The Hot box

The hot box

Too optimistic and confident I might’ve been. My big smile and Florida sunshine energy walking down the halls of hell. I ignored all the warnings buzzing in my ears “Be careful they’ll get you”. “You’re too pretty, you don’t belong here.” Most common “How did u end up here?”

My overly zealous spirit just felt these people clearly, didn’t get out doors enough. A little kindness and they’d see I’m only here for a season, yet I’d fit right in. I was excited to be working again. Excited to get back into the rhythm of things. The job is simple and my stint would be short-lived, so I thought. All I had to do was be kind cordial and lay low. Not too social and be sure to not assert myself as a threat.

Hell If I’m good at my job; I won’t be seen as a problem.

Makes me laugh how basic my thinking level was on. I had just positioned myself into the narcissistic asylum of downtown Manhattan.

In other words all that starts well doesn’t end well.

Little did I know ‘King Saul’ already had her eyes on me studying my every move. Deciding if I was to be disregarded or if I’d bring disruption to the kingdom shed so carefully crafted into place. I had no idea I was being hunted.

What? Why’d I say that?

You’re trying to understand why I call her my boss ‘King Saul’, lol yea I know. That’s not her actual title but I’ll return to her in a bit. Another predator had started luring me in his little web, before I’d even got comfortable in what would be my 2nd desk change of many that would come. I call this little game ‘musical chairs’. Not sure if it’s an intimidation factor or just another puzzle to the mindless games played on the newbies.

Anyways I had entered the ring and the first game had begun to be spun by; let’s call him

Spawn of satan!

A Very creative; yet a pretty precisely choose name. I’m not sure, I can express in so little words why the name fits so accurate on his chapter in my life. Till this day I fear so many other unlucky women will grow to know the same.

He wasn’t the prettiest I’ll admit; yet very shy, almost dorky; he seemingly had no game so I felt safe.

Satan jr started off as playful, truth be told he was so subtle I wasn’t even sure he was into me or just conveniently seemed to always be within arms reach.

My spidey senses did cue in a bit when I realized the ‘hot box’ ladies had pre game season tickets on me and whenever I’d notice them gawking; seems he was always close by to me. I took note we were being watched on the regular. He was never too direct or made me feel uncomfortable as the other guys did. Against my better instinct the fact that I couldn’t put my finger on him lead me to let down my guard, he seemed pretty harmless.

He made me smile and kept me laughing, we worked such long hours and given he was my superior within my department; him being around so often didn’t rub me as suspicious. When it came to work he appeared focused and precise at his job. Given he was a trainer and I was possibly one of the top workers; I seem to gain a lot of work directly from him and we were often placed together on assignments.

I assumed it was because I was good at my work and ‘King Saul’ allowed him to pick whomever to work with; I didn’t mind that I was always 1st choice.

When we worked late hours and weekends we often took the same company car home, being that we only lived a few miles apart. This gave us more time to engage in conversation.

To be honest I still remember I enjoyed every moment with him. There was just something about his energy towards me.

He found little ways to compliment me and small light touches here and there; come to think of the connection, he was very charming o the point; I could not even see what was happening. He was often quiet among others stayed to himself; kinda the dark type you know. Even his tattoos and the art work on his desk screamed red flag. Yet his gentle awkwardness assured me I was being too judgmental.

Since I was newly single out of a marriage not tragically lost; it had been a long time since someone made me forget the hole in my heart. Seems I almost forgot the sad moments when he was around. Even though I poked fun at him maybe to keep my ground; I noticed a time or two I fell soft in his presence. I’b be lying if I say I didn’t feel a nervous energy between the two of us.

Still, I had no intentions for him. The only thing was I knew I looked forward to the attention he lavished on me. I was a fish being baited in slowly and the entire ‘hot box’ was sitting back with popcorn enjoying the show.

I still knew very little on him and he knew even less about me; so when he text me to ‘hit him up over the weekend ‘In case I’d missed him.’ It read.

I laughed him off. He seemed presumptuous, yet I liked it.

Without consciousness I swiftly replied back “ I may have some free time This Sunday.” He replied. “Sounds good I’ll take you out.”

