasn’t sure where to go from here. She wanted to find out what was going on, but she wasn’t sure how much she should tell Michael, or anyone else who might be listening in, about herself. She felt especially cautious because her initial reaction to his presence was so strong. The situation was completely alien to her, and she allowed the awkward silence to continue for a couple of minutes before trying to continue the conversation.

“So..uh..where are you traveling to today?”

Michael looked surprised by the question. “I wouldn’t say that I’m ‘traveling’ anywhere. I don’t remember getting on the train today. I don’t even have a ticket.” He looked at Leitha like he wanted to say something else, but stopped himself. She could tell he felt whatever she felt, but they both refused to acknowledge it.

“I don’t have one either. How do you get on a train without a ticket?”

“I wish I knew.”

“I don’t remember getting on the train either. Do you think someone drugged us and brought us here? I just don’t understand what they hope to gain. I’m definitely not good for ransom money.”

“Neither am I. My wife got everything in the divorce. No rich family, either. I got laid off last week, so I’m not even sure if I’ll be able to come up with next month’s rent. I’ve heard unemployment insurance can take a while to pay out, and it definitely won’t cover the wages I lost.”

A woman with purple hair and beautiful blue eyes sitting a couple of rows ahead of them got up, walked back to where Leitha and Michael were sitting, and took a seat across the aisle from them. She appeared to be in her 40s or 50s, but looked like she would always be young at any age.

“I’m Amanda. I realize it’s rude to listen in on other people’s conversations, but I am also in the same situation as both of you. No ticket, no ransom money. Maybe if we all put our heads together we can figure out what’s going on and what to do about it.”

“You’re right,” Leitha agreed. She looked toward the front of the car and discovered that the two remaining passengers were looking back at the group that they had formed. “Anyone else want in?”

A young blond woman who looked to be in her early 20s and a gentleman who was probably nearing retirement age, judging by his salt-and-pepper beard and kind brown eyes, got up and made their way back to join the group. The man, who introduced himself as Frank, was clearly skeptical about joining with the others. He was probably afraid this could be some sort of trap.

Claire, the young lady, looked relieved to find allies in her predicament. They quickly established that none of them had any memory of getting on the train, no ticket, and nothing in their pockets. Everyone also remembered being at the bus stop before being on the train. The conversation quickly moved on to what the next move should be. There was no indication that the train was going to stop anytime soon, so for now all they could do is focus on gathering information.

“Obviously there are no answers in this car,” said Michael. “I think we should form two groups and each head to the other cars to search for other passengers or any clue as to what is going on here.”

After some debate about the best way to divide up the group Leitha and Michael headed toward the front of the train while Frank, Amanda, and Claire started toward the back. Leitha looked back when the other group opened the door to the next car, but she couldn’t see much of the car behind them.

When they got to the door at the front of the car Michael paused before opening it, looked at Leitha, and asked, “Ready?”

“No, but we’re not going to find any answers standing on this side of the door.”

Michael smiled and pressed the button to open the door. They stepped onto the car ahead of them, opened the door, and walked in.

As soon as they walked into the car Leitha could tell it was empty. They walked along looking in each row anyway in case there were any clues in the car about where they were going or how they got there.

After coming up empty-handed in that car Michael looked at Leitha, shrugged, and moved to the next car. The next car was also empty. And so were the two after that.

“How many cars are on a passenger train?,” Leitha asked.

“I honestly have no idea. I usually fly when I travel.”

In the next car, though, they finally found another person. An elderly lady with a purple pillbox hat and curly silver hair sat in a row toward the front of the car. She didn’t turn her head to watch them cautiously approach her, but when they reached the row she was sitting in she turned and smiled.

“Hi Leitha! I’ve been waiting for you to get here.”

Leitha felt a wave of panic move through her and a tightness in the pit of her stomach. In spite of her current dilemma she could still feel the sense of social awkwardness she experienced when she ran into an acquaintance and could not recall their name. In this case, she didn’t recognize the older lady at all.

“I’m so sorry, have we met?”

