The Chance to Fall

I entered the well-populated work party an hour into its course, searching the sea of people for a familiar face. My job at a prestigious bank in London had only begun a month previous and there were still hundreds of people I had yet to meet. As I swarmed through the crowd I caught the eyes of many—mostly willing men—and expertly hid an instinctive grin. I was used to the stares by now; being exceptionally beautiful certainly made that a typical addition to my daily routine.

I expressed a quick greeting toward the few people I passed and knew but decided to venture deeper into the gathering before connecting with anyone. I had come that night because I wanted to meet more of my associates and possibly some new acquaintances. Moving to a foreign city certainly had its downsides, particularly in relation to friends, but I was determined to make the best out of what I could. My English had been improving after all and it had only been a month since my internship began. I could not imagine what several more months would bring!

The large, enchanted hall in which that party was taking place had several different rooms: some with food and others with seats, but all were connected through easy corridors and a steady flow of well-dressed inhabitants. I still could not believe how many people worked at the bank itself; it never appeared to be that many, especially in comparison to the many all the lower end staff members who's various roles kept busy amongst the rest of the hustle and bustle. However, I discovered and entered a room not hugely littered with people and sat down amongst several of them. I struck up a conversation with an older lady, perhaps in her late fifties, but not without noticing several young men goofing off across from me.

“So who are you guys?” One man asked the woman and me and a few others, his ear dangling with a peculiar fang earring and covered slightly by lengthy red hair. The three men beside him perked up in interest, indiscreetly resting their gaze on me a bit longer than the couple individuals beside me in which the question was also proposed to.

I answered last, my heavy French accent coating my name beautifully. “Rosalie Dupont.”

The red head, Jasper Evans as I knew by his reply, smiled slightly but our conversation ended there, as him and Thomas, who I later learned to be an intern from Italy, continued in their horsing around. Although they eventually lost my attention, for awhile their behavior was quite amusing.

Soon the party was in full swing: people chatting, flirting, and dancing everywhere. I took up a plate of food and sat down at a large circular table, surprised to see Jasper and the same general crowd from earlier seated together.

Conversation blossomed between everyone and as the night wore on I found myself catching the eye of Jasper more and more frequently. He was good-looking in an untraditional way and I found myself searching for an excuse to hear his voice repeatedly. Could I be imagining the glances he was passing my way? It was possible but I doubted it. My only worry was that he was not looking at me out of his own desire, but rather because I was continuously looking past the crowd and towards him. Even with my appealing looks (possibly even because of them) I am not immune to insecurities.

However, it would not take long for me to comprehend his intentions.

As it neared one in the morning, I dismissed myself for the evening and was surprised when I received nods and words of agreement. As we all bid our goodbyes, Jasper approached me and fear gripped my stomach.

“It was nice meeting you, Rosalie,” he assured as he outstretched his hand for me to shake.

I took it, smiling, and replied with a similar statement of words. His hand was large, especially in comparison to my small one, but somehow our grasp did not feel unnatural.

Oh, how the sensation of fresh love can melt your heart!

***

We had chemistry. That thought and thoughts similar to it wracked my brain all through the rest of the weekend, until Monday arrived and a new workday was set to begin. Upon entering the bank, I found myself searching for a hint of flashing red hair, recalling the butterflies that swarmed in my stomach upon touching his hand less than three days before. I was acting desperate, a fact that frightened me, mostly due to my acute awareness of it. I never reacted this way when dealing with a man. Never. And yes, I was scared as hell.

I went straight to my office that I shared with some other foreign interns. There, I recognized Thomas immediately and was brought back into a recollection of Friday night’s events. How was it that Jasper and he already seemed to get along so well with one another if they could only have known each other for a few weeks at most? The idea was intriguing, but not completely surprising I suppose due to his extremely sociable behavior.

Oh boy, was I ever in a dilemma.

But my instincts took care of the problem quite quickly, with a little help from what I would like to consider fate. There was a meeting for foreign interns later that morning that was planned so that everyone could discuss how their time had been going so far, the good and the bad and everything in between. Our leader told us that she wanted everyone to think about three people they had met who worked at the bank and weren’t interns and send them a message that very day about how if you ever needed anything, you would come to them for help. It was an interesting assignment, but it gave me the push I needed to put myself outside of my comfort zone and act on impulse, a trait I loved about myself but despised just as much. There were times when my courage got me in trouble, in more ways than one, and it was moments such as those that I wished there was a way for me to just turn it off some days.

