The Big Dive

I'd had a wonderful night celebrating my tech company's great success. I woke rested and ready for a swim. The crystal water was cool, so I wore my wet suit as I dove in and headed for the channel marker. It was slack tide, with no current, my rhythm was good, and I pulled hard to get my heart rate up. I felt so alive! Then I don't know what.

I felt an immense pressure and was pulled, the world went black, and then, I was above the water looking down on half a body.

A boat approached. A man and a woman on board shouted. Though I was right there, I couldn't make them out. I dug a finger into one ear. It went too far in in like there was nothing there. The boat's wash flipped the body over. I saw myself. How odd. I accepted what I saw, like, okay, that's me with no legs. I'm dead, and that was easy. I felt a twinge for my life, but not much. It was better that way. Just last night I'd said, “Kill me before I'm thirty so I don't become like them,” meaning old people. I was twenty-nine. Then an odd thing happened.

A great white shark, long and grey with a lovely white jaw and teeth, rose from the water to where I hovered. The shark was regal as it stared at me, old and wise, and I swear, it was accusing, like, why'd you do that? Funny thing, I understood the shark's thoughts. “Do what?” I asked, as I accepted it was completely normal to think, and be heard.

“Starve me!” Her voice had the sound of water over rocks. “And you're so skinny.”

“Hey!” I objected, “I'm built for a high intensity environment.”

“And rubbery too, like the worst squid.”

“That'd be my wet suit,” I said.

“Oh yeah! Well it got stuck in my gut, and I died.”

“Sorry. But that doesn't add up Sharkie!” Why did I call her Sharkie?

“That's me,” Sharkie said.

“For you to die of starvation, weeks have to pass. I just died. How come you're here?”

“There's only the spacious present,” Sharkie said. “Past, present, and future are one.”

“No!”

“Nerves slow things down. That makes time.”

“Huh?”

“So we can watch events, and learn from them.”

“Huh?”

“And everything here happens at once, so different times can meet.”

“Huh?”

“You're strange. Every creature agrees.” Sharkie pointed with her pectoral fin. I saw multitudes of creatures in the ocean. A blue/silver/green lattice pulsed between them carrying squeaks, grunts, thumps, and thoughts. They were communicating! Seagulls wheeled in the air. The lattice reached for them. I reached for them! The lattice barely pulsed in the people on the boat. I knew this as the concept of communication, whole knowledge received all at once, exactly, I noted, like Sharkie had explained time to me.

“No body, no nerves, no time,” Sharkie said.

“And the people can't hear.”

“Not can't, won't,” Sharkie corrected. “Why are you all so unapproachable?”

“Well, you'll eat us!”

“We don't eat all the time! Sometimes we hang out, explore, and take in the sights.” Sharkie spun around.

“How're we supposed to know that?”

“Oh my sea stars,” she said, “You can't feel our state at all?”

“Feel your state?”

“Every creature feels if another creature's hungry, or sick, or whatever. You guys!”

“I'm embarrassed,” I said, and wondered at the feeling. It wasn't like I'd thought about it until I was floating in air, talking to a shark.

“There's been great discussion.” Sharkie said.

“About what?”

“Humans. It's group talk: sharks, manatees, and rays for one, whales, dolphins, and turtles, for another. Sharks don't mix with dolphins you know. They're stubborn about that. Something to do with our appetite.” Sharkie grinned, and her massive teeth glinted.

“See!” I cried. Sharkie looked away. “What would you do,” I asked, “If you understood people?”

“Nothing. Understanding is the point of existence. Surely you know that!”

“Uh, no.”

“What's wrong with you?” She poked me with her snout. Those teeth! I saw a drop of blood.

“Uh,” I said, and motioned to her teeth.

She smacked her lips. “Why do you wreck everything?” she asked.

“Well,” I said, feeling defensive, “We need food, homes, and, you know, stuff. We do help other creatures when we can. It's a...” and I felt strange. “Look,” I said, “Philosophizing is good, but I'm wondering, what's a shark, and a guy, doing in the sky, conversing about humanity?”

“C'mon,” Sharkie said, “It's time to go.”

“Where?”

“For a little swim, I reckon.”

She undulated her long, lithe body. Her grace was impressive. I just kind of moved. Sharkie sang as we drifted along. “You have a good voice, “ I said. “Is that Father Time, by Shark Island and Richie Sambora?” How did I know that?

“It is Father Time, and the lattice is how you know,” Sharkie replied. I could tell she was pleased with my praise.

“How do you know that song?”

“A boat full of divers played it. That song's got power! We'd school around, listen, have a few shrimp, and maybe see if anyone, you know, went for a swim.” She winked at me. That big black eye winking was something to behold!

We sped along until a pitch black line loomed ahead. “What's that?” I cried, for it made me afraid.

“The boundary between Earth-mind, and other.”

