She is standing there, in the abyss, speechless, staring at Rebecca. As Rebecca walks up to her, she whispers, "Who are you?" to the ghostly girl. "You already know me... I'm Erin," She says, obviously angry and annoyed at Rebecca for not knowing her name. Rebecca becomes scared, backing up slowly, not looking away from Erin. Erin's grin becomes mischievous, causing a great amount of anxiety in Rebecca. The fear is noticeable and Erin takes advantage of it. All of a sudden, Rebecca sees Erin's knife in front of her.
She fights to escape from the corner she has now accidentally backed herself into while trying to leave. Erin grips her arms, preventing any way to get out of there. Rebecca becomes more violent after holding back from fear. She tries to loosen the grip on her arms, attempting to flair them for freedom from the grasp. She is unsuccessful and Erin places the knife on her throat, not applying pressure yet. Rebecca freezes again, being the most afraid she has ever been in her life. She cries and pleads, "Don't do it! Please, I can't die!"
"I don't care if you say you can't. You need to."
"Why? What did I do?"
"You tried as hard as you could to forget about me! You know you did and so do I! Every time I show up, you get rid of me! I tried being pleasant and friendly but you didn't accept me being anywhere near you!" Erin says, putting just a bit more pressure on the knife.
"I was scared of you and this is exactly why!"
After Rebecca finishes her sentence, Erin slits Rebecca's throat completely, ending her life.
It was at this point that Rebecca woke up, relieved to realize it was all a nightmare.
***
Thank you for reading. This is my first fictional piece for fun (outside of school, years ago), so any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.
About the Creator
Rene Peters
I write what I know, usually in the form of poetry. I tend to lean towards mental health, epilepsy, and loss/grieving.
Keep reading
More stories from Rene Peters and writers in Fiction and other communities.
If You Love Me, You'll Do It
I met Jason when I was five years old. I could say that I loved him from the moment I saw him. He was so handsome to me and I felt in awe by his presence. When they introduced him as the new kid in school, I wanted to be his friend right away. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember his smile and how he didn't seem shy. He appeared confident and ready to learn. I waved at him and said "hello," before anyone else could even say a word. He sat next to me, and I asked him if he wanted to be friends. He looked so happy as he said, "Yes!"
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Comments (11)
Ooooh, this is great. Despite the short word count, you manage to pace it really well and the tension builds and builds to the reveal! Oh, by the way, sorry it's taken me so long to get to your pieces for my Be Your Own Advocate Challenge. Things happened off-line, I got distracted and snowed under a little. Overwhelmed maybe...but trying to play catch-up now and glad I did as this was a great little horror! Well done, Rene!
Nice! Well done Rene, and an interesting twist!
Still gives me goosebumbs when I read it. reread
Rather relieving Deus ex machina... Would be interesting if the last line was excluded though!
This is great. The symbolism of Erin being the ghostly girl is intense. Right from the start Erin exudes the essence of death. I love this short yet dark tale. Excellent work René!
Good thing it was a dream!
OMG That ending- was not expecting that! Really well done! And congratulations on the first fiction! Looking forward to many more 🤍
Very nice for your first fiction piece. A nice surprise twist, which is what keeps us coming back for more! Keep writing!
I don't have any constructive criticism to give, so sorry. I'm not good at that! I loved your story. Lol, imagine if it wasn't a dream!
Fantastic!!! Loving it!!!❤️❤️💕
Wow!! I did not see the twist coming! What a nightmare! You did so awesome!!