Sweet Release

She couldn’t believe how beautiful the sky was, the perfect crisp blue and the clouds so soft she could imagine herself asleep in them. The birds called to each other above her in the trees. She had forgotten how much she loved the sound. She walked up the familiar road that had not felt the steps of a human being in over a decade. Had that much time really passed? She once again marveled at her age and the passage of time as one is wont to do after adolescence has passed.

She turned the corner of the unkept road lined with hedges which had reached out so freely that the path had become difficult to walk through. There she saw the dilapidated red brick building, still standing tall and mostly covered in vines as if nature was in the process of reclaiming the space. She stopped and stared at it. An old friend. An old enemy. This place had been both. Her heart quickened and she felt a pain in her chest. Her breath felt thick and difficult to draw in and out, her lungs weary. The once sharp edges of her vision grew jarringly blurred. She took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes, shakily clearing away the tears that had formed there.

She kept her eyes closed and breathed in, counting 1... 2... 3... 4, held her breath 1... 2... 3, and let it out 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6. She repeated the pattern she had learned years ago until she felt settled again. She heard the birds’ sweet songs and the rustling of the leaves as a gentle breeze trickled through. She slowly opened her eyes and looked at the world slightly out of focus for a while before replacing her glasses. All was stable again. She continued forward.

As she reached the door, she was struck by how smooth and perfect the handle was. It opened with a clean click. As she pushed the door ajar, there was no sound, not even a creak. Everything was dark. The darkness seemed to eat up even the sound of her breathing. Then she heard it. The familiar voice that sounded like the wind. It blew around her and guided her into the house. She felt the panic rising back up in her as she stepped forward, her heart rate and breathing becoming more rapid the deeper she walked into the building. She kept moving in the dark with only the breathy voice to guide her.

She finally saw some light coming from a doorway at the end of the hall. She was drawn toward it. When she reached it and looked inside, she gasped. She remembered the frail sapling that she had carefully transplanted there years ago. It now bore no resemblance with its strangely massive trunk and glowing branches. Among its leaves grew clusters of large, plump, golden pears that seemed to be calling out to her. Enticing her. She thought of the first woman with the snake. Perhaps this place was her snake. Drawing her closer to the fruit.

She reached out and gently grasped one of the fruits. The size of it made her hand seem so small. She felt like a child, grasping on to more than she could handle. She twisted and pulled the pear free from the branch, smiling at the satisfying feeling of release.

She held the large, almost-glowing pear, cupped in both hands and let her mind wander. She remembered her childhood full of laughter and sunshine. Wearing her mother’s apron. Clicking awkwardly around the house in her mother’s heels. She remembered her father’s strong hands, brushing her hair and tying it in a ponytail before school, singing silly songs with her. She remembered the fire. Those torturous flames that took everything from her when she had just finished high school. Still just a girl. She remembered her heart breaking over and over. The toughness she had to develop to survive.

She remembered this building when it was full of light and the tree that stood in the same place as the one that stood before her now. Her beautiful friend who had brought her here. Their secret place that revived them. How they marveled at the impossible tree growing in the midst of the red brick.

She remembered the day when her friend said, “I’m so tired. Aren’t you tired of it all?”

She remembered her friend’s slender hand reaching for the fruit, sinking her teeth into it. The smile on her face as she faded away and whispered, “Follow me.” The voice of her dear friend blending with the wind.

She remembered the crack of the great trunk as it was cut down at her command. The great roots being dug out of the ground. The nearly-glowing seed she found later, impossibly, atop the now treeless mound.

Finally she understood. At last she was ready. Or she thought she was. As ready as she’d ever be. She lifted the pear to her mouth and slowly sunk her teeth into it, taking a pleasingly sweet and tangy bite. As she chewed, she pushed away the questions that arose, pushed down the feelings of doubt. She swallowed them with the sweet fragments of pear. And then she felt it. Her body tingling, becoming lighter. She looked at her hands and started to scream as she watched them vanish.

Her voice came out as wind. Then she felt herself floating high and weightless up through the massive hole in the ceiling. Soon, she was surrounded by blue. The panic she felt only moments before had turned into calm. Into contentment.

She couldn’t believe how beautiful the sky was, the perfect crisp blue and the clouds so soft she could imagine herself asleep in them.