The Chameleon

Len pauses outside the door, still hearing laughter he created echoing within the home. Visions of people holding their sides or spraying liquid alcoholic drinks from compressed lips, in fear of choking upon it, still clear in his mind. Comic relief, which is what he has become, a comedian offering respite from more serious events of life. He gives joy to those in pain or living dull tedious day to day existences. He would rather see people happy then sad. Len knew all too well about feeling worthless. Therefore, he chose to be the life of the party, so others know happiness.

Outside the final sparks of light burst in the night sky, celebrating dreams and desires for the new year. The popping explosions fade to a fizzle, while tiny fireflies rain down, disappearing like a phoenix, preparing to rise from the ashes. Birth of a new year.

The frozen smile remains on his lips while his eyes retain that hollow look, searching for fulfilment in his own life. God forbid he show the real him to his friends, it wouldn't take long for them to want to distance themselves. No one wants a depressed downer in the group. Len shakes his head, he’s okay, he’s fine, and he needs to stop this self-inflicted feeling sorry for himself attitude. He has friends, a great job, a loving family....he is so alone.

He had a hard time looking at Moria in the eye tonight, knowing the comment she posted on face book was directed at him.

'Why do we tolerate negativity in our lives. instead of banishing them to hell where they belong.'

Len's sister, Deena, said he was overreacting when he showed her and asked what he did wrong. She laughed and said it wasn't directed at him. Moria just wrote a saying meant in general....news, politics etc.

He smiled and walked away, wondering why Deena was lying for Moria. He wanted to ask her tonight but instead made her laugh. Where upon she reached over, squeezed his arm and asked, 'How is a great guy like you still single?'

She is wrong, who wants to be with a guy like him

Then there was Daniel, tall, athletic, and good looking, pulling Len aside tonight to have a serious conversation. Telling Len that he wished he had his confidence and ability to talk to anyone and everyone. He even went as far as to say he was jealous of Len, hugged him and walked away. It seemed nice on the outside, but Len knew what he meant, Daniel was right. He talks too much, always blabbing, never letting other speak. But he couldn't stop himself, when he was nervous he talked, and he was always nervous, therefore always talking.

In the calm of night his footfalls echo between the buildings with every step on the pavement, still gleaming from the rain earlier today. A light mist fogs the dark with every breath he exhales. Shoving both hands into his coat pockets he continues walking, unsure as to where he is going.

Suddenly a shiver wracks his body, as the familiar sob deep inside tries to escape, but Len manages to suppress it down. He recognizes the sign, once again he is feeling sorry for himself. His doctor said when this happened he wants Len to focus on the good in his life. He knows it’s there, yet it always hides in the shadows, lurking just out of reach. When people ask how he is feeling, he is supposed to honestly tell them, but he feels so ashamed, so instead he smiles, say’s fine and then quickly changes the subject.

He wasn't fine, he doesn’t even know what that would feel like.

Taking in his surroundings, realizing that he is in an area of town that is unfamiliar to him. How long has he been walking?

The streetlights glow with a yellow hue, as if the brightness were swallowed by the night. Glancing to his left, a ribbon of light cast by the moons glow ripples upon the waves of the river. His eyes follow the dark crest of water as it flows under the bridge ahead. His gaze remains fixed upon the black waters, in a trance like state he watches a body, face down, drift towards him, bobbing and spinning with the current. Unable to move. The bloated form slowly turns over and Len finds himself staring into his own face, the dead man’s eyes open and smiles, the same stupid grin Len plants on his face everyday.

It would be so easy.

Picking up his pace, head down he marches forward. Breathing deeply as his heart rate climbs. Still haunted by his vision.

Suddenly, he sees movement in the shadows, next to the pillar of the bridge. Len increases his stride while giving a wide berth to the thing tucked under the overpass. As he gets closer he notices the lump is a person laying under a cardboard box, shivering on the cold concrete. The cardboard shelter looks like a collapsed home, resembling the makeshift houses he used to build as a child. A foggy mist rises from a crack, like smoke from a chimney. From within a rattled cough breaks the silence of the night.

Against his better judgement Len stops. Slowly approaching the huddled mass, calling out. "Hello. Hey, can you hear me, hello?"

Without warning the cardboard box flies aside, and a tiny frame sits up wielding a broken bottle in defense. "Back the fuck off… I'll gut you if you come any closer."

Len quickly pulls his hands out of his pocket, holding them up, showing he means no harm. "Sorry buddy, I'm not going to hurt you, I was just checking."

"Checking? You mean stealing."

Completely blown away by the comment, Len lowers his arms and stands as tall and straight as possible.

"No, I'm not here to take anything." Wondering what the person could possibly have that was so valuable.