“Of course we have dear. I suppose it was too long ago for you to remember. It was a blink of an eye for me, though.”

Leitha stared at the lady, unsure of what to say. She definitely didn’t remember her, but she could have been a friend of her mother’s.

“By the way, Michael, there’s someone waiting to speak to you in the next car.”

Michael looked at Leitha, unsure of what to do. The older lady didn’t seem like much of a threat, but he seemed reluctant to leave Leitha by herself in the car.

“You might as well go ahead and see who it is. I will stay here and see if I can learn anything new.”

Michael nodded and said, “Okay, but I won’t go any further than the next car. If you need me, yell.”

Leitha nodded. She watched as Michael disappeared through the door.

“You’ve known each other for a very long time.”

Surprised by the strange statement, Leitha turned to the older lady and said, “I’m sorry, I can’t recall your name. Mrs…?”

“Why don’t you just call me Alma, dear.”

“Okay, Alma. My group and I are trying to find out how we got on this train and why. None of us remembers getting onboard and none of us has a ticket. We also don’t have anything else in our pockets that would give us a clue about what’s going on. Do you remember how you got here?”

“I’m here for you, Leitha.”

“Did you have something to do with all of this, Alma?!!”

She had only just met Alma, but she didn’t seem like the type of person who would participate in a highly illegal, and immoral, undertaking.

“Of course not, dear one. Figuring out how to start this conversation is always the most difficult part, though.”

“Do you talk to people who have been kidnapped a lot?”

“Okay, first things first–you haven’t been kidnapped. You are not only on this train by choice, you actually created this train yourself.”

Leitha stared at the old woman like she had just sprouted antennae and begun speaking gibberish. She was at a loss for words until it occurred to her that the elderly lady must be playing some sort of practical joke on her. She wondered if there were hidden cameras on all of the train cars to see what sort of crazy reactions the passengers would have when confronted by the situation on the train. This must be for one of the reality shows that were always popping up on TV. She refused to look crazy by overreacting and giving the audience something to laugh about.

Leitha took a deep breath and calmly asked, “Oh, really? Did I fill out a survey where this was an option?”

“No, Leitha, you didn’t fill out a survey. There’s really no easy way to say this, but, …you’re dead.”

“Okay. This is not funny and I won’t play along with it anymore.” Leitha stood up, turned away from Alma with an air of defiance, and stormed off toward the front of the train. She went through the door to reveal–Alma sitting in the next car.

No way, she thought to herself. It’s gotta be someone dressed up like her. She walked to the row Alma was sitting in and looked directly into the face of…Alma.

“These people are good. You look just like the last Alma.”

Leitha went to the next car and, again, ran into Alma.

And again in the next car, and the car after that. Leitha continued in her journey toward the front of the train, seeing an Alma in each car she came to, until she finally gave up hope of getting any other result and sat down next to the Alma in the current car.

“How is this possible,” she asked.

“You tell me,'' replied Alma in a patient tone. “You are orchestrating all of this.”

“Okay, so, according to you, I’m dead and I chose to be on this train not knowing how I got here, why I’m here, or where I’m going.”

“Yes.”

“So if I chose all of this, do I have the ability to choose something else?”

“Of course. But it rarely happens that way.”

“Why not?”

“Because you are restricted by the beliefs you held in life. Most souls have trouble letting go of them in the time after leaving the body.”

“What beliefs?”

“The usual beliefs that humans hold: that your life is a test to determine where you will go after death, that you are going to be judged based on what you did during your life, and that it’s all over once you leave your body.”

“Then does that mean that the other passengers held the same beliefs as me?”

“Not exactly. The other passengers aren’t really here. They have moved on to wherever their beliefs took them. You perceive them to be on the train with you because they were the people around you when the bus ran into the shelter at the bus stop and you died. Michael and Claire are still alive, but you will certainly see Michael again sooner or later. You share a very special connection. Frank is currently undergoing surgery for his injuries. He hasn’t decided whether or not he is ready to leave.”

