The Belligerent Companions of Wondrous Adventure

There weren’t always dragons in the valley. Lately, rumors claimed a Great Red had been sighted on multiple occasions.

Callisto had to doubt anything as large as a Great Red could fail to make a constant spectacle of itself. If there were a Great Red in the valley, everyone would know it.

Still, it didn’t hurt to check, and she’d come to the area to see if she could locate either the Great Red or whatever was going around posing as one.

This is a poor course of action. A Great Red will not know you from food; to a Great Red, you are food! Lambert, the skull she carried with her, commented, and not for the first time. She gave him a good shake to remind him who called the shots in their companionship.

Still, it wasn’t as if the talking skull was wrong. To the average eye, Callisto would appear as a dusk elf. Tall and willowy with soft brown skin, flowing silver hair, and a figure that she had been assured by many was quite desirable.

She was dressed in tattered black rags with a scythe on her back, a pair of curved daggers at her hips, wearing boots that looked like they might actually be older than she was. She carried a satchel where Lambert and some jars with interesting bugs and other snacks for later rested; she looked half an adventurer and half a mad beggar.

However, unlike most dusk elves who had golden eyes, Callisto’s were an almost royal blue. Only the eyes were truly hers, a window to the true being rather than the crude surface form.

Of course, that Red is almost certainly going to eat you without ever looking into your eyes, Lambert commented, and Callisto gave him another shake.

It wasn’t that he was wrong; she just wasn’t willing to listen to him just then.

As she journeyed, she saw a strange sight down the road. At first, it looked like a small child sitting on a mound of dirt, but as she neared, Callisto realized it was a halfling sitting on the body of a brown bear.

Though he was youthful enough in face to be mistaken for a mere child, the proportions and muscle on his small frame gave him away. So did the large rugged feet, which were swinging nonchalantly on the furry mound.

Well, that’s something you don’t see often, Lambert commented.

“Indeed . . .” Callisto agreed.

The halfling was sitting on the bear's still form, almost totally nude except for a crudely made skirt fashioned from some of the bear’s fur.

Careful, Lambert warned; it may be dangerous!

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Lambert! He’s a third my size.” Callisto scoffed dismissively.

“Maybe even a quarter; you’re pretty tall, lady!” The halfling answered

He seems to have slain a bear with his bare hands. You, of all people, should know that appearances can be deceiving!

“You make a salient point, Lambert,” Callisto acknowledged, then to the halfling, she demanded, “You! Bear! Explain!”

“This? Well, I had a few drinks in the tavern, and this dwarven ghost appeared before me and said he would lead me to this ancient treasure of my people. I followed him, and he led me out into the woods, then eventually I got tired and fell asleep, and when I woke up, I was lying naked in this field like I was reborn!”

“So he robbed you? What would a ghost want with—wait, what do you mean me of all people?” Callisto demanded.

Forget that; what about the bear? Lambert demanded.

“What about the bear?” Callisto demanded back.

“Right,” the halfling continued, “well, I was naked in the field, so I went towards the sound of water to have a drink, and the bear was there, and he was having a drink, and he roared at me, and I roared at him.”

“As you do, go on,” Callisto nodded, returning to the halfling’s tale; Lambert’s implied insult to her intellect could wait.

“Yeah, so he came at me, and you can see how that ended. Then I took a bit of his fur so my bits aren’t exposed anymore, you know, just in case any ladies happened by, and it looks like that was the right call!”

How’d it get to the road? Lambert asked.

“You carried it all the way here?” Callisto asked.

“More dragged it,” the halfling admitted, “I figured my friends would come up the road sooner or later, so I’d wait for them here.”

He dragged it? Lambert scoffed.

“Of course, he dragged it. Was he supposed to carry it? We’ve already established the size of him, Lambert!” Callisto scoffed.

“So is Lambert here . . . or are you practicing for later?” The halfling asked.

“He’s right here in my satchel,” Callisto told him, holding out the skull.

The halfling blinked owlishly, then greeted the skull, “Oh . . . well, I was robbed by a dwarf ghost, who am I to judge? Hi Lambert! I’m Lemuel Took; my friends call me Lem! Lem the Gem! Who’s your friend?”

That’s a rather large assumption, Lemuel, Lambert said dryly, and Callisto threw him roughly back into her satchel.

“I’m Callisto.”

“Neat. What brings you two out here?” Lemuel asked.

“Hunting.” Callisto shrugged.

“You hungry? I’ve got a bear . . . pretty fresh.” Lemuel patted the bear.

“No, hunting bandits. The mayor of the town to the west . . .” Callisto hesitated, “I don’t know its name,” she admitted.

“Hicksville.” Lemuel offered.

“Is that really it?” Callisto blinked.

“Who cares?” Lemuel shrugged.