Len's eyes, adjusting to the dimness under the bridge, sees a person wrapped in an oversized old trench coat, draping over a hoody, pulled tightly over the head. As dirty and disheveled the person is, it does not hide the fact they could not have been more than sixteen, perhaps seventeen, based on the wispy scraggles of a partially formed beard. Gaunt pronounced features on the face show how malnourished this individual is.

Slowly walking towards the boy, Len gestures he is going to sit a few feet away. Hollow eyes follow his every move.

In a soft voice Len inquires. "Are you from here?"

The poor soul remains silent.

Fumbling through his coat pockets, Len finds an energy bar and holds it out like he was trying to lure a wild animal. Instantly seeing how demeaning that must seem.

Instead. "Here, this is for you." And tosses the bar towards the young boy. "It's getting cold out, I think it’s going to start snowing soon."

A laugh reverberates under the dome, followed by a sarcastic reply. "No shit Sherlock, it's fucking winter."

Len Laughs as well. "Well, there you have it ladies and gentlemen the forecast is now officially confirmed....it's fucking winter."

A rattled chuckle rises from the dark, blending with the crinkle of plastic as the candy bar wrapper rips open. "Looks like I missed my calling. For those of you not huddling under a bridge, it's raining cats and dogs outside. "

"Be careful you don't step in a poodle." Len finishes.

"This just in, bird flu on the rise as the weather turns fowl.”

They both start laughing harder as Len continues "It’s raining then snowing, soon everyone living outside will be rich."

"Because of all the change in the weather?"

Len pauses to catch his breath. "You're witty kid."

"Wait till you see my Net Flix special…Jokes aside, will play for food.”

Extending his hand Len reaches out. "Hi, I'm Len."

For a moment he’s unsure if the young man is going to respond. Then he feels a cold hand grip his. "Jamal."

After a little more banter, Jamal opens up about living on the street. How he tries to keep active during the day hoping to collect enough change to purchase something to eat, and about the dangers at night. Most homeless live in groups for protection, but most were druggies. For all his faults he stays away from drugs, as most of it’s riddled with fentanyl. Jamal talks freely about most things but never reveals how he got here, and Len never asks.

Without warning Jamal say’s something Len wasn't prepared for. "Why you here man, alone in this part of town. Shouldn't you be somewhere else?"

After a brief thought Len replies. "I was some where else earlier, but I didn't feel like being there anymore."

Perhaps it was the way in which Len replied or perhaps living on the street gave Jamal an insight beyond his years. "You okay man?"

The familiar shield came up as Len smiles and quickly responds. "Yeah I'm fine." Then taking a deep breath as he looks into Jamals dark eyes. "Actually, I'm not fine, but I don't know why."

"That's ok man, sometimes we just act so we can survive. I have to smile every time someone calls me a lazy ass kid, or piece of shit."

Throughout the night the two converse, as if they have been friends for years. Until a glow creeps up over the horizon, and false morning gives a wake-up call for the birds. Their chirps blending beautifully with the gurgling sounds of the river and rumbling tires on the road above as commuters begin another day.

Lens thoughts were broken by a scraping sound as Jamal slid over a piece of his cardboard box. "Sit on this, other wise you'll end up with hemorrhoids from the cold concrete."

"Thank you."

"No worries."

Len stands up. "Hey, Jamal what say we go grab some breakfast. I know this really good cafe...not sure how to get there from here."

Hunching his shoulders, Jamal looks down and mumbles. "Naw, I'm all good. Thanks."

“My treat.”

Jamal stays silent.

Nodding his head in understanding Len replies. "Okay. Well, it was nice talking, sorry I woke you."

“I wasn't exactly in a deep slumber and don't have anywhere to go so ...all good man. Take care, and don't step in any poodles."

Len chuckles, dusting himself off as he stands, placing his fake smile upon his face once more, and walks away. Glancing back, Len watches Jamal roll himself up in the damp cardboard, in moments, he looks no more than a pile of trash tossed away.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, his mind wanders into that shadowed world he created. One where he looks out, but no one sees him.

Suddenly an echoed voice rings out. "Hey Len, I just realized why its fucking winter."

Len turns around and stares at a tiny form, no more than a silhouette in the distance and yells back. "Why?"

Jamal jogs towards Len, his worn runners splashing with every step. With a smile as wide as his face, he stops two feet away. "Because it's Decemburrrr."

Len, groans raising his hands to the heavens, then wrapping an arm around Jamals shoulder, says. "That's really bad."

"I was thinking, since I’m awake, I …could go for a coffee. Besides someone has to get your disorientated ass outta here before ya get hurt.”

"Let's get some food as well, I could use the company. Maybe you'll come up with better material on a full stomach."

"Maybe we should buy a map, so you won't get lost again."

"Did you remember to lock up your cardboard box...."

"I set the alarm."

Thank you,

Jason

First story of the 2025, as most stories of mine, this one found a life of its own as it was being written.