By the next day I had instant regrets. I didn’t want to go out with this guy. I wasn’t interested in anything yet at the same time I was conflicted. I needed a good way to cancel on him, yet not offend him so I wouldn’t lose his interest. God forbid, I tainted his ego and he pulled away from me. I didn’t know what to do. A part of me itched to see him again and I didn’t want to wait till Monday.

So I ravaged my brain thinking of a way to cancel when all of a sudden. ‘Ding’ My phone chimed. It was ‘The dark prince himself’ “You better not change your mind.” The text read.

“Crap.” I blushed. I messed up; I was not getting out of it now. I was literally moments from cancelling and yet somehow I was lured back in. I felt anxiety, on one hand I was stuck going. On the other hand I was happy he wanted to see me too. No big deal, I thought.

It would be a simple hang out just not at work; wed chat up a storm, maybe grab pizza nothing serious. I can do this!

Sunday arrived and midday he starts in texting with all the prep questions. “Where do you want to go?” what food do u like?” “ I know you only do fish, no meat so I don’t wanna mess it up.” “ I haven’t been on a date in a long time.” “ I’m not used to doing this. What do you like?” He was on overload. The subtlety possibly wearing off with thoughts unknown to his prey.

“Dammit.” now I’m freaked out. This isn’t a date I thought. Why is he taking it so serious. Why cant we just hang out and relax; why all this pressure?

I was conflicted also very annoyed. Why was he putting me on the spot?

Who plans a date with a married woman—by and far I had not told him I was separated on my way to divorce; that was my reality. I wanted to seem mysterious and keep him at a distance. I needed to reel him in but I had no desire to be caught.

More nervous thoughts flooded my head. Great he thinks I’m a cheater going on a date sneaking away. I even told him I couldn’t stay out too late. He needed to know we were on my time only.

Lol. None of that was true; I just had to appear not fully available and if I needed an escape a husband sounded like the perfect alibi. I didn’t want this guy in my life; just close enough to access how I felt in his presence.

So the evening comes and we were meeting up at the mall. Somehow I made it before him. ‘Ding’ my phone goes off. I glance at it. There’s a pic sent to me. I open it. It’s a picture of me from behind, zoomed in. I turned around to see him from across the staircase smiling walking towards my direction. Kinda weird, but I thought it was cute. Is that a red flag? I don’t know u decide.

Here we go; although this dinner was chill and good vibes it’s the date that would open the door to another dimension of public scrutiny humiliation confusion insane escapades borderline insanity an entire year of sex tequila and madness. This would be the rollercoaster they should’ve plugged into squid games extreme circuit 2.0. I did not have a safety harness.

We waited around a bit for seating in the restaurant he was mostly on the phone with his ‘sis’ Some kind of drama between the women in his life going on and he was the sweet son keeping conflict to a minimum. He even let me listen in on some of the drama. Hed later apologize 20 times being that our long date ended earlier than we wanted; due to a phone call where his family drama had turned into a knock out championship. Truth, if we were together any longer that night wed both be wearing the same clothes to work.

Back to dinner….

The dinner was simple we talked on about where we were from, growing up and previous relationships. Views on religion. Which he made clear, he didn’t believe God existed and asked if I would have an issue with that. Hmmmm Moral check? Red flags a waving.

I didn’t mind; I’d gone through a season of my own struggles with God.

He opened up about a time he’d been unfaithful in a relationship and his views on the side piece. This triggered my need to redeem his views on my ‘so called’ date affair. I felt led to confess there was no husband home waiting for me, that I simply wasn’t that kind of girl. I told him my husband lived down the hall from me, 2 doors away and we were separated pending divorce. I made it clear I was single technically, ‘not creeping.’

He stiffened up a bit and stated “Did u say that for me or for you?” I thought on it. “hmmm.. For me I guess.”

The awkward moment passed; I felt relaxed with him. Could be the 1 drink I had or the fact that we had already spent so many hours working together prior. Earlier when the waitress seated us, I told him to sit next to me not across from me. Not sure if I wanted to sit next to him or it was me subconsciously trying once again not to make this ‘date like’ and more friendly. Truth be told; I never liked that sit across stuff was to awkward for me. For some reason I sure didn’t desire space between us. After dinner we caught a movie, not even a movie I cared for just neither one of us wanted to go home and it was pouring rain, so going out was not an option. During the movie he seemed pretty anxious because a group ahead of us were being loud and obnoxious. I notice his intermitted breathing and frustration; so I begin to lightly rub his forearm. As he begin to relax, I grew uncomfortable in the chair set up. You know movie chairs aren’t that comfortable with the arm rest in the way. So I simply moved his arm up adjusted the arm rest and stretched myself across his lap facing the screen. Yea I know sounds too comfortable; as if I were putting moves on him.