“Well argued,” Callisto acknowledged, “The mayor of Hicksville put a bounty on a gang of bandits in these woods.”

“Bandits in the woods, you say? That’s a much better explanation for my waking up naked in the middle of nowhere.” Lemuel nodded.

“What about the ghost dwarf?” Callisto asked.

“Just because it’s what I remember doesn’t mean it’s what happened,” Lemuel told her. The alleged elf suddenly felt a pang of kinship and considered the skull in her satchel.

I’m really talking to you.

“Are you, though?”

“Hmm?” Lem asked.

“Talking to Lambert,” Callisto explained.

“Ah. So you decided to go after the bandits? Just the two of you?” Lem wondered.

“Mostly me. Lambert’s not much use in a fight.”

Rude.

“There were townsfolk; they wanted to form some sort of a mob. Still, I thought as funny as it might be to watch them, I’d better just take care of it myself.” Callisto shrugged.

Besides, there’s more bounty for us.

“That’s a rather large assumption, Lambert.”

Fair.

“Is that what the scythe is for?” Lem asked.

Callisto regarded the large scythe she wore on her back and shook her head, “Not at all; this fares terribly as a weapon. I tried it once, and it was a disaster. This is more a symbol of faith, an emblem of my goddess.”

“Farm goddess?” Lemuel asked.

“Something like that, I suppose you could say she reaps,” Callisto said with a slight smirk.

“Fair enough, not that interested. Anyway, you might need help; I’ll come with you!”

Callisto folded her arms, “You?”

“Yeah, I’m resourceful! I woke up today with nothing; now I’ve got a bear and a loincloth! Besides, it’s probably a fair bet they’ve got the rest of my stuff and some of that I need back.”

Callisto considered a moment until her sharp ears caught something approaching down the road and turned her gaze to see the form of a large gray wolf trotting towards them.

Her hand darted to one of the knives at her hip. Lem, following her gaze, saw the wolf and told her, “Oh, that’s fine! That’s just Loken!”

“A friend of yours?” Callisto raised an eyebrow.

“Friend of a friend, he’s Keyser’s pet or brother or something,” Lem told her, standing up on the bear and waving the wolf raised its shaggy head and howled loudly.

A brief moment passed before a trio of wagons appeared over the horizon. Callisto could make out greater detail as they came closer, noticing that they were all made different. The one in the lead was a small caravan, the sort a traveler might use drawn by a single brown horse. The caravan was colored bright red and gold with green writing on the side that Callisto didn’t read.

Following it was a larger open-topped wagon, driven by a dwarf with a human in furs sitting beside him. This one was pulled by a pair of strange-looking cows.

The third wagon was plain in design, but it was colorfully painted. Albeit with contrast, a field of flowers at the base and lightning clouds above, a single white stallion pulled the wagon though it seemed more a coach than a caravan.

Callisto tensed as they approached, considering that their arrival was awfully coincidental. Could these be the bandits?

Oh, now you’re cautious? Lambert wondered.

Callisto didn’t answer him and just waited as the wagons approached. As they grew nearer, she could see the gray wolf slink away from the lead and run up alongside the wagon pulled by the cows.

Oxen.

Callisto grunted dismissively as the first wagon pulled up, driven by a man in rainbow-colored garb with a white mask covering his face. Except for his eyes, which were amber in color.

“Took . . .” the masked man trailed off warily.

“Sandman.” Lem nodded curtly.

The masked man, Sandman presumably, asked with clear exasperation, “Why are you naked?”

“I have a loincloth.” Lem pointed out.

“Granted. Why are you mostly naked?”

“Either I followed a ghost dwarf into the woods for treasure, or I was mugged and left unconscious by bandits!”

“Potentially both,” Callisto considered, and Took nodded in agreement.

“And who is this?” Sandman asked.

“Callisto and Lambert. They’re hunting the bandits; I was gonna go with them!”

“The bandits that robbed you?” Sandman reasoned, nodding slowly.

“Yeah, I mean . . . you know, unless it was the ghost,” Lem shrugged.

“I see . . . and the bear?” The man in the mask asked.

“He woke me up, and we had a disagreement,” Lem answered simply.

“Of course . . . well, stranger, Callisto, is it? We apologize for what happened to Lambert.”

“That’s not Lambert; that’s a bear,” Callisto answered.

The masked man shook his head, and Callisto caught his eyes dart skyward. “Clearly . . . in any case, it seems our paths converge, and we shall take our journey together until we have secured our friend’s belongings. If you’d like to join us, there’s room in the dwarf’s wagon.”

“What about my bear?” Lem asked.

“You don't have a bear, you have what's left of a bear,” the masked man sighed.

“Which is why we can’t waste the meat; it’d be against the laws of nature!” The man in the furs shouted from the dwarf’s wagon as he hopped out. Loken rushed over to his side, and Callisto surmised he must be Keyser.