“Other?” I was feeling something, maybe panic.

“Your other,” Sharkie said. “The one you ignore.”

I thought as hard as I could. What other? And words blasted inside my head, your subconscious other. “Thanks," I said, "I think,” and Sharkie laughed.

“We'll make a fish out of you yet,” she said, as we accelerated through the boundary and into a void where nothing could stay, it was one way and other, no doubt! We flashed into a sparkling something and I became aware of everything I'd ever done. I saw my life, and it filled me with joy because it was endowed with sublime purpose, still had purpose, would always have purpose, and everything I did, had reason too. Even wishing to die before thirty. Everything led to where I was. Be careful with your purposes, I heard myself say.

Then I was shocked, for there was no wrong in anything I'd done, and I'd done some things, nor was there right in anything either, though I could never tell anyone that! Literally. There was only the immense motion and purpose of...It...and It was clear, and It was beautiful.

“You can do better than calling it It,” Sharkie admonished me.

“What do you call It?”

“All That Is, or ATI.”

“Alright,” I agreed. “This is where your life flashes by,” I said.

“Yes,” Sharkie stared at me. “I understand you now! You have that mind, with nothing in it except the idea of me, me, me! You poor thing! You barely have instinct! Just, me! It must be lonely.”

All I could say was, “That mind?”

“You use it too much. It stops you from knowing all.”

I had no answer.

We whipped along so fast I had trouble keeping thoughts in my head, indeed, saw them streaming behind as red/blue/green froth that cleared that mind, and it felt good.

I spied a glimmering glow growing into an all encompassing veil. We rocketed through and beyond, to pause in a place of light and dark and all and none, and I suddenly knew everything related to human beings; our ups and downs, sideways and throughs, and all happening at once in this glittering place, and everything had meaning. “Where are we?”

“Where your kind's history lies.”

“Do you have such a place?”

“Indeed,” Sharkie said. “It's a bit more expansive than yours.”

“I understand,” I said. “You have four hundred million years of history, we only have two.” Sharkie just looked at me.

I turned my gaze towards the most gorgeous sunrise and was overwhelmed by the beauty of the first men and women leaving their cave to set out on an adventure that reached even into our time. And they still left! I could see the past, present, and I gasped...the future. Not one future, many! Look at that one! Oh, maybe not.

Everyone there just petered out, through, and the words blasted in my head, lack of responsibility for their world, and I winced.

Still, I could sense every person, ever, and it was good. There was no strain. I was they and they were I, and finally, finally, I was me. I cried tears of joy and knew, no matter what, everything would be alright.

The tears swept from my face as we plunged on. We passed through another nothing-place into something so large I could feel, so deep I could touch, so splendid I could love; All That Is included me, and I was home with Sharkie by my side.

“Why are you with me, Sharkie?”

Sharkie coughed out a diamond encrusted ring that was in my pocket when I was eaten. It was fabulous, and made people think of me. “We," Sharkie said, "Were linked by my desire to understand you, and this ring. You can have it now.”

“Thank you.” I took it, didn't want it, and it vanished.

“Nice getting to know you,” Sharkie said, and with a flick of her immense tail, she vanished.

“Sharkie? Sharkie!” I felt so alone.

“Hi,” a tall, luminous fellow said. His face was sweet, body slight, and clothes neat and tidy.

“Who're you?” I asked.

“Who would you like me to be?” Images of my father, sister, heroes, and fears, whoever I wanted, appeared.

“How about just you?” I said.

“Sure,” and the luminous fellow steadied. “You have a choice.”

“What choice?”

“Any one you want.”

The concept of choice hit me. It was given by ATI, was a pillar of creation offering freedom from the tyranny of command. Good choice created endless dimensions, and all choice was brought to aim at good. Choice flowed within an endless stream of vital energy, going only where ATI knew, and supported, and all would learn what they would. There was no other way or ATI would turn on itself, like people turned on themselves when they denied choice to others, and made their future, dead. And in that future, the sharks continued.

“I choose responsibility, for life,” I said to the luminous man.

“Right-o.” He consulted a tablet. “Go that way,” and he pointed. “Take the third probable left. You'll know it. Present yourself for assignment.”

“Just like that?”

“Unless you'd like to rest? I know it can be stressful where you came from. But that was years ago. You should be rested. Hmmm?”

“Years?”

“Yes. Hurry now!” He smiled, and vanished.

I followed directions, knew where to turn. It took forever to get there, and one second less. There was a furious coming and going of people all around. I met Helper, and recognized her immediately. He was he and he was she, old and huge, young and small, and she said, "I have the perfect thing for you. Go!”

“Where?” I asked.

“You'll know when you get there.” She touched my forehead so I received the concept of my future. I agreed to the terms of the new unknown, its purposes and meanings were clear, and I was, really, All That Is, knowing itself, as me.