The Barn Ghost.

"Hey, cat....Pst...Cat."

The feline stopped in its footsteps and turned its head towards the voice calling it, "Who are you and what do you want?" it asked.

"I know you're new around here I need to warn you about a few things."

In a flash, the feline had the other cat on its back in a submissive position.

"Are you threatening me?"

"Get off me. You've got it all wrong."

"Okay speak."

"Impressive, for a muscle-bound Tabby you're quick. I'll give you that,"

"Why do you think I was brought here? No rat can out-think me and no mouse can out-run me. You see I am the top predator. Dogs stay out of my way, cattle walk around me and sheep open a path when I pass through if they know what's good for them."

"Ah, but have you ever come up against the Barn Ghost?"

"You mean that stupid rooster standing on top of that chicken coop? Pft."

"No, no, no the Barn Ghost, that lives in this Barn,"

"You mean this old hay shack that I've been put in charge of to exterminate the pests?"

"Yes."

"I've already looked inside with the farmer. I saw nothing unusual in there."

"But were you looking for signs of rodents or...Barn Ghosts?"

"Well, I didn't know about Barn Ghosts until you brought it up.”

"They sleep in the highest darkest recesses of the barn and only come out at night."

"In the city, we call those bats?"

"Barn Ghosts eat bats."

"I eat bats? After all, they are like rats. But with long sleeves and a fruitier flavor,"

"Barn Ghosts eat cats."

"I eat...Yuck! What? They eat cats? Now I know that you're making it up. Even the cows here as big as they are, won't eat cats?"

"Barn Ghosts do. And they enjoy them. Where do you think all those mighty mousers and rat catchers before you all got to?"

"There were others before me?"

"A few."

"It ate them all?"

"Well, not all of them...there were bits left."

"Ew, why would it eat us?"

"You eat its food.”

"What do you mean?"

"Come here and clear the barn of mice and rats where do you think it will go when it gets hungry? That's right, the place where the mice and rats have been stored by the cat."

"But we don't store food?"

"Storeroom? Stomach? What's the difference?"

"Well, this Barn Ghost hasn't met me yet. I think it's in for a big surprise."

"Well, someone is going to be surprised that's for sure."

"So what does this Barn Ghost look like?"

"Its claw nails are like large blades attached to its feet. It has wings instead of front paws. Wings that help it swoop down behind you in the dark without making a sound...like a ghost. It has large evil eyes that sit on a head that can rotate a full circle, Eyes that burn deep into the depths of your soul like burning coals that would leave indelible holes right through you. The last thing you hear after it finishes crunching your neck bones is it asking a very mysterious question."

"Like what?"

"Who?"

"Who?"

"Yes...Who?"

"What do you mean, who?"

"Who."

"Who what?"

"Who nothing."

"Who nothing?"

"Yes who nothing"

"What?"

"No...Who?"

"I mean, What's who nothing?"

"Who knows nothing?"

"Yeah, so why is he asking? If 'who' knows nothing?"

"You've got me confused now."

"Who?"

"You."

"You were telling me that the Barn Ghost looks deep into your soul and asks...who? I want to know why? If it does have such big eyes why does it need to ask who? Can't it see who?"

"Dunno? but that's all it says...Who?...Who? That’s the mystery...who?”

"Why hasn't the Barn Ghost eaten you?"

“I probably don’t even interest it? I'm too skinny, besides I suck at catching rodents. I get my meals from the farmer's daughter I'm what's called a family pet."

"Huh, I am also the family pet."

"Yet you have to catch your own supper? Sure cat. Besides I don't go into the barn...at all."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm too scared to. Why else? Sheesh."

"Well speak for yourself, Nothing scares this cat, not even a Barn Ghost."

"You do know that the nine lives thing is just a myth right?"

"Well if you excuse me your fearlessness has a job to do requiring courage and bravery."

"You do realize that it's neither courage nor bravery if you don't feel fear to begin with, don't you?"

"Ha, ha, you tender-footed fool if you care to hang around till the sun goes down you can watch a real professional at work making drum sticks out of legs."

"As long as you don't scream like a little girl while it does that to you."

"Don't taunt me cat or I will warm up my own claws upon your throat."

"Behind you...LOOK OUT!"

"WHAAT?!?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to see you jump. Impressive."

"Bastard. Now I forgot what I was talking about?"

"You said that you were about to go sort this Barn Ghost out."

"Yes, that's right. Now stop wasting any more of my valuable time I have a barn to patrol."

"Can I have your basket if you get eaten?"

"I won't get eaten."

"We don't know yet do we?"

"Is there anything else I might need to know before I go?"

"Um, did I mention the Barn Crawlers?"

"The what?"

"Barn Crawlers? You don't get them in the city either?"

"No? What do they look like?"

"They have no legs they wriggle quickly across the ground on their stomach and they have a wickedly painful bite."

"Is there any way to beat these Barn crawlers?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Run for your life."

"I mean, how do I make them run for their lives?"

"Threaten to add them to your friend's list? No? I give up. How?"

"You are quite useless aren't you?"

"We'll see how useless tomorrow. I suppose I had better head back to the farmhouse for the night. Good night cat."

"Um, just a few more questions before it gets too dark... I mean too late."

"Okay, what?"

"So the Barn Ghosts swoop from the sky and the Barn Crawlers wriggle across the ground. Is there anything that arrives in between?"

"Oh yes, I forgot the Barn Wevils they crawl into your fur and just start sucking your blood. But you can beat those,"

"How?"

"The farmer will shave all your fur off so he can put a chemical on you to poison them. I heard it stings a bit."

"Is that it?"

"That's it...

Other than that the old barn is as safe as houses."

Next story...

The Barn Ark.