The "Ins And Outs"

She met him on-line. Maybe that was the only red flag she needed.

Sarah never liked dating, even when meeting in the most conventional of ways. Shopping online worked for clothing, housewares and shoes, even then, at times you need to return something, or you discover that you fell for the latest scam.

Picking a guy online like groceries, somehow, didn't feel right.

All of her girlfriends encouraged her to get back in the game, but dating following a divorce is difficult. Harder still, when trust had been shattered in front of her, like a test run at a ford pinto crash site.

But late one evening, after they had been taste testing the wine at the bottom of the bottle, they decided to work on her "lots of fish" profile. She googled a blobfish, and busted out laughing, saying "have you guys actually seen the pick of fish in the sea? This is what I have to look forward to."

After a good laugh, they got down to business swiping. "Ugh, no -left, he's cute -right - right, OMG, no -hard left! She excused herself from the surfing and snuck off to get some air, as her girls kept shopping.

She came flying back into the room as she heard them all collectively screaming. "OMG guys, what's going on, is everything ok?" They all moaned with delight, pointing at the screen. Sarah made her way around the sofa; she squinted into the bright light of the Dell - and saw the most attractive man she had ever laid her eyes on.

"Oh, there is NO way he is single, or real for that matter. He has to be a catfish. What does it say about him?" she asked, hoping maybe he would make more sense in the profile.

Profile: Jarod Nesser, age 37. Occupation: Conservation officer, Hobbies: Writing short stories, and antiquing. Going to the beach, hiking, and pizza. I love dogs and camping. I used to like to hunt, but don't have it in me to kill anymore, life is too precious. Status: Divorced, 7 years. I'm looking for a friend, someone who loves to laugh, but isn't afraid to open up and be real. I am ready to invest my time into making something that lasts.

Sarah didn't swipe, she didn't speak. She sat down on the edge of the chair and sighed. "He can't be real, it's like he used an AI to fill this out." Before she could close the lid on the Dell, her friend Liz clicked on the "Lets meet" tab, sending Jarod, Sarah's information, showing her interest.

"What did you do?" Sarah snapped. I am not meeting this guy. He could be a serial killer for all we know!"

Liz snapped back in her snarky tone, "no he isn't, his profile said he doesn't like to kill anymore, so you're safe. " They all laughed and began, one by one, heading home. As Sarah washed her face and climbed into bed her computer dinged. She sat for a moment, staring at it. "It can't be." she said aloud. She kicked her blanket off and grabbed the laptop, resting it on her knees as she peeked under the lid.

"OMG, it is him, how desperate must he be to respond so quickly? Shit."

She clicked onto the site and opened the message he sent, it read:

Sarah, first of all hi, I'm Jarod, I know you know that, sorry. Secondly, I hope I'm not out of line saying, you are incredibly beautiful, not just looking, your profile is so detailed and forthcoming. You don't get that kind of honesty very often. Thank you for reaching out. I will leave it up to you whether you want to communicate and eventually meet. If it helps, I would love to meet you in person. They make great pizza at the Turf. You have my info, goodnight.

She re-read his profile, gazed at that face and thought, what the hell. She replied:

"We obviously know what we want, let's meet. See you at the Turf, Friday at 8?" She received a response almost immediately, "Sounds great!"

At the bar, she anxiously peeled the label off of her beer.

As she looked around, she thought the bar seemed a little eccentric. It was filled with tons of hunting memorabilia. Stuffed animals, and heads on the walls. The booth she sat in was adorned with a water buffalo, overlooking the table, and the far wall, had a gazelle, some kind of deer posed in eating positions.

She arrived early to get her bearings and maybe a couple drinks, to ease the nerves. As she waited, she overheard someone behind her say, "He did it again, I can't believe this lame act works, I think I'm going to say something. Her safety depends on it" another voice interrupted.

"Don't you dare, we're already in a bad situation, please don't make it worse. What good will it do anyway." the voice pleaded, "just mind your own business. If you say anything he may make us disappear. We've seen it before." Sarah was feeling uncomfortable and compelled to check on them.

She turned to see that the two voices arguing were a pair of silver armadillos. Standing at the edge of their table was a lion wearing a Turf T-shirt, holding a drink tray. "Uhhhh," was all she could stammer, they stared at her in silence.

Finally, the door opened, and it was Jarod. No one moved.

He saw Sarah standing there with her mouth opened wide, her eyes began to fill with tears as she noticed Jarod's face shift a bit. "Yeah," he said shrugging, "it's a mask, ha-ha, you caught me OR should I say, I CAUGHT YOU!"

Sarah's friends filed a missing person's report the following Monday. The only clue they found, was in her search engine:

"Skin - like a pro."

J- am

A

R - od

O - bviously, until

D - ead. And fill.