First, don’t get me wrong I’ve never pulled this off before, let alone felt comfortable enough to lay across a guys lap. Just felt right and he didn’t seem to mind. Talk about boundaries. Lol.

Not sure how it happened at some point he slightly lifted me towards him and planted one single sweet kiss on my lips. I didn’t pull away. That was new for me; I’m usually pretty dodgy in the early stages.

I laid back on his lap and dozed in and out of sleep during the movie. It was a horror flick and I wasn’t that interested.

I was lucky that I woke up 5 mins before the movie ended; had no clue what happened; thank God he didn’t wanna reflect. When we were headed out of the theatre it was pouring outside; luckily my guy brought a large umbrella. We waited inside for the rain to calm a bit. He leaned against the glass window pain chatting with me when he went in for a reassuring move; where gently pulled me up to against him close, to plant a few extended kisses on my lips. I was slightly smitten although I was nervous, there were plenty of nosey new yorkers watching us in our own little world. I was more intrigued by how gentle & sweet were his mannerisms with every kiss or touch. He never felt aggressive or too assertive always very cautious yet alluring.

He was confident is his ways of affection yet had this sly of way asking permission with his body language finding opportunities to pull me close. I never figured out if there was great chemistry or a certain nurturing persuasion he had with a woman. All I knew is that my body was a magnet to him and when he touched me our energies flowed like water.

Yea I know, you might be thinking this is an exaggeration. Truth is it happened so effortlessly it was almost unnoticeable; only the fact of allowing a stranger this close so soon reminded me how easy this was taking place.

Keep in my mind I am telling u this many years after the fact and of all the guys before him I never quite felt this connection that I had with this guy.

I can’t say, I had any feeling towards him or even developed an opinion on what I wanted from him at all. I just knew I was enjoying this moment with him; everything just flowed and he felt easy to be with.

He offered to carry me on his back through the lot, because it was so quickly flooded from the rain; he didn’t want me to get my suede boots wet. I declined. To be honest my fear was, my pants would slip down and my panties would be exposed to the world. #embarrassed.

So instead I walked quickly next to him under the umbrella and pretended my socks weren’t soaked from the puddles, I failed to avoid.

We walked quickly and hopped on the next bus. He showed me where he lived and talked me through his daily route to work from home.

When we got close to my area. I could tell neither of us wanted to leave, so I suggested lets go downtown. He asked what I wanted to do? I said “Nothing lets just ride there so we have more time together. Well figure it out once were there.” I’m sure it was almost 1am at this point.

He seemed pretty excited, and smiled. “You’re not ready for me to go? Me either. okay.”

The next train was due in about 15 mins. Not very long after, he frantically answered yet another call from his sister.

He paced back and forth mumbling on and calming someone down. This call went on for about 10 mins or so. He hangs up and looks at me “I’m sorry I have to go, they’re throwing fist blows now. I gotta go put a stop to this.”

“That’s okay I understand.” I said. He begin to walk me home, the rain had cleared by then. He continuously apologized. “I just wanted tonight to be perfect and it isn’t, I’m so sorry. I don’t want you to have the wrong impression of me.” He seemed so anxious and little embarrassed.

“It’s okay.” I said “ I know how family can be.” I begin to talk about troubles I grew up with between my brother and I. He begin to share more of things that had happened between the women in his family.

He shared quite a few personal things such as mental issues and depression. Some things that were signs this family was more than your average toxic. Yet I was so understanding and naïve, I didn’t see the flag race I was stepping into. I believed every word and thought he connected so well to me that he wanted to share.

After we crossed the street once we were at the end of my block; I turned into him and slightly stopped his walk. “I got it from here.” I Said. I wanted to make sure to not have him to close to my building entrance. Not yet; I’d need a few more dates to walk me to my door.

We shared a few more kisses saying good night. “Ill see you in the morning, or in a few hours” he said. I smiled “Yea.”

“Hey what are you doing Saturday?” he asked

“mmm. I don’t know what are you thinking?” I replied.

