The Diary of a Dark Horse

PRELUDE

My name is Alan Simmons. Al for short. I am a twenty-nine-year-old Black man that basically lost hope. Hope for a life that isn’t riddled with so much strain and strife. Hope for a future that isn’t to be lived with a lost soul and brought to a forlorn death. Hope for a future that is filled with a love I could harness and devote my all to. And without the tight fist hold for even the concept of hope, yesterday, I tried to end my life. A grim and melancholic way to introduce myself, yes? That’s the point. For a very long period of my life, I spent many days and nights in utter darkness, wondering when I’d see “the light” or once again appreciating the literal sunlight that shines upon us every day. I never wanted to live the life of a martyr, nor do I need to find the excuse to add the cliche narrative of my people, and other individuals that have many similar struggles as I have had. For there will always be people that come to terms and strive past the strain and strife. Those who have had even less of a baseline of hope and wrote their own miracle stories. So, it dawned on me today. The ugly, yet beautiful truth of my anecdotal reality has brought me to record the happenings of my life, for at least 99 days. I don’t know why the number 99. But I’ve decided at this moment, which may be of great impulse, that I have nothing to lose by giving a glimpse of Alan; what’s left of him and possibly what he could achieve. With my failures, including the woes I may write out and give way to the release of my own martyrdom, I decide that if I must live then I should give into the mysteries of life, fueling all possibilities of auspiciousness, and accepting the outcomes as they are. With a call back to hope, I will unto I am unable, the reins of my own noble steed. So that I ride into the horizon that hope appears to be. I, Alan Simmons, am a Dark Horse.

I’ll go by that moniker for the remainder of the journey.

A dark horse is basically a person or candidate of some sort that very few people know of and or about, yet overcomes and wins in the end. I think that’s very fitting of the person to be described in these entries. To make it even more inclusive, I’ve taken the luxury of subverting the people I know and will get to know for the time being. Everyone’s name will be something I believe represents their attributes, like colors, icons, objects, titles, etc. That way, if I did make that decision that impulse couldn’t, no one would be implicated or brought to trials and tribulations. I know this really seems like a melancholic read ahead, but trust, life is a mystery that can only be read if lived without expectation of what’s to be lived through. To me at least. Maybe this diary will help the melancholic feel happier about their own life, the pessimist becoming the optimist, the egoist to the person of great humility. For in this grand feat of my young life, a radical showing of truth shall set you on the path to your purpose... I hope.

“Benjamin Disraeli sees an effort being made”