Summer Haze

My eyes are open, yet I cannot tell where I am going.

The tall grass fields stretch for miles in all directions.

I feel the grass brushing against my knees.

My feet continue to carry me, and my body feels like it is being pulled. I look up to the sky and see the stretches of blue with the streaks of white.

It is a breathtaking day as the wind is blowing over the fields so gently, wisping the grasslands, creating a beautiful grass sea.

The temperature of the air makes me feel secure, no humidity or high heat, but a blanket of perfect warