The CD

I ran as fast as I could but I couldn’t escape the forces of the warlord Arreeo. I had no idea why they were chasing me other than I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I mean it wasn’t like I hurt anyone or done anything to antagonise Arreeo, but here I was being chased across the wasteland, the sounds of their vehicles filling the air.

A biker crested a sand dune and tried to shoot me with his Soundblaster, attacking me with the sounds of the Spice Girls. Whoever thought music would make a good weapon and invented the soundblaster as a result needed their head looked at. Now a slavering idiot on a dirt bike tried to cleave my skull in twain with Wannabe. I returned fire with my Classical music mixtape, a blast of Franz Liszt’s Hungarian Rhapsody sent the biker flying. I continued my haste away from the oncoming noise of Arroyo’s minions.

Bikers were one thing in the Wasteland. They were easy enough to deal with, even the wimpiest Soundblaster like the AIWA 1200, but Arreeo’s Speedwagons were a different story. These massive mechanical monstrosities were hotbeds of noise. Their massive W64 Engines gave them a distinctive roar that could be heard from miles away, built from the chassis of vehicles like the Kenworth Aerodyne and Peterbilt 379. The scariest thing about the Speedwagons was their Doomsirens. The Doomsiren was an abomination of the Soundblaster, it was an unholy union of man and machine. It was a mess of speakers, amplifiers, tape decks, and CD players. All of it was hardwired into a DJ and an unlucky slave. The DJ plays the music and channels it through the slave who has been augmented with all kinds of speakers and emitters.

Three speedwagons could be seen and heard in the distance, their titanic frames eclipsed only by the deafening cavalcade of sound that preceded them. I give it a few minutes before those mechanical monsters were upon me. I ran to a nearby alcove and pulled back a sand encrusted tarp revealing my Baja Bug. I climbed in and fired up the engine, it might only be a Lancia V6 engine but it would have to do. Gunning the throttle, I set off in the direction of a nearby city to hide from the Speedwagons and their Doomsirens.

My bug was quick but not quick enough. By the time I had reached the ruins of the city the Speedwagons were upon me. They unleashed a volley of sound at the bug; a blend of The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, and Shania Twain struck the ground around me kicking up dust and sand. I could feel the sand shift beneath the bug’s off-road wheels but I kept my foot to the floor and willed the bug to keep moving. I tried using the city’s side streets to evade my pursuers, they might be faster than me but I can turn corners better than they can. Hopefully this game of hide and seek would be enough to deter them, but they had decided that the best course of action was to go through the buildings. A wall of sound smashed it way through several buildings between them and me, another came and then another. The last volley they fired not only shredded the buildings near me, it also struck the bug sending it and myself flying.

The bug crashed through the corner of a building and came to rest against the ruins of a parking structure. I hauled myself out of the wreckage and took a quick recce of the area. The bug was done, my Hitachi 500 Soundblaster was done, and I was injured. I hobbled to a nearby building to take cover, I couldn’t outrun them on foot even at full health, in my current state as they’d catch me in no time. My best bet was to try and hide and hopefully they’d see the wreckage of the bug, assume another one had bitten the dust and then leave. I hid in what I assumed was some kind of store, the faded letters “HMV” could faintly be seen on the wall. There was some kind of small wall-like structure which would have to serve as my cover from the Speedwagons.

As I propped myself up against the wall I could hear the sounds of the Speedwagon’s Doomsirens in the distance, if anyone lived in the decayed ruins of this city they were going to have a bad day. I tried to steady my breathing, the way my papa taught me, I needed a clear head to be able to plan my next moves. I took a quick stock of my inventory, one smashed Soundblaster, one ruined mixtape and two days worth if rations. Even if I could evade the Speedwagons I wouldn’t make it home before my rations ran out, I needed the bug to get home. I just happened to notice sitting inside some kind of storage unit a shiny metal box completely untouched by the Wasteland. I hauled it out and jimmied it open. Inside was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, the Sony Soundblaster 10,000, only the most powerful portable Soundblaster ever made. It was a legend passed down through the generations of the wasteland since the fall, the kind of fable grandparents tell their grandchildren. I quickly snatched it up and slipped it on, it sprang to life almost as if it had been waiting for me. It came with a tape deck, a CD player, and something called a Minidisk player. My classical tape was ruined along with my old blaster so I rushed around the store digging up sand to try and find anything in the store I could use. All the CDs and Tapes I could find were ruined and with the Speedwagons drawing nearer I had to find something fast.

And there it was, the answer to my prayers. I dug up a battered old copy of the album ‘Master of Puppets’ by the heavy metal band, Metallica. I checked the disc and was overjoyed to see there was not a scratch on it. I quickly inserted it into the CD slot and the SSB10K began to thrum with power.

Armed with my new weapon I ran as fast as I could manage towards the Speedwagons, who had just levelled more buildings. It wasn’t long before they spotted me, their monstrous forms growing larger as they approached. They unleashed a torrent of sound, a nauseating blend of Paint it Black, Yellow Submarine, and Man I Feel Like A Woman. Sand was kicked up around me as the sound waves struck the ground. The concussive force caused me to stagger and lose any ground I may have gained. With steely resolve I pointed the SSB10K towards them, it was time to fight back. I waited for them to draw near, turning the power all the way to eleven. When I hit the trigger, the last thing the Speedwagons of Arreeo heard was the opening guitar riff of the song Master of Puppets.