This day, however, was not one of them. And it changed my life forever.

The third and final name I wrote down was “Jasper Evans.” Therefore, a message was sent to him instantly that included my contact information at work and a short biography with minimal information about why I took the opportunity to leave France and work here, as well as my interests in life and a short summary as to why they were receiving this message. The minutes that passed after sending the memo were agonizing. What would he say if he decided to reply? Would he even reply at all? How could I face him again if he didn’t? When a response appeared before me from one of my other choices, thanking me for considering her for such a role, I began to lose hope. Stupid, I know, but the negativity kept flowing and it was impossible to stop.

But I reminded myself of my confidence, and the pessimism slowly seeped away and was replaced with a new, more positive energy. I dove into my pile of work for the day and just as my lunch break was nearing, I received a second reply. And my heart skipped a little.

It was Jasper.

Scribbled in a messy but readable scrawl, I read:

Taking this offer seriously, I’m headed to lunch soon. Would you be interested in some real English cuisine? If so, meet me in the back lobby at 12:30. I’ll wait five minutes.

- Jasper

My heart skipped a beat as I took in the words on the paper. Was he asking me on a date? I then reminded myself that I couldn’t get too far ahead of myself here and it was best to take one thing at a time. After all, he was merely being nice and trying to help me out. For me to assume that he was even remotely romantically interested in me was absurd! Or was it? I am attractive, this even I know, and there is no reason why any typical man wouldn’t find me attractive, at least in looks. But would I be attractive in my other qualities as well? My smarts, my background, and the things I loved? I could not be sure, as no one can be when first getting to know someone, but I sincerely hoped that if he would end up being interested in me, it wasn’t just for a quick shag or two when he’s feeling lonely or to simply gain bragging rights. I had been fooled by more than one guy before who wanted nothing else and I wasn’t prepared to let that happen again.

But I suppose none of that is relevant anyway. This isn’t a date after all. A lunch meeting between friends, only, and for me to get carried away in another direction is terribly inconsiderate of me.

I hurried up to finish what I was working on and glanced at the clock. It was 12:25 and I decided now was as good a time as ever to leave. I might be early, but it didn’t matter. Excitement was swelling up inside of me and the walk would help me settle down. What was it that drew me to him so effortlessly? Oh right, chemistry. That insatiable feeling sends butterflies a flight all throughout your body and somehow forces your heart to drop to your toes. Yes, I’ve experienced it before, but each time it’s new and incredible and this circumstance was no exception.

I turned into the room where I was meeting Jasper and saw his outline a few hundred feet away , in the center of the room. His body was turned from me but I assume he heard my light footsteps because he turned as I entered the room and a small smile lit up his face. I returned a quick smirk as I looked at the enormous clock that hung from the wall. It read 12:27.

“You’re early,” I laughed as I met up with him, stopping a few feet away to keep the distance between us professional and impersonal.

“I wasn’t sure you would come, so I figured giving you a few extra minutes wasn’t a bad idea.”

“I’m early too.”

“Right,” he laughed as he glanced at the same clock. “I suppose that’s what professionals do, right? They show up on time.”

“I suppose. I don’t know how professional I can be considered though. I’ve only just began my job as an intern. This is all quite new to me.”

“You’ll master things pretty quick around here, I can promise you that. There aren’t many tricks to the job. I think I had everything down within my first month! And now it’s four years later and nothing has changed besides a promotion and a raise. But then again, what’s so wrong with that?”

I was surprised at how simple our banter was and how easily the words were flowing. Granted, we had talked for awhile at the party and all, but it was a completely new experience being alone and it was amazing how well we were both handling it. Again with the chemistry, I thought. It certainly plays a role and we most definitely have it.

“I guess that’s why they wanted to me to get help from a few people. Thank you for accepting the offer. I know it must be strange and all seeing as you hardly know me but you seem like a friendly and open person and I need someone like that to help me to understand everything. I’m sure you’ve noticed, my English could use some help.”

“I’m honored for the job. Although, I should warn you, you weren't the only one who requested my assistance..." By the glint in his eyes, I was almost positive he was kidding, but my heart still sunk slightly at his words. "As for your English, it’s outstanding! You are speaking a lot better than most of the other interns I have heard around the office.”

