The Importance of Communication

The bench overlooked the water, it was late enough at night that most of the pedestrians had gone home. I sat and watched the waves break against the wall as I tried to wipe my tears with my sleeve. The suffocating humidity of the day was finally lifted and I felt like I could breathe again.

I turned as footsteps approached the bench, just because attacks were rare in this city didn’t mean that they were unheard of. Instead of someone intending violence, my sister approached cautiously, carrying a bottle of wine.

“Lex? What are you doing here?” I asked, struck by her unexpected appearance.

“Liam caught the tail end of that argument before you ran off. When you wouldn’t answer your phone, this is where I thought I’d find you,” she said as she sat beside me on the bench.

This bench was special to me. When I was little, my dad would take me to dance class and we would walk downtown and have ice cream here when the weather was nice, and when he wasn’t deployed. The youngest of three with an army officer for a father, I treasured the one-on-one time I had with him.

This was also the spot where Jackson told me he loved me for the first time. It wasn’t actually the first time he said it. The words slipped out accidentally a few months before. We were eating pancakes and I was making some disparaging remarks about myself when he blurted out, “Stop it, I love you just the way you are!” and continued eating. At the bench, he made a production of it, taking me out to dinner and a stroll by the water, then saying the words while looking deep into my eyes. It was equal parts romantic and dramatic, and he denied the pancake incident.

“Want to tell me what happened?” asked Lexie.

“Want to open that bottle?” I retorted.

Lexie snorted and unscrewed the cap before passing it to me. “It’s one of Liam’s new vintages, I grabbed it on the way out.”

Liam’s vineyard had really taken off this past year. His hard work had paid off and having Tabitha back in his life, well, it was good for business and it was good for Liam. I don’t think I had ever seen him this happy.

I took a swig from the bottle. “Pear?” I exclaimed, “He added pears?”

Lexie nodded as I handed her the bottle. “I guess the pear trees in the back section were worth salvaging.”

“Wait, the pears are from grandpa’s orchard?” Our great-grandparents had tried starting a winery and our grandparents had tried growing an orchard, neither endeavour had worked out. We used to play in the trees as kids. At least, until I ruined it for everyone.

Lexie and Liam climbed up to the top branches, and I didn’t want to be left behind. I was too short, though, and couldn’t reach the ones that they pulled themselves up with. So, I jumped, missed and fell. I broke my arm that day. I kept it to myself, not letting on how bad it was. I winced when Dad picked me up in a bear-hug before bed. Six years old, stoic and fully in denial of the severity of my injury.

As if Lexie could read my thoughts, she said, “You know you didn’t get in trouble for falling, right? You got in trouble because you were hurt and you needed help. And you didn’t tell anyone,” she lifted the bottle to her lips to avoid my glare. I didn’t need anyone analyzing me right now.

She passed the wine back and said, “Now, what happened tonight?”

“Well, you know, if you’d been at the dinner, you would’ve heard most of it. How is Georgie-Pie, by the way? Is that Doctor friend of yours watching her right now?” I smiled as I lifted the bottle to my lips again.

Lexie frowned, “You’re really going to have to stop calling him that.” She punched me on the shoulder and apologized for being so late. Georgina just turned one and was running her parents into the ground. Lexie couldn’t stand being behind schedule. As a mother, she was learning to relax and be more flexible, even if it meant missing the occasional dinner.

The dinner in this particular instance was with Jackson’s parents and my family. Everyone was coming to Kingston to spend the weekend celebrating our graduation. After four years of study and work, I was finally ready to graduate from military college and receive my commission as an officer, just like my dad. I’d looked forward to spending this time with my brother and sister, and Jackson’s family, for months. Instead, Jackson, my boyfriend of three years, and I had ended up in the worst argument of our relationship.

Lexie stopped mid-sentence and looked at me, one eyebrow raised. “Oh, very clever. Mention the baby and get me distracted,” she took the bottle out of my hands. “No more stalling, spill!” Her tone softened as she put her hand on my shoulder. “What happened?”

“Jackson caught me off guard tonight,” I started explaining after a moment. “He asked me to marry him. No, that’s not right. He informed me that we were getting married.”

“Wait, what?” said Lexie, her eyes wide. “Start from the beginning.”

I relayed the story. We’d planned to have a casual dinner with Jackson’s parents and any of my family who could join us. I’d spent holidays with his parents and was always glad to see them. Jackson’s father was a pilot, just like he planned on becoming.

Liam texted that he would be there soon. I relayed that to Jackson. He nodded, his mouth full of nachos, swallowed and said, “Oh good, I wanted to ask your brother to be one of the witnesses tomorrow.”

I looked at him confused until he continued, “Oh, right! I forgot to tell you, I booked us in at 10:00 tomorrow morning at city hall.” I stared at him dumbfounded, “So we can get officially married? We talked about this, why are you giving me that look?”

