Thanks Again, Greg

Thanks again, Greg, for filling in last minute. After Carl's accident, I wasn't sure we'd get anyone for third shift for the rest of the year. Anyhow, please read the instructions attached to this note to ensure you're caught up to speed. Yes, I know you've already been on the job for a couple years now and are a consummate security professional, but trust me. Sunnydale Mall is different after hours, especially during the holidays. Please, just make sure you read it and familiarize yourself with the new rules for the shift. I made a few annotations as well, since I know it'll be your first night and all.

Thanks pal,

Dave

P.S. The hospital says Carl will pull through. The boys are putting together a get-well basket if you want to donate. Also, don't forget the NDA you signed for this shift.

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Sunnydale Shopping Center Security Special Instructions - Third Shift (Nov 20th - Jan 5th)

1. Arrive before the end of second shift. You cannot be late.
2. Inventory and assess your equipment at the start of every shift. You should have in addition to your normal equipment: a working wrist watch, a notebook and pen, a sprig of holly and/or mistletoe, a stick of cinnamon, and religious/spiritual paraphernalia of your preference. Keep these on your person at all times.
3. Leave all personal electronic devices in the security room for the duration of your shift. Ensure they are on silent or turned off.
4. Be punctual and observe your breaks only in the break room or security room.
5. Always make sure the security room and break room doors are completely shut whenever entering or leaving.
6. Make sure everyone has left the mall by 9:30 PM. [This should have started during second shift]
7. Make sure all exterior doors are locked by 10:30 PM.
8. If any unauthorized person is found during the shift, escort them to the loading bay for exit. [You are the only person working the mall during this shift. NEVER unlock the main entrance before sun-up.]
9. If an area feels suddenly frigid, note the time and location in your notebook. [Yes, it's been unseasonably warm, I know. Just go with it.]
10. You might hear or see things out of the ordinary during your shift, especially between the hours of 12 and 4 AM. The following instructions dictate advice on known scenarios.
11. Do not eat, drink, or touch any food or beverage found during your shift that you yourself did not bring.
12. If a middle-aged man with a stubbled beard and a flat cap approaches you and offers you a 'cup o' joe' from a metal cup, you are free to drink it. This is the sole exception to the previous rule. [He's insufferably rude, but always listen to him.]
13. If you hear childlike laughter coming from the food court, do not investigate. Write a report for the first shift janitorial staff. Do not touch any spilled yoghurt.
14. If you hear either horses or the sound of geese, do not look up. [This is what happened to Carl. He was lucky.]
15. The PA system will randomly turn on throughout the night and might sound distorted. This is normal. Pay close attention to the songs and note the time when each plays. Instructions 16 through 19 detail specific scenarios regarding the music. ['Jingle Bell Rock', 'Rocking Around the Christmas Tree', 'White Christmas', and 'Let It Snow' are safe, as far as we know.]
16. If you hear 'Little Drummer Boy', do not enter or approach the toy store before the end of the song. If you are already in the toy store, move to the exit as soon as possible and do not linger.
17. If either 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' or 'Here Comes Santa Claus' are heard over the PA, avoid the center court at all costs. [If you hear deep laughter, chains, and hooves, he is close. Hide.]
18. If you hear 'The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy', feel free to take a nice long nap anywhere you please. [I didn't type this one. Under no circumstances must you fall asleep during the shift.]
19. If you hear 'All I want for Christmas is You', please make your way to the security room at the earliest opportunity for the full duration of the song. [RUN!!!]
20. If anything else unusual occurs during the shift, note the time, location, and any other relevant information in your notebook.
21. Unlock all doors between ten minutes after sunrise and the arrival of first shift, starting with the loading bay doors.
22. Wait for first shift to relieve you before you clock out.

Thank you for following the shift rules and ensuring your safety during your employment at the Sunnydale Shopping Center. Please remember that Sunnydale Shopping Center and all associated corporate entities shall not be held legally responsible for anything that should happen to you during your shift.

Happy Holidays!

[Good luck, Greg!]