The Ice Lake

I sit quietly by the frozen lake. It is freezing, though I can't feel it as every single physical feeling and all my emotions and thoughts are numb. I see the fallen autumn leaves sitting quietly, embedded in the solid ice of this frozen lake.

Frozen, like me.

All my thoughts froze in time along with memories of you stuck inside my head.

A tear falls from my eyes; it is so cold that it sits on top of the ice and does not melt.

The depths of my once warm heart are now as cold as the ice on the lake, and nothing but a hollow pit of darkness since you went away.

A snowflake falls softly, landing on the ice. This only serves as a cold reminder that Christmas is upon us once more.

Children will laugh and sing, there will be lights and colorful decorations in the streets and windows, and most will be cheerful and happy. These people will be celebrating, oblivious to the sad memories that accompany my grief of losing you.

It is getting darker and colder, but I shall not move until my melancholy moment of remembrance has ended.

We used to ice-skate every Christmas, right here on this lake. We would dance on the ice, laugh, and merrily sing; then we would sit here on this very bench drinking hot chocolate until we were warm again. Once the night was over, we would head home. However, you would say that 'my home was your home,' until my mum would let you sleep over.

Fate took over about four Christmases ago. We were ice-skating here on this lake, and the ice suddenly cracked. You fell through it and we tried to rescue you. We got you out, me, my mum, my brother, and my sister; though it was too late. Hypothermia took over and you turned blue, then your spirit left your body, leaving me behind and alone.

I haven't skated here since that fateful day that I lost you. I dare not in case I lose my life too.

I think we learned our lesson regarding the dangers of skating on a frozen lake; though it was a lesson learned too late, and we live with regret at losing you.

The snow is falling faster, and it is getting darker by the minute. I have to make my move now, or I might not make the long journey back.

I stand and take one last look at the beautiful glistening lake in front of me; it sure creates a beautiful scene in the snow.

I start to move, but I am stopped in my tracks as a beautiful gold colored snowflake hits the ground. You always had colored snowflakes on your Christmas tree.

"Christmas isn't Christmas without them," you would tell me.

A few more tears trickle down my cheeks, only this time they are warm. As I cry, I feel a warm embrace around me and I smell fragrant sweet peas in the air.

Sweet pea fragrance was your favorite fragrance.

I stop, just to feel and breathe in the present moment. I can feel your presence around me, I can feel your warm spiritual breath comforting me.

I want this moment to last forever, but I know that it is what it is; just a moment of happiness bathed in comfort.

I know that it is you, present with me in this temporary moment, bathing me in a warmth and love that I haven't felt since the day you left me here.

I hear a whisper,

"Merry Christmas," then all the feelings disappear and I am alone once more.

I remember the bunches of holly that I am holding in my hands. I quietly walk to the lake crying,

"Merry Christmas, I love you," I whisper as I place them on the ice, in the spot where I lost you.

I smile, comforted by the fact you are near, and warmed by our love.

It is true what I say about Christmas.

"The Christmas spirit always brings a lost loved one near.

We hold them closely in our hearts, all through the year."

(my own qoute)

I will hold you in my heart forever.

Every tear, smile, snowflake, and even ice will warm me. I will feel your spirit everywhere.

Merry Xmas, dear Xanthe.