Leitha blushed at the relief she felt finding out that Michael had survived even though she, herself, was dead. “And Amanda?”

“Amanda departed shortly before you did. She walked down a path in the forest and has already reached her destination.”

“Why am I on a train?”

“Only you know that for sure, but I suspect it has to do with the trip you took with your mother when you were six years old.”

“To see Grandma and Grandpa.”

“Yes. You probably saw that journey as a wonderful adventure and chose this as your mode of transportation after leaving your body. Unfortunately, you've gotten stuck on the journey. Your fear of where the journey will end is keeping you from reaching the destination.”

“Where is the destination?”

“As I’ve mentioned,” said Alma, patiently, “the destination is up to you.”

“What if I don’t want the journey to end yet?

“Do you think you are the only soul to realize after embarking on this journey that you aren’t ready to see where it goes yet? Fear of the unknown is extremely common for humans. But you have to move past that phase of your existence. You will only be affected by the fears you felt in your body if you choose to be.”

“So if I can move past the fear, where will I end up? Does it depend on what kind of person I was in life? Are you here to judge where I will go?”

“I am not here to judge you, only to guide you. I’m here for support. Judgment is an entirely human construct.”

“Will I be judged by someone else, then? Some ‘higher power’?”

“There is no ‘judgment’ by a higher power. What will determine your destination is whether or not you are satisfied with how you lived your life.”

“I have done my best to be an honest person. I’ve always worked very hard to pay my debts and put money into savings. I have worked countless hours of overtime to make sure I could meet my obligations.”

“The point of your life was not to behave in a fiscally responsible manner. There’s nothing wrong with wanting security, of course, but it wasn't the most important aspect of your life. It was to follow the path you were called to follow. Only you can decide where that path will take you. You are looking for validation and I cannot give it to you. You must decide for yourself whether or not you’ve done what you needed to do on Earth.”

“But I did everything I was supposed to!”

“Humans go through life obediently performing the tasks they think are important, because that’s what they’ve been taught by society is important. How many of the hours you’ve worked and how much of the money you’ve invested in life are here with you on this train? In the end it is only your experiences and your memories that stay with you.

You’ve gone through life always looking to the future. You’ve failed to appreciate each moment for its importance. You’ve missed most of the movie by trying to fast forward to what you believed would be the ‘good parts.’”

“So how do I know where this train should take me?”

“You can ask yourself this question: do you truly believe you have learned and grown from your experiences on earth as much as possible? And do you know what you would have done differently?”

Leitha thought back over all the years of working weekends, holidays, and overtime to help her family ‘get ahead.’ She wanted to spend the time with her children, husband, and parents, but she felt like she needed to take advantage of the hours she could work at higher wages.

She had seen her parents less and less over the years until she found herself taking time off to attend their funerals. She had attended many of her children’s activities, but she had still missed important milestones in their lives because she had to work. She had felt like she was making an honorable sacrifice at the time, but now she realized it was time she would never get back.

All of a sudden it occurred to her that she had missed out on the things in life that were truly important. She knew for sure that if she could do things differently she would find a way to prioritize the things in life that truly mattered.

“I want to go back. I’m not done yet. Will I have a body to go into? Is it too badly damaged to go back to life?”

“Don’t worry about what happened to your body. It’s an illusion. It always has been, if I'm being honest.”

Leitha opened her mouth to ask how she could get back to her body, but suddenly Alma was no longer in front of her. Her husband, Alexander, was looking down at her with tears in his eyes. “Leitha, you’re back!”

“You knew I was gone?”

“Yes, Agapi mou, you were gone. You died. But then you came back.”

“What happened to the others?”

“Everyone survived except one lady. Her name was Amanda Nelson. She didn’t make it.”

“I guess she completed her journey.”

Alexander gave her a sad smile. “I guess so. I hope she had a happy life.”

“I’m sure she did it right the first time. As soon as I am released from the hospital I want you and the kids and I to take a vacation. We are long overdue to spend some time together as a family.”

“That sounds perfect.”