“Thank you,” I replied, smiling slightly as our eyes met and held each other’s gaze for a few moments longer than comfortable. A new silence fell over us, but I wasn’t uncomfortable. I was mostly just embarrassed and self-conscious and worried that I wouldn’t impress him. But I reminded myself that that wasn’t what this lunch was about. It was about improving myself and my position here and learning the culture and language better. It had nothing to do with men and their opinions of me, no matter how attractive they were. But obviously, this mentality was overshadowed the second Jasper spoke again and I found my heart dancing pleasantly in my toes.

“Lunch! That’s right, that’s why we’re even here!” He laughed and I laughed too. “I want to take you to a place a couple blocks out into London that sells the best fish and chips I’ve ever had.”

I frowned a bit but nodded. What in the world were fish and chips? Fish I could assume was the similar to what I had eaten in France, but chips? What did he mean by that? He laughed at my expression but pulled me to the doors and outside. “You’ll see. And you’ll like it, I promise.”

I smiled and we walked in step down the busy streets and passed through an alleyway l that led us into the even more crowded streets of downtown London. We chatted a bit, keeping the conversation light and friendly, but with enough objectiveness to keep it from becoming too flirtatious. I liked him a lot though—his sociability, his ease with words, his freckles—and it was difficult for me to look at him without sensing my pulsating heart somewhere where it shouldn’t have been. How could I begin to fall for a guy so quickly? So effortlessly? It was irrational and stupid, I knew, but also completely justified in the mind of a young woman. Only, I hated comparing myself to other said 'young women' because I saw myself above them. One of my flaws, I suppose one could say, was my confidence, but I found it to be much more helpful than damaging most often; an annoying part of my daily thought process that was interfering currently with my sociability.

“It’s right here at the corner up ahead,” Jasper explained after we had been walking for some time. He gestured with his right hand and pointed toward a booth that I could see in the distance. I wasn’t used to eateries like this in France but they were everywhere in London so I wasn’t surprised when I realized that is what Jasper had been talking about all along. I had yet to try out a place like it in my rather short amount of time spent in England so far and now seemed as good a time as ever to change that fact.

“I’m excited,” I laughed as we glanced at each other and broke into a smile. Our connection was powerful and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was feeling it too.

“I’ll order for you so you get exactly the right thing.”

“That sounds great, but I won’t let you pay for me, of course,” I replied, slightly flirtatious but honest as well. I hardly knew the guy and I wasn’t one to accept any form of chivalry. Some women may frown upon it but it wasn’t in my character.

“Fair enough,” he countered with a smile as he took a few coins from my hand and joined the short line to speak to the vendor about our food. I was shocked. Jasper was truly refreshing compared to many men I met these days. Most would insist upon buying me a meal like this or helping me carry bags when I was in high heels (and even when I wasn’t) and these actions never struck me as meaningful. I haven’t been able to get past the idea that most men out there just want sex and I always, somewhat irrationally, associated kind acts with this mentality. It was rude of me, certainly, but also a protective mechanism. Sometimes women have to do something for themselves.

He returned to me at the corner of the sidewalk carrying two small trays of food and wearing a pleasant smile. He handed me my change and a basket. “This is it. You’ll love it.”

I smiled slightly as we moved across the street to an empty bench where we both sat down, ready to enjoy the meal. Our conversation halted a little as we ate our food, which was delicious by the way, but I found myself reflecting again on how much I liked Jasper’s company. I hoped we could at least be friends. We clicked well as people and there didn’t have to be anything romantic between us. Friends would be good—friends would be wonderful.

“Do you know yet when you’re going back to France next? I mean the internship doesn’t last forever…do you think you’ll end up going back after it’s all over with?”

His question struck me by surprise, but only because of its randomness. By his expression and tone of voice I could tell that it was a question of sincerity, of pure interest, of true curiosity. He felt like getting to know me better, and this excited me, because I also wanted to know more about him.

“I’m not sure. I’ll visit of course, but I think I would like to stay in London for awhile yet. If everything works out nicely, maybe this internship could turn into a real job. That’s the plan.”

“I like that. You’re willing to flow with whatever happens but you have a plan as well. That’s great."

“Thank you,” I replied, blushing a bit and flashing a smile. My confidence was increasing with every passing moment. I reminded myself of the chemistry that was between us. I wasn’t oblivious to the way he appeared to admire my strong facial features, my long golden hair, my full lips. He wasn’t fooling anyone. And I was quite pleased. Taking him in, all of him, I couldn’t fathom what in him was so attractive to me. He didn’t have any of the typical physical features that I found myself drawn to. His face was rather square shaped and rough, his hair longer than most men’s and a shade of fiery red, and his body average, if anything, a little lanky. Our connection must thus go deeper then the material attributes of each other—it must really be something of the soul.

