The Group Chat Roast

“Guys, I think my phone is freaked out,” Mia announced in the group chat.

Ethan replied first. “Didn’t we agree last week you’re not allowed to watch horror movies alone anymore?”

“No, I’m serious! My autocorrect has gone rogue,” Mia typed back.

Lila joined in. “It’s autocorrect, Mia. It’s been sabotaging humanity since 2007. Get in line.”

“NO, listen! I was texting my mom about making chicken for dinner, and it corrected ‘chicken’ to ‘children.’”

Ethan: “Honestly? Sounds like your mom should be concerned about YOU, not your phone.”

Lila: “‘Hey Mom, let’s roast some children for dinner.’ I love it.”

“STOP,” Mia wrote, but Ethan was already on a roll.

Ethan: “Imagine your mom replying, ‘Make sure they’re seasoned well.’”

Lila: “And Mia’s like, ‘Don’t worry, Mom, I marinated them in teriyaki.’”

Mia: “I HATE BOTH OF YOU.”

~~~~~

The next day, Mia was back in the group chat.

“Okay, it’s getting worse. I texted my boss about being late to work, and it changed ‘traffic’ to ‘tragic.’”

Lila: “‘Sorry, I’ll be late. Traffic was tragic.’”

Ethan: “Your boss probably thinks you witnessed a Shakespearean car accident.”

Mia: “Can you two take anything seriously?!”

Lila: “No.”

Ethan: “Absolutely not.”

That evening, the group chat lit up again.

Mia: “Okay, you guys HAVE to help me. I just accidentally texted Ryan and autocorrect ruined my life!”

Ethan: “What did you do?”

Mia: “I meant to say, ‘Hey, want to hang out tomorrow?’ But autocorrect changed it to, ‘Hey, want to make out tomorrow?’”

Lila: “OH MY GOD.”

Ethan: “I’m dead.”

Mia: “THIS IS NOT FUNNY! HE REPLIED, ‘Wow, bold of you.’ WHAT DO I DO?!”

Lila: “Marry him, obviously.”

Ethan: “No, no, double down. Text him back, ‘I’m a woman of action.’”

Mia: “I hate you both so much.”

Lila: “You’re welcome.”

~~~~~

The next day, Mia updated the group chat.

Mia: “Well, I survived. Ryan thought the typo was hilarious and said he’d love to hang out.”

Lila: “Aw, that’s cute! So, when’s the wedding?”

Ethan: “Don’t forget to invite your real friends, aka the ones who made this possible.”

Mia: “You two are insufferable.”

Lila: “Autocorrect is your wingman now. Accept it.”

Ethan: “Just wait until it changes ‘goodnight’ to ‘I love you.’”

Mia: “BLOCKED.”

~~~~~

A week later, Mia was back with another crisis.

Mia: “Okay, so remember how Ryan thought my autocorrect mishap was funny? Well, he asked me out. We’re going to dinner tonight.”

Lila: “Let’s gooo! Autocorrect MVP!”

Ethan: “Hope it doesn’t change ‘yes’ to ‘yikes’ mid-date.”

Mia: “Haha, very funny. I need advice. What do I wear?”

Lila: “Something casual, like ‘I accidentally texted you but now we’re here’ vibes.”

Ethan: “Or full ball gown. Make him sweat.”

Mia: “Useless. Both of you are useless.”

That night, Mia texted the group chat from the restaurant bathroom.

Mia: “This is a disaster. My autocorrect has betrayed me AGAIN!”

Lila: “What now?”

Mia: “He asked if I wanted to split an appetizer, and I meant to say, ‘Sure, I’m starving.’ But autocorrect changed it to, ‘Sure, I’m pregnant.’”

Ethan: “OH NO.”

Lila: “STOP IT, I’M CRYING.”

Mia: “I panicked and said, ‘Haha, just kidding!’ but now he looks like he’s trying to calculate child support in his head.”

Ethan: “Did he laugh?”

Mia: “He did, but it was the kind of laugh that says, ‘I’m never asking you out again.’”

Lila: “It’s fine, just flirt your way out of it! Tell him you’re really into co-parenting vibes.”

Mia: “NOT HELPING.”

~~~~~

An hour later, another text arrived.

Mia: “Update: I thought things were getting back on track. We were joking about terrible baby names, but then I spilled my drink on him.”

Ethan: “Smooth. What did you say?”

Mia: “I panicked and said, ‘Oops, sorry, baby brain!’”

Lila: “STOP. IT.”

Ethan: “This is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Mia: “I’m never showing my face in public again.”

~~~~~

The next morning, Mia had one final update.

Mia: “Okay, you guys. Against all odds, Ryan texted me this morning.”

Lila: “SHUT UP. What did he say?”

Mia: “‘Good morning! Last night was wild, but I had fun. Let’s do it again—preferably without the fake pregnancy announcements.’”

Ethan: “LEGEND. He’s a keeper.”

Lila: “Girl, if you don’t marry him, I will.”

Mia: “I hate you both, but also… I kind of love autocorrect now?”

Ethan: “We’ll be giving a speech at your wedding. Title: ‘How Autocorrect Found Mia a Baby Daddy.’”

Lila: “Autocorrect: The Real Matchmaker.”

Mia: “BLOCKED. AGAIN.”

~~~~~

Two months later, Mia dropped a bombshell in the group chat.

Mia: “Sooo… remember Ryan?”

Lila: “Obviously. Did he run for the hills or propose already?”

Ethan: “If this is another autocorrect disaster, I need snacks first.”

Mia: “Actually, we’ve been dating. And last night, he said the L-word!”

Lila: “OH MY GOD. Autocorrect strikes again!”

Ethan: “He said ‘LOL,’ didn’t he?”

Mia: “No, dumbass. He said, ‘I love you.’ And… I said it back.”

Lila: “AHHHH! Our little chaos queen is in love!”

Ethan: “Wait. You said it back? Are you sure autocorrect didn’t sneak in something wild like, ‘I love lasagna’?”

Mia: “NO. But thanks for the faith.”

~~~~~

A year later, the group chat was buzzing again.

Mia: “Okay, you guys. Big news.”

Lila: “You’re pregnant FOR REAL this time?”

Ethan: “Autocorrect accidentally proposed on your behalf?”

Mia: “Close. Ryan proposed, and I said YES!”

Lila: “AHHHHHH!”

Ethan: “Wait, what if autocorrect changed ‘yes’ to ‘yams’? Is he marrying you or a side dish?”

Mia: “I’M SERIOUS! WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!”

Lila: “This is all autocorrect’s doing. I hope it gets an invite.”

Ethan: “It better be in the wedding vows. ‘I promise to love you, honor you, and autocorrect you.’”

Mia: “You two are impossible.”

~~~~~

On the big day, Mia stood at the altar with Ryan. The ceremony was beautiful, the guests were in tears, and everything was perfect.

Except for one thing.

When Mia read her vows, she confidently declared:

“I vow to always stand by you, support you, and… autocorrect you.”

The guests roared with laughter.

Ryan grinned, leaned in, and whispered, “Guess we owe our love story to your broken phone.”

And from the front row, Ethan and Lila yelled, “TOLD YOU!”

The wedding hashtag? #AutocorrectedForLife.