The hereafter.

I closed my eyes and fell asleep, slipping into the inevitable oblivion that was painted black.

Eventually, my eyes opened and they adjusted to the light; it felt heavier as if I had been taking a long nap but, I could feel the novelty in my body as it felt lighter than ever before.

Every ache in my body had disappeared, every pain, every heartache, gone and, all I was left was the memories and the subtle confusion of where was I?

My eyes adjusted to the new light and, as my vision became less hazy and clear, I saw white, everything white.

I was in a bedroom on a bed covered in a pristine, embodied crimson, white silk sheet with the most comfortable pillow supporting my back.

There was a desk on the left side of the bed and, three lamps were placed aesthetically on top of it in decreasing length with designs I had seen at an antique store before it somehow glowed even more in white.

The lamps on the table were each a different shade of white; the furthest on the left was the darkest. As they decreased in size, they decreased into a lighter shade.

There was a window on the left with eggshell-colored curtains drawn on, hiding the bright blinding lights, giving the impression that opening it would make the white room disappear. I got up, ran my fingers through the silken sheet out of curiosity, and walked towards the lamps placed at the mahogany table. There seemed to be no wires attached to them or bulbs put in as if they were staged.

I picked one up and stared at the characters like I had done in that antique shop before. The resemblance was uncanny, the hand-painted drawings of a dragon with his wings spread out and breathing fire, the people on top of the mountain crying out. The only difference was that they were shades of white and grey instead of the vibrant blue, red and green colors I had seen before.

My curiosity grew, I had no idea where I was, but I did know that I was dead.

I clearly remember the accident and the end. It had happened so fast I had no time to react, but I do remember the pain, the searing pain flowing to every part of my body. I could barely breathe. My eyes the only part alive were wide open and I felt trapped, as they slowly lost their strength too. The more I tried to break free heavier my eyes got till I fell asleep and woke up here.

I looked down at myself. I was wearing a silken pajama set,

“Oh, so much silk, how did I not slip off the bed?” I thought to myself, engaging in my unchanged humor.

I explored the room; it was spacious with a lavish setting and beautiful paintings on each wall all in shades of soothing white. I went up to each of them, exploring the details and contemplating how a single color can create something so magnificent. It was strange that I wasn’t scared or terrified of where I was. It was like my mind was at peace and, only my curiosity and other senses that supported my status quo were alive. But it was peculiar, this place. The purity and harmony that it was made from could calm anyone.

“Probably the reason they send people here after they die,” I said to myself.

I walked towards the window; I had saved it for last. I could see the white light peering from underneath and the edge of the curtains. I knew if I drew them, I would be flooded with the blinding light yet, my curiosity didn’t let me help myself. I drew near. My hands were now holding the long lengthy twins from the middle. As I was about to pull them apart, I heard a knock.

“Tak, tak.” The sound came. I decided to ignore it and continue.

“Tak, tak, tak.” It went again, more forceful this time.

“Tak, tak, tak, tak, tak, tak, tak, tak tak, tak, tak, tak tak, tak, tak, tak tak,

tak, tak, tak.” It went on till I left the wall and sprinted to open the door.

“Hello, Edward.”

A man dressed in a porcelain suit greeted me.

I looked down at his polished shoes. They were a shade of white I had never seen before. I continued to scan every detail, his chestnut eyes, coffee hair, the cut of his suit, his neatly trimmed nails, and his clean-shaven face.

All these thoughts raced through my mind. As I continued to stare at the kind-looking man without replying to his greeting.

So, he greeted me again.

“Hello, Edward.” He flashed his kind, warm smile once more, pulling me out of my trance.

“Oh, hi.” I stretched out my hand out of force of habit.

He grabbed it and gestured me to follow him.

And I did.

“I am dead, right?” I blurted out, I knew the answer, but we needed an ice breaker.

He turned around as he continued to stroll with both his hands folded on his hips and smiled again.

“Typical God,” I thought. “Didn’t answer me when I was alive. Why would he answer me now?” I rolled my eyes and he stopped as if he had read my mind.

I froze.

He didn’t turn around but turned right at the end of the corridor and gestured again to follow him.

“Like I had a choice.” I sighed.

It had been ten minutes since we had been in that corridor.

“Where is he taking me?” My mind raced again. But, the moment any kind of anxiety would arise, he would stop and smile at me like it was a pacifier.

After what felt like hours of strolling through that long, all-white corridor we finally stopped in front of a door. He took out a silver key and opened it.

I was instantly blinded by the insane bright light, I reflexively covered my eyes with my arms and kept walking without being scared, blindly following the man with the pacifying smile. He stopped and I bumped into him as he said,

“We’re here.”

I opened my eyes trying hard for them to adjust but the bright light was too much.

“I can’t see anything, it’s too bright.”

“Just close them again, slowly.”

And I did.

“It’s not working.”

“It will.” He said with annoying reassurance.

“Now, open them.”

“I won’t be able to see.”

“You will.” He tempted my nerves again.

“Ok, here I go. If this doesn’t work, it’s on you, buddy.”

And I opened them slowly.

The brightness persisted and, as I was about to blow my horn off, it started clearing up. I realized that I was in a garden, the most beautiful garden my mind could remember.

We were standing near a bush full of roses. The grass was greener than any grass I had seen before. It was deeper in color and stretched out as far as the eyes could see. Trees of all kinds and every kind seem to surround us, but it wasn’t a Forrest. They were all spread out like they were having an exhibition of their own. The roots were enormous. They were bigger than my arm. All kinds of birds were on all of them, chirping away and building their nest. They did not seem afraid of me. None of the animals were. From the smallest amphibian to the largest carnivore, I could see them all, living in harmony, in peace. This was heaven.

I turned to him and finally asked.

“Are you God?”

The largest tree of them all stood in the middle, like in the garden Eden. My mind quickly connected the dots as the kind man failed to give me an answer, instead, flashed his annoyingly calming smile at me again. The animals were gravitating towards him, he started petting a strange-looking deer with enormous antlers, the biggest ones I had ever seen. I was afraid to go near it but he continued to stroke his head as he enjoyed being petted and when he noticed me, he quickly retreated like he had sensed my fear­.

My mind was unable to grasp the environment it had found itself, I was seeing things I had never seen before, feeling things I had only read about in books, magazines, and heard on the radio. Peace was an understatement to what my mind had been gifted. It felt like every part of me was alive, more alive than it had ever been before. My skin was at a perfect temperature, it wasn’t too hot or too cold, it was just about right. My bare feet were tickled by the grass underneath while I slowly breathed the fresh scent of nature. I felt connected to every living being around me, the initial shock had been dropped. I could feel their happiness, their excitement, their peace. The only person I could not connect with was the one in front of me. As his frozen face stared at me, I asked again.

“You are God, aren’t you?”

He folded his hands in front of his stomach, let in a deep breath, and replied.

“No.”

I stared at him; my peace shook up.

“What? No, that can’t be right. Who are you then?”

He unfolded his hand, turned around, and yelled to the other side,

“I am the gatekeeper.”

My apparent confusion loosened my tongue further,

“You’re just a gatekeeper? What does that mean? Gatekeeper of what? Heaven?”

“No, of all realms.”

“Realms?” And my mind went blank.

“Yes, this is where it begins.”

“Begins? Begins what? I am dead! Death is the end.”

“No, death is not the end. Death is the conception of a new beginning. There is no true end or beginning. It was, is, and shall be as is.”

My mind was turning into fuzz, my knees started wobbling. I couldn’t absorb his statement, my mind refused to be wrapped around his declaration and was forcibly choosing to ignore it but my strong sense of curiosity that had defined me before had been engraved, and it jerked my senses to stay put.

“Death is a conception of a new beginning?” I repeated it to myself

“Yes,” he replied.

“So, I am not dead?”

“No.” He confirmed.

“Then what the hell am I doing here? Is there a heaven? Or Hell? Amongst those realms.”

The gatekeeper sat down under the tree and prompted me to sit beside him.

I swayed my head and continued to stand. He smiled and crossed his legs.

“Are you going to tell me now?” I inquired.

“I might.” He answered playfully.

I wasn’t in the mood, my magnificent peace had been disturbed, my mind was going topsy and turvy.

“Look you better tell me what is going on, otherwise.”

“Otherwise, what? Are you threatening me? In Heaven?”

“You said this isn’t heaven, make up your mind man.”

He fell back and laughed hysterically.

At that moment, I lost it and screamed at him,

“Is this a joke to you? I am dead and I don’t know where I am or where I am going? Why can’t you just tell me where we are? This leads to hell, right? That’s why you’re playing these games, to torture me. Answer me please,” my desperation left bare.

He uncrossed his legs, got up, and walked towards me. He lifted his hand and placed it on my shoulder, his smile completely disappeared, scaring me more. He looked right into my eyes and said,

“No, you’re not going to hell. You just came from it, why would I send you back?”

My shoulders fell, my knees froze, and the confusing question was asked again,

“What?”

Once more my mind had gone blank.

I stepped away free from his glance and his frightful sympathy and inadvertently fell back on the ground. My backline on the grass, legs scrunched, knees still frozen and hands clenched on top of my head.

The gatekeeper walked towards me and stood on top. He smiled,

“What is the matter? You asked and I answered.”

I immediately got up.

“You know what, I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” And I sprinted, bolted behind the tree away from his sight. Yet he quietly and creepily followed. I tried to put as much distance as possible, but he would still find me, finally, I found a tree cave where I could hide and slid inside without a second thought and took a deep breath, slowly regaining connection and mellowing down.

“I came from hell. “ I asked myself trying to wrap my head around the revelation, that cannot be right! “Where was the fire? The demons? The cauldron where all the sinners are deeply fried and all the other details that filled up every painting that was embedded in our memory. Taught to us every Sunday if you’re not a good Christian, you will burn in the fires of hell! And hell was on Earth or is Earth the actual hell? Ow, my head hurts again.”

“I can help you with that,” the gatekeeper had followed me or already knew where I was and had been waiting, either way, he stretched out his hand and asked me to come out.

I refused.

“I am not going anywhere with you.”

“I will explain everything to you if you’re willing to listen.”

“I don’t believe you and I will not believe a word you say.”

“You don’t have to believe me; you just have to listen to me. You can only believe when you know, and you will only know when you listen.”

I rolled my eyes, but he was my only way to make sense of this place and where I was and why I was here, so I took his lead. He made me follow him back to the tree and once again asked to sit on the grass across him.

I reluctantly obeyed.

“What do you want to know?”

“When did Earth turn into hell would be my first question and if hell is on Earth where is heaven? Would be second.”

I glared at him and as he was about to flash his stupid smile, I turned away.

“That isn’t going to work anymore, you’re through using that smile as a pacifier. I want answers now.”

“Of course.”

My eyes moved back to him.

“So, go on. Where is hell?”

“It is on Earth.” He stated.

“And where is heaven?”

“That is on Earth too.”

I stared at him. Waiting for an explanation and realized the fruitlessness of an unasked follow-up.

“Please explain.”

“Hell is on Earth. Each human, good or evil is given a choice at every turn and suffers the consequence for choosing whichever.”

“You mean like Karma.”

“Karma is different, although it does follow the same rules of whatever you sow, so shall you reap.”

“It’s the same.” I protested.

“No, it’s not.” He replied, undeterred.

“Karma is the reward or punishment you will receive in your future life for the deeds committed in the present one.”

“So, do we get more than one life?”

“Your existence is perpetual; it is unending and will always be. You only get one life in the human form you are given at the time you’re born. You will never be born again in the same form, that life will only come existence once; that is the rule.”

“So, hell is our state of mind?”

“Yes and no. There are different kinds of hell.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hell isn’t the picturesque you have been painted but it does exist. The demons are real, the pain, the anguish, the fire everything is real.”

“Then how come we’re unable to see them,” I asked as I took in each piece of information as calmly as I was capable of.

“Because they look just like you. Haven’t you wondered how some people can cause immense pain without even breaking a sweat? I am sure you can think of some examples in history.”

“So, all those people they tortured, hurt, or killed. They deserved it, is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

“No, not all of them did, some of them the angels couldn’t save in time.”

“They’re angels on Earth too?”

“Yes, that is how the balance is maintained.”

“I don’t understand if the earth is full of angels and demons, where are the humans and where is God? Was I a demon too or an angel but then do angels and demons die too? Like us? And why are they on Earth in the first place? Why can’t they be facing off in some other realm?”

He looked up at the sky.

“You ask a lot of questions.”

“Are you going to answer them?”

“Some maybe.” He stated.

“What about the others?”

The curve on his face reappeared.

“Which one then?”

He ignored my question and continued,

“Angels and demons are from Earth. It’s their home that is why they exist in that particular realm. Both angels and demons are nothing but human beings themselves, only existing on a more elevated position than their brothers and sisters.”

My mind absorbed as much as it could but more questions erupted as he chose to answer a few. My curiosity was quickly turning into a need, desire which the gatekeeper couldn’t quench fast enough. The novelty of this revelation was met with extraordinary anxiety like my mind was traveling at 100 miles per hour. The only question my mouth could enunciate was,

“Where is God? Why isn’t he helping his angels?”

“You have probably heard this before.”

“What?”

“That God is everywhere.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Oh the old God is everywhere, please if he was really everywhere, he would have taken care of his people.”

“His people?” He quickly asked.

“Yes, we’re his people are we not?”

“How do you know God is a he?”

I was stumped with disbelief,

“Of course, God is a he. That’s what it says everywhere, in all the holy books.”

The gatekeeper stayed mum. He roamed around the grass and left me hanging. I was about to lose my patience and scream at him again when he picked up a sparrow on his hand. The tiny creature quickly melted my heart and calmed my nerves with its chirping and, as soon as it flew away, he turned towards me with a solemn tone replied.

“God has no gender as humans do, neither does a soul.” His smile had disappeared.

“Your books describe God who appears like a man.” He continued and I listened to him quietly,

“God in actuality does not have a gender because the divine was never divided in half but was always whole, unlike human beings who need another human soul to feel complete.”

And as I breathed in the new revelation I realized the pieces fit. It was extraordinary that I never thought of it that way, even though it completely made sense. God was not incomplete, we were.

“You’re right. It all makes sense. All our life, whether we admit it or not. We look for our other half and find that one person that makes us feel whole. Go through each and every motion to fill that void. Learn, get an education, get a job, earn money and try to be the best version of ourselves to ultimately find someone who would love us and be there with us. Mira was the one who made me whole. She was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Who is Mira?” The gatekeeper asked.

“She was my wife. I thought you knew.”

“I know things.” He replied, “But not everything, I am not God.”

"Then what shall I call you," I asked.

"Peter. My name is Peter." He replied.