Collateral Beauty

Every night at midnight, the purple clouds came out to dance with the blushing sky. And on extremely rare occasions, the constellations could be seen dotting in and out of the cotton candied colored clouds, flashing and flickering like SOS messages.

Sitting on the edge of the horizon, angels would gather to listen to the songs of the broken. Cries for wisdom, strength, mercy and guidance.

On this particular night, they heard mine.

Our weaknesses were a mystery to the eternal, and they were enamored by our hope and tenacity.

Collateral beauty.

That’s what they called us. How do I know?

Well, I spoke with one, once, on the very evening they heard my song, my longing for mercy. Of course, I wasn’t aware of that at first, but it didn’t take me too long to figure it out.

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She was ordinarily beautiful, meek and unassuming, and she blended in with the other guests. Had I been in a different mood, I would have missed it completely. In my darkest moment, she stood out like a lighthouse in a storm.

I was busy, helping keep everything running smoothly at the celebration of life party, for my sister, Emma. 7 years earlier, she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Her prognosis, at first was encouraging, but took an unexpected turn about 2 years in.

I watched helplessly, as she struggled through the many stages of this cruel disease. She was so incredibly brave and patient. As I watched my sister begin to wither and change, I often wondered where her strength and courage came from.

A question that would be answered before the night would end.

Through the journey, we battled beside her, celebrating her triumphs and planning her recovery. And we sat with her, crying, when it became obvious that those plans were nothing but sweet dreams and wishes.

She called us all together one evening, to announce that she was ready and at peace with letting go. She wanted to plan a pre-death party. She had always been the center of attention and a control freak, and death was not stealing that away from her so easily.

Whatever Emma wanted; Emma got. And we were pleased to give it to her.

As I stood in the shadows, selfishly sneaking a cigarette, this familiar stranger approached me. "Hi", she said shyly. Pointing at my cigarette, she asked, "do you have one you can spare?" (Knowing what I know now, her bumming a smoke seems a little surreal.)

I reached into my coat pocket and extended the pack, her hands trembled slightly as she tapped the cigarette into her thin fingers. "Is everything ok, you seem a little jittery," I asked, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. As she handed the pack back, she leaned in slightly, for a light.

"Yeah," she answered, as quiet as a whisper. "I have my first big job tonight, I'm feeling a little anxious, thanks for asking AND the smoke." I smiled, trying to ease her discomfort.

"I understand the nerves, Emma has us all a little on edge. You just never know what kind of shenanigans she is going to pull. She is an ornery one, for sure, hi, I'm Evan, Emma's brother, are you working the party?" She looked up and smiled at me through the smoke and nodded slightly, shrugging her shoulders.

"Hi, I'm Celest, I'm here for Emma, I have been helping her prepare for the next phase." She looked away as she said the words.

A little surprised I asked, "next phase? I'm not sure what you mean. Are there next steps for stage four?" I found my voice elevating excitedly, in pitch and tone, as I spoke. She looked me straight in the eye, took my hand and led me to a bench overlooking the bluff. For a moment, I was lost in the beauty of the sky, the way the purple-colored clouds seemed to dance with the blush-colored sky, was breathtaking.

"Collateral beauty," she whispered. As she sat down next to me. I watched as the stars dotted a message through the clouds. Again, she whispered, this time in a language I could no longer understand with my mind, but comprehended in a place deeper than my heart, my whole body acknowledged the message. "Collateral beauty."

I began to cry, "You are here to take my Emma, aren't you?" Without words, she answered, yes.

After a short time, we made our way back inside to the celebration.

Emma spotted us in the back of the room and her face lit up like a dazzling star. She motioned for us to join her on stage. She held me close in one of the tightest embraces I have ever felt and said, "I am so glad you met her. I needed you to know that where I am going, I won't ever be alone, and I am not afraid. Celest has been with me for several years, keeping me strong and peaceful, she is my guardian." Her entire body beamed with happiness.

"We were waiting for you to let go."

Then, she took Celest by the hands and said, "I'm ready."

The lights at the venue began to flicker, the very same pattern as the stars at the bluff, and suddenly it all began to make sense to me. The messages in the stars were my heart songs for Emma, Celest was letting me in on their secret conversation.

Before Emma dissolved into the light, I saw her transform. She was completely restored. The last I saw of her - was her beautiful smile.

As I sat on the bench, overlooking the bluff, longing for just a brief encounter. The stars began to shimmer - differently than before.

There it was - Emma's signature smile, blended into the midnight stars. She had become the very essence of the phrase, collateral beauty.

A part of forever, and always smiling.