We had not talked about this. We’d talked about marriage in the way that dating couples do, in that I hoped to one day get married and have a family. I didn’t come away from those conversations believing that I’d graduate and get married in the same weekend.

Jackson stared at me as if my skin was turning green. “This just means that we’ll get moved together, as a service couple. And it will give you the justification for your OT,” he spoke matter-of-factly.

“Wait,” interrupted Lexie, “speak English. OT? Occupational therapist? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“No, sorry," I replied, "OT stands for occupation transfer. Jackson wants me to switch to the air force. He says my degree is compatible and that it would be easy,” I spat the words. That was how the argument started. Jackson’s parents sat wide-eyed as we shouted at each other. Liam and Tabitha arrived just in time to hear the words that sent me running.

“You don’t need to be in the army! What are you trying to prove? Just who are you trying to impress? They’re not coming back,” Jackson’s harsh words echoed painfully in my mind.

“Oh, Charlotte,” Lexie said as she put her arm around me and pulled me in close in a hug. We sat quietly together and watched the water.

“When you were four years old, Dad took us to see a bunch of old tanks in a park. I can’t remember the base,” Lexie stroked my hair as she spoke. “Kids were allowed to climb all over them. But you, you thought they were just incredible. You pestered Dad with questions about how the engines worked, how the tracks worked. Liam and I just wanted to climb up to the top, but you needed to know what made them go.”

I took a drink from the nearly empty bottle as she pushed back to look at me.

“The army has always been your path. We’ve all known that. Even Liam’s disastrous time at basic training didn’t dissuade you from your dream,” Lexie pushed the hair off my face and continued, “What I don’t understand is, why doesn’t Jackson know that about you?”

Lexie was right. I sat pondering her words, my eyes unfocused on the distant horizon. For a software engineer, she had a therapist's knack to cut straight to the heart of it. I was crazy about Jackson, I hoped that we would have a future together. He was kind and smart, he cared about others and had a personal drive that I admired. How could he get me so wrong? After all this time together, did he not know me at all? To ask me to give up my dream, just because it didn’t fit his narrative.

“Lottie, I have a theory. But you’re not going to like it,” Lexie said as she finished off the wine bottle.

“Why did Liam send you?” I groaned as I rested my head on my hands.

“Stop it, you know why,” she retorted.

“Fine. Tell me what I did to deserve all of this,” I said dejectedly.

The moment stretched out, I chanced a look at Lexie and saw tears silently streaming down her face.

“You don’t deserve any of this,” Lexie shook her head. “When Mom died, everyone told you to take a year before heading to basic instead of plunging straight into it less than a month later. You didn’t listen. You wouldn’t listen to anyone. And I get it, you needed to be busy so that you wouldn’t have time to miss her,” whispered Lexie.

“But,” inhaled Lexie, “but that closed you off. You haven’t let anyone get to know the real you in a long, long time.”

“I do miss her. I miss both of them,” I confessed.

Lexie pulled me in close again as we sat and cried together.

“They would both be so proud of you right now!” Lexie affirmed in between sobs.

After a time, I managed to stop the tears and sat beside my sister in my favourite place. “So, now what?” I asked.

“Well, if I had to guess, you probably shouldn’t get hitched tomorrow morning,” shrugged Lexie.

“Oh, brilliant advice! Thank you,” I laughed.

“Liam can tell you about regrets and speaking out in anger,” I nodded as Lexie spoke. He had royally messed things up with Tabitha years before, but it was apologizing and owning up to his mistakes that had set them on their current path.

“Wait - you don’t need to apologize, well maybe for yelling in front of his parents, but you haven’t done anything wrong,” said Lexie.

“Will you quit reading my mind?” I sighed.

“I’m your big sister, it’s my job,” she shrugged, unphased. “You probably should talk to Jackson. Have a real conversation about your feelings and your dreams. It won’t be easy, but that’s never stopped you before.”

I owed it to myself to be honest. And if things don’t work out between us, my heart will break. Yet, it’s not the end of the world. But marriage? Engagement? It was safe to say that those proposals were off the table. Maybe our relationship could be salvaged if Jackson apologized for his part in the shouting match.

“Dad always said that if it were easy, everyone would do it,” a smile crept across my face as I remembered my dad’s many sayings. He seemed to have one for every occasion.

I would talk to Jackson, let him know just how important these dreams were to me. He would understand, or he wouldn’t, but I wouldn’t be caught being anything less than myself ever again.

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Hello! If you enjoyed this story, please consider leaving a heart or sharing! This story takes place in Kingston, Ontario during the graduation weekend of cadets from the Royal Military College of Canada and is the fourth instalment to my Pelee Island series. To read Lexie's, Liam's or their parents' stories, check out the links below. Enjoy! -Christina