The Husband, His Wife, Pat and the Threesome

So she says to me, "Let's have a threesome" and I'm like, "What?" And then she says, "I think we need to mix it up a bit" and I says, "Can't we just go to Butlin's or something or change where we do the grocery shopping?" And she says, "That's your problem! You've got no imagination!"

Well, I thought that was a bit unfair and so I says, "I've got imagination. I just don't need to have sex with strangers" and she says, "It wouldn't be a stranger. It would be Pat. From the pub."

Pat from the pub. She's a looker. And she's got assets, you know what I mean? I was tempted. If anyone could set a spark off, Pat could.

So I says, "Okay. As a one-off, I'm prepared to give it a go," like the martyr I am.

*

She's done all the arranging. "Pat's on board," she says. "We'll meet round at 'is."

"His?!" I says. "What do you mean, ''is'? Pat's a bloke? With those tits?"

She looks at me all shocked and says nothing for a bit and then narrows her eyes and her face goes all savage-like, and she says, "Oh, I know who you mean! Pat the barmaid! No wonder you was so keen!"

Oh, she was mad! Started hitting me with the tea towel and calling me a "dirty bugger" and a "lech" and much worse. She says, "I can't believe that you only agreed because you thought it was her!"

We had a right old row about it. I didn't get her! You'd think I'd been shagging Pat already the way she went on about it!

Anyway, turns out it wasn't Pat the barmaid; it was Pat from the darts' team that she was on about. Six foot tall welder with tattoos!

I mean, he's a nice bloke, plays a mean game of darts but I wouldn't want to go to bed with 'im, with the missus there or not! 'Bout the only thing I'd think about sharing with 'im is a taxi home.

So, she called it off. Says she's gone off the idea of either of us with someone else.

Funny that, eh?

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