"The Chronicles of a Sarcastic Girl Who Just Wanted Chicken Soup and Clarity”

It’s not 3AM but she’s writing again.

She just watched a tutorial on Python indentations and zoned out 13 times in 11 minutes. A lot is going through her head, but she can’t unravel anything because her brain keeps circling back to one temptation — Kilishi. Yes, Nigeria’s famous spicy dried meat. The kind of spicy that slaps you out of depression and says, “Oya now, stand up!”

About 30 minutes ago, she was having a deep conversation with ChatGPT. Let’s just say: this babe is unserious. She started reflecting on whether she might have offended her “boyfriend” with her sarcasm, and now she’s rethinking her entire life.

“I should have just stayed single. There’s no fun in feeling bad over one small sarcastic reply.”

She has a test in 5 days. But instead of opening her books, she’s buried in old Afrobeats mixes like it’s therapy.

Her birthday is in 26 days. She’s not mentally ready.

She wants to drop out of school.

Her business is drowning.

And she doesn’t think she’s capable of being loved.

Why? Because she’s been seeing her “boyfriend” for over a month now, and guess what? He still hasn’t said “I love you.”

Disclaimer: Yes, that’s the entire problem. He just hasn’t said it.

And now she wants to do “hard girl” after she’s already emotionally (and otherwise) exposed.

She doesn’t even think she’s satisfying him — this man has been with other girls, and her brain is tormenting her with useless comparisons.

She just wants to disappear.

And if you think she’s journaling all of this in a cute notebook, you’re very wrong. Audrey doesn’t do journals. It’s either Vocal or ChatGPT — and one of those actually gives her feedback.

Out of everything happening, guess what she’s most grateful for?

The chicken soup her mum sent.

Yes, that warm, liquid hug came just as she was surviving on sandwich biscuits and stress.

“I wish I was happy.”

That’s her current favorite quote.

She’s convinced she might never truly be happy again.

“Well, I did this to myself. What was I even thinking dating a final-year student?”

To add to the stress, one lecturer clearly has beef with her. Her coursemates? Vibe-killers. No bonding happening there.

But there’s one bright spot: Denry. A new friend who makes her feel oddly safe.

And yep, she’s already friendzoned him — because of course she did.

Meanwhile...

“Oh my God! My braids are getting old,”

She says, knowing fully well she doesn’t have the funds to get them redone — and she refuses to ask her “boyfriend” because she doesn’t want to sound like a liability.

At least she’s wearing her jewelry. If sales are low, she might as well rock the products and pretend she’s that girl.

She was lying on her “boyfriend’s” bed, watching her favorite female engineer on YouTube, when her alter ego whispered:

“That could be you, but you’re in a man’s bed. He’s not even swayed by your presence. Have some self-respect, sis!”

She has a package to deliver tomorrow afternoon.

She has an assignment due tomorrow.

She still hasn’t written her lab report — from three weeks ago.

Also, her phone battery is now misbehaving — it drops from 36% to 1% faster than her self-esteem on a bad skin day.

And no, it’s not an iPhone. Audrey wishes. If she had an iPhone, she’d probably start faking accents and end every tweet with “as an iPhone user…”

Above all, she just wants to be happy.

She doesn’t want a relationship where she has to water down her words. Her words are her identity.

And of all bad habits to inherit from her mother, she chose the one where she keeps doing everything for a man even when she hasn’t received half in return.

Forget that boy from before — Jboy. He had nothing on this situation.

“I’m a fast learner. I’ll catch up.”

I really hope you do, Audrey.

Because this character development is starting to piss us off.