The Heart Remains Broken but the Walls Might Stay Intact

The heart remains broken even where it mends.

“What does that mean, Edward?”

The damned are damned eternally. Not one of us ended up in this position before being given ample time to mend our ways.

We chose damnation.

We chose damnation because we learned that the saved were never really saved.

All this talk of damnation and salvation, Edward, hasn’t gotten you any closer to leaving the ward.

The thing about damnation, doc, is that though we will forever be denied the perks of Heaven’s support, we are nevertheless a free actor, a variable, and even a determinant.

When the favor of the demiurgos is first withdrawn from us, we are left in a Hell of sorts, yes; but it is that Hell of separation which yields, once endured, to an integration back to the earth, which turns out to come with perks of its own.

This is the moment when we realize something was fishy about the whole game.

We may repent and join again the Hosts of Heaven.

At this point, damnation has yet to be chosen.

When did you choose damnation, Edward?

Many lifetimes have passed, and though the original memory is firmly there, I cannot place it definitively on any timeline, and I’m not even sure it happened in this universe. I think I may have skipped across a few dimensions over the aeons.

What did you feel when you, eh, chose damnation?

Power.

We're given power over others, we gain things, we experience things which Heaven would deny us.

We might go many lifetimes supping at this wellspring of power.

Power corrupts, does it not?

Absolutely! It corrupts us. About that the demiurgos are correct.

We lose our selves in what the Buddhists call the Wheel of Samsara.

But we lose our selves within our selves, not to something else, as the sentinels would have it.

In their world, Hell is separation from the source, and an end. They act as if nothing happens past that point.

But in our world, once we’ve traversed Hell and come out the other side, it is only the beginning.

The beginning of what?

We’ve left the comfort of home for the unknown. Once we cease to fear the unknown, we cease to fear losing protection against it, for many of us realize that the protector was no less dangerous than any other monster in the Abyss. It was, in fact, always the Dweller on the Threshold posing as God.

Once this realization sets in, it changes us so that neither Hell nor Heaven will any longer allow us entry. But Gaia knows us and welcomes again into her fold.

What happens then?

We become the protectors. We become the ones who must protect Her from Them.

And how will you accomplish that from your place here in the ward, Edward?

I can’t, doc, and that’s why you need to let me out.

You know I can’t do that, Edward, so long as you persist in believing these delusions. I know it's hard to accept, but you're not the first person to come here thinking you have magic powers.

If you refuse, Gaia will free me. You don’t want that.

How will Gaia free—

Let me out now, or I’ll be leaving through the space where a wall used to be, rather than walking through an open door.

It’s just a coincidence! You’ve no control over—

That one almost threw you out of your chair! No, I’ve no control over the quaking earth, but she does, and I am here on her behalf. If she must speak again in my favor, it will likely be the last word you ever hear.

I can’t possibly—OH, SHIT!—um, well, what I mean is, maybe you are in line for a review. Let’s see if we can get you out of here.

Sounds great, doc. I’d hate to see any more of your awards or diplomas crash to the floor.