Shit, was I ready for such a commitment?

It was more than alright that I wasn’t certain yet because the rest of lunch passed by nicely without the need to think about it too much. After finishing our food we realized we didn’t have much time remaining of our break and quickly made it back to the bank so we wouldn’t be late. We passed through the back lobby where we originally met and shook hands like we did at the party as a way of saying goodbye. This time, however, I paid attention to the spark that I felt when skin met skin. And boy did I ever feel it.

***

I slept wonderfully that night. I’m not sure why, but I woke up the next day feeling more refreshed and awake then I had in a very long time. I went to work in a joyful mood and found myself enjoying the work that I had to do. It’s not like I didn’t enjoy my job. The main reason I took the internship was because I knew this was a line of work I was interested in and that I would not get tired of doing it day after day. But for some reason the day seemed different to me and the energy I had was new and invigorating as well. I was happier than usual and my confidence was through the roof.

A few more days went by, and by Friday of that same week I was eager for the weekend to begin. My English was improving immensely and I wanted to test myself by heading out to a few bars that night to open up and socialize a bit. I wasn’t planning on hooking up with anyone, simply to have a little fun and maybe lead on a few guys by the end of the night. I needed to put some of my elevated confidence to use and I knew that, it being a bar, the men who were my victims wouldn’t be unhappy for long. There were many desperate girls out there after all; I just wasn’t one of them.

I wasn’t expecting to meet up with Jasper that day, but when we coincidentally passed each other in the hall as I was ready to leave for the day, my heart instantly fell to my toes and I wondered why I hadn’t gotten up the courage to lead him on a bit, with the intention of course of seeing how things went. What was the use for all of my sudden confidence if it didn’t help me in any way with my relationship with Jasper? We had talked a few times through memos throughout the week but it was difficult to find a time to meet up again. Jasper was busy with meetings and my pile of paper work appeared to be growing despite the fact that I was constantly attending to it. Time just wasn’t on our side. Until now.

We made eye contact and when he smiled I found my lips curving toward the sky, wider than usual. He slowed his pace and I began to panic. My emotions were everywhere at once and it took all the strength I had in me to keep myself from going everywhere at once.

“Rosalie! How was your week? I haven’t done the greatest job holding up my end of being a mentor to you. It appears you survived however, something I am quite thankful to see.”

“You’re great! I don’t need you every second of every day, you know. I handled things quite well on my own this week. It’s just reassuring to know that you’re there if I ever need you.” I may have come off a little cold, I'm not sure. My brain and my mouth and my heart were all on different pages and I wasn't sure how to reset them to actually sound competent.

“I hope you need me at least every once and awhile. I fear the only way I’ll be able to see you anymore is if I ask you to lunch every day.”

I laughed and smiled and felt my heart swell with hope and happiness. “There are worse things, I suppose.”

He chuckled this time and I felt his gaze search my face. He waited a few moments to speak. “I’ll skip the sugar coating but I think you’re a really beautiful person.”

Gloominess fell over me as I took in his words. Beautiful, eh? I was beautiful. Synonymous with exquisite, gorgeous, stunning. I have heard all of those words before. They were worn with overuse and ulterior motives, ones an averagely pretty girl would fall for. But I wasn’t an averagely appealing woman and the differences began there.

“My bloodline in France is quite prestigious, you know. Beauty tends to come with that gene.” My tone lacked playfulness however. My face also lacked a smile. I could see in Jasper's eyes though that he had more to say. He was naturally good with words and seemed to choose them without much difficulty. What more could he have to say to me?

“In relation to me thinking you’re a very attractive woman, me being the genius I am forgot to mention I also think you’re really smart and charismatic and strong-hearted and inspiring. I don’t think of you for just your looks.”

Something awoke in me, an emotion I had never experienced and I cracked under the pressure of its volume. What was this new feeling within me that had come alive at the words of a man? The words I had been waiting my whole life to hear? Jasper barely knew me, yet he was familiar enough with me to realize who I was on the inside and the feeling was incredible. Was this what it was like to be in love?

I suppose his feelings were similar to my own. I could tell from the first moment I met Jasper that there was something between us that isn’t simply experienced by everyone.

Despite the well of emotions inside of me however, all my face could do was break out into a smile. The biggest one I had ever given in my life.

“And for that, you have earned yourself a date.”