“Good I’m taking you out, get ready to have some fun.” I blushed . “okay” I walked away with a little pep in my step. “Text me when you get upstairs; let me know you’re safe.” He yelled.

“I will.” I said.

I wondered what he was planning for the weekend. Kinda Surprised I had so much fun and how simple yet comfortable the date was. Excited to see him in the morning, I couldn’t wait. Even more giddy I let him kiss me on the first date. Yet tickled over the fact that I liked it. I couldn’t remember the last time a date felt so chill and I looked forward to time alone with him again. I wished the night didn’t have to end yet. I knew I needed to rest; had to be up in a few hours for work.

The next week started off well enough at work, we’d pass each other with little smiles and giggles. Soon as I passed by him my phone would chime seconds later. “I miss you.” Or “I see you looking at me.” I’d laugh. He’d send little sweet messages throughout the day; even when we sat across from each other at lunch with a group of friends.

If we had assignments that were in different rooms, he’d find a reason to stop by my room for a few minutes just to look at me. In case I wasn’t sure and had second guessed his focus he’d be sure to confirm.

He’d text me to say “I stopped by to see you.”

He obsessed with reminding me that all he did was think about me. Was it all too much from the outside looking in?

Maybe in a different place and time; but again he always said everything in such a subtle or gentle way it never felt desperate. I simply felt connected. I will be honest there were moments where I felt I was allowing this to go to far; but the way I felt with him, I didn’t want to let him go, not now at least. My very pulse needed his warmth next to me. My head was in the clouds and whatever this drug was I wanted more. I needed him to look at me the way he did.

When he was giving announcements in the morning meetings and words would flow from his mouth.

Flow is a bit of an exaggeration he spoke intensely and uncomfortably; he was very much an anxiety ridden introvert. Lol. Yet his stare was solely on me; almost as if he couldn’t wait another second to look at me. I even thought maybe I gave him confidence or made him feel relaxed. He looked at me as if he couldn’t stop or he was just admiring what now had access to. Even when Id bashfully glance away, when I’d look back he’d still be locked in on me. He as well as usually 2 or 3 other sets of eyes from the ‘hot box.’

The more he focused on me without a care in the world the more it drew attention for our nosey co-workers to stare. I even asked him a time or two not to do it; because it made me nervous since everyone seemed to judge me. You know the looks.

I mean he’d stare at me as if none else was there; and on one hand I loved to be his focus; he had like a power draw to me. Yet I didn’t like all the other attention it drew. He seemed to careless and found it funny. Whatever he was doing he knew he had me.

A few months into dating we’d often joke about him reading my thoughts.

One incident in particular that stuck with me; we were debating on a subject of ‘something I did,’ he responded with. “You don’t think I know u better than you know yourself by now?”

I hesitated with all the studying he’d done on me, I wasn’t sure if that might be true.

We’d go out to little cute lunch/dinner places. He always had a sweet little surprise for me .He kept me blushing with sweet innuendos all day. He’d bring me my favorite ice cream on his break; no matter how many stores he had to go to find ‘Deluce de leche’. He seemed pretty hurt if he couldn’t get the perfect flavor.

To keep things leveled for me; he went out of his way to make sure I appeared busy and shinned through my work, so Saul and her team wouldn’t be on my back. Seemed they really trusted him or saw me as useful. By allowing him to taking me under his wing; I was stalked a little less by the hyenas in management. Sometimes I was shocked how often they would call on the both of us together or allow him to stay with me for extended periods. Now we both worked a lot but we often used this time to swoon over each other. Truth be told he made me feel seen. He always told me how smart talented or how beautiful I looked. He’d tell me he missed me just about every hour of the day.

Sometimes He’d grab me in the halls look me in the eyes and say. “Say I do to me” I often declined and refused to play this game. He would get a little frustrated. Sometimes when I’d get ready to ask a work- related question, he’d joke “Whatever you’re about to ask the answer is “yes I do”

It was cute. However I got annoyed when he’d press me to say ‘I do.’ And get upset when I refused “Id simply say “I don’t know what im saying id do to. So no.” so one day, I said “okay fine! I do” simply to not upset him. He smiled and walked off. I felt confused. These sort of games would happen once a week or so.

Laquell g 12-23-21

For 'Transition into darkness' chapter 2, respond in comments on vocal,