The Day I Stopped Chasing Perfection

I used to believe the harder I tried, the quieter I kept, the more I did for others, I could keep my anxiety at bay. Every day I felt like I was walking on eggshells in my own home, trying to balance expectations between myself and others.

I was expected to carry the weight of 8 people: myself, a fiancé, and 6 kids. I cleaned, I cooked, I helped the kids, the kids had what they needed, they participated sports because of me. The minute I had to myself, I felt anxious. Why was I feeling so selfish to have some rest? Why would I suddenly get back up after sitting down?

Communication is key, but for me, it wasn't. Communication was "calling others out," it was "attacking them." My feelings were wrong whether I was calm, sad, happy, or mad. My feelings were because of me. I was "creating them myself."

One night, I finally had enough. I had a heaviness in my chest that I could no longer ignore. I had been "fine" for months, checking the boxes and staying on track with routines. I admitted to myself I was not okay. I was acknowledging the fact I was "alone" with a family. I was a Stay-at-Home Mother who was told it was my job, no one else's.

I remind myself it's okay to pause and it's okay to seek support. The strongest steps aren't pushing through silently; it's recognizing when to step away and care for yourself.