Careful . . . there’s more to that one and his pet than there appears, Lambert warned as the two approached.

“My apologies,” Sandman said dryly. “By all means, let us spend the next few hours moving this bear instead of chasing the bandits that have the map our halfling was carrying.”

Keyser snorted derisively, “What are they going to do with it?”

“Follow it? It is a map,” the human in the green tunic and a shield on his back suggested as he leaped down from the rear wagon.

“Or sell it,” a half-orc suggested as he jumped down from the back of the dwarf’s wagon, “it’s what I keep saying we should do.”

“It’ll be fine; they don’t even know what they’ve got,” Lem assured them, “Come on, this is good meat! I had some earlier, and I’ll bet it’s even better cooked!”

“Alright, everyone takes a side?” Keyser suggested.

“Lady Ezra, would you care to help?” The man in the green tunic called to the wagon.

“It’s dead and gross, so no!” A maid’s voice called from the interior.

“I meant perhaps with a spell?” The man suggested.

“I’ve answered you already, Nimrin!” Ezra called out, leaning out of the wagon’s side window. She revealed herself to be a half-elven maid with flowing golden hair, violet eyes, and a face fair enough that even Callisto took notice of the fact.

“Maybe if we cut it into smaller bits?” The dwarf suggested.

“Well, Took had the longsword, Bolse,” the man in the green tunic, Nimrin, Callisto supposed, pointed out.

“Keyser’s got his scimitar,” the dwarf, Bolse, she reckoned, shrugged in response.

“Let’s not taint the meat with a rusty blade,” the half-orc suggested.

“Let’s not call my father’s blade rusty, Corin!” Keyser warned.

“And so it begins,” Sandman sighed, “Take a seat, lady. We’ll be here a while.”

Callisto scoffed and reached down, taking the bear by the scruff and hefting it over her shoulder. She carried it effortlessly to the wagon, Lem running ahead to lead the way and open the back hitch, which the half-orc Corin had failed to do when he jumped out.

Wait, what are you doing? Lambert demanded, but Callisto ignored him.

“Here?” She asked, indicating the bed of the wagon between two benches against either side, and Lem nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah, perfect!”

Callisto complied, tossing the bear into the wooden wagon. Only then did she realize everyone had stopped arguing and was staring directly at her.

The lady, Ezra, managed to ask, “What are you?”

Callisto blinked owlishly at her, not understanding the question until Lambert explained.

You fool! Real elves can’t lift bears with one hand!

“Oh . . .” Callisto realized. After considering a moment, she bent over, clutching her back with a cry, “Oh, my back! Oh, my frail elven back!”

Convincing . . . Lambert scoffed in her mind.

It didn’t stop the stares, but Lem climbed up into the wagon over the bear and called out to the others, “Come on, we can clean it while Loken tracks the bandits!”

“You just assume he can do that?” Keyser demanded angrily.

“He’s just gotta follow the scent of my stuff, doesn’t he?” Lem asked.

Keyser scowled for a moment, then broke into a smile and laughed, “Yeah, he can easily do that; I’m just playing with you!”

“See? Barely a minute lost; let’s go. You’re holding us up, Sandman!” Lem shouted.

The troop did not immediately move out, however. Though the dwarf, Bolse, climbed up into the seat of his wagon, and Keyser joined Callisto and Lem in the back with the bear, not everyone made ready to go. Corin and Nimrin went over to the caravan to converse with their leader in low whispers that most with hearing less sharp than Callisto’s would not have detected.

“I hope you know what you’re doing; she looks like a dark elf to me. For all we know, she’s with the bandits!” Corin suggested warily.

“Have a little faith. A being’s blood doesn’t dictate disposition; you of all people should recognize that, my friend.”

“What of the Lady’s safety?” Nimrin wondered, “Dark elves aren’t known for their love of their light kin.”

“Well, you may keep an eye on that, but I doubt Callisto means to harm the maiden fair. Perhaps it is good fortune; let us see how she fares against these bandits.”

“Is this a good idea?” Corin asked the masked man, “just bringing another on board?”

“Consider her on probation. We just lost our thief anyway; she may come in handy.”

“She doesn’t look the sneaky type,” Nimrin whispered, making an awfully large assumption. “Besides, what will the dragon say?”

“What won’t he say?” Sandman spoke with the same exasperation he had shown towards Lem initially, “But regarding her? No idea; I suppose we shall simply have to wait and see. For now, the whole plan depends on that map.”

Well . . . this is unexpected, Lambert acknowledged.

Callisto just smirked. She had come to find the Great Red, and it seemed she was on the right track.

She had even fallen in with a band that seemed to be on speaking terms with it. If these travelers needed a thief, she would be that thief. If their maid required a protector, she would be that protector.

Very well, my Queen, our journey is with them . . . for now, Lambert agreed.