The Intruder
Through the Keyhole challenge
I could see them earlier today. My keyhole looks into the hallway, but I can see into the living room too, occasionally catching glimpses of my favourite family. The long luscious blonde locks of Gabi, that flowed behind her like the veil she's wearing in the picture in the hallway. The tall handsome Zack, with large rippling muscles in his shoulders as he lifted little Ava high up in the air. The perfect family, illustrated well by the perfect pictures on the wall opposite my peephole.
This morning I smelt Gabi before I saw her, I remember holding my breath so I didn't make a noise to alert her as she came near, the light beaming in through the keyhole blinked off then back on, as she swished past the door I was kneeling behind. Flowers and cherry were the perfume flavours that drifted in to me, it lingered behind her as she made a second pass of my door and I inhaled, taking it all in, enjoying every last millisecond of the beautiful fresh smell she radiated.
I could hear Zack upstairs playing with Ava, her laughter made that obvious. My chapped and scabby lips unwillingly spread into a broken smile as I imagined myself in their position, having fun, playing games. I can't wait for it to be my turn, I thought as the wonderful smell of Gabi made a third pass in as many minutes.
The day was passing like any other, Zack came downstairs, and my keyhole blinked at me, alerting me he'd passed by, and was passed his morning coffee, which I heard him gratefully receive with a thank you and a kiss. It was a short amount of time after that in which he passed by again saying goodbye to his young family as he headed off for work.
Periodically throughout the day I would check the keyhole, but there wasn't anything to see. Occasionally my light blinked, and I'd smell flowers and cherry as her light fragrance drifted in through my peephole and the cracks in the door. My favourite time to watch though is always when Zack comes home from work. He always gives Gabi a big hug in the hallway, I get to watch as she greets him home with a kiss, and then the three of them, the perfect family, spend time together in the living room.
So today, when Zack got home, I pressed my face against the door, eager to watch the encounter up close. My eye, the good one, peered through the keyhole, watching, greedily taking in as much as my eye could see. I love watching, and I'm very good at staying quiet. I was taught well.
The joy they were having as a young family was palpable. It resonated with me each time they threw the little one up and caught her, each time little Ava had a laughing fit so long and loud that it caused her two young parents to join in.
I salivated to the smells of dinner as I listened to Gabi throw something together. “A mish mash of leftovers.” is what I heard her call it, it was the most delicious thing I've smelt in weeks. They were living room eaters, I saw Gabi take through the two plates and a small tray for Ava. The smells drifting in through my door were sending my stomach into overdrive. Worried that they would hear it, I pushed myself as far back from the door as I could.
The knife scraping on the ceramic bowl, sounding like my long unkempt cracked nails on a chalkboard, indicated the end of their dinner. So I pushed myself as far from the door as I possibly could, to make as little noise as possible.
The light blinked again, and the sound I loved so much of the key unlocking my door. I shielded my eyes as the bright glaring light of the outside world encroached my space. My plate of dinner was thrust into my long skinny fingers and without a glance at me, Zack took my dinner plate from yesterday. The door closed behind him, and was locked, leaving me to eat peacefully, in the dark.
“Thanks daddy.” I croaked weakly to the locked door, before I picked up my pasta, savouring the taste on my fingers.
About the Creator
Liam Storm
I currently work as a thatcher, but love the art of writing a narrative, currently I am working on putting my ideas onto paper and creating a book. In the meantime I create short stories to keep myself, fiancée and two dogs entertained.

Comments (5)
"Thanks Daddy".... two words that make a giant plot twist!! 😳 Congrats on Top Story Liam and good luck in the challenge!!
Amazing! Congrat!
A dark turn! Well done!
Wow! Very interesting! Congratulations on TS too!
Wow, that is some intense writing. You really made me feel that small, dark space. You did an amazing job making that scene so vivid. The smells, the sounds, and especially that final twist about whose eyes you were looking through. Congrats on your Top Story!