Satire

The Hawtest of Dates

We locked eyes while I was dancing. He was walking over from the bar, two drinks in hand - is one for me? I wondered. He skulled one then the other immediately. We never broke eye contact; I was weirdly transfixed, he walked up to me full of confidence. We danced together until his two drinks had obviously kicked in and he couldn't keep up with the beat. I lead him to the front door, but when we exited the club he started to lead me instead while waving down a taxi. He kept waving at yellow cars until he accidentally caught the attention of the taxi driver that was already parked in front of us in the taxi bay. At this point, I knew for sure I could rob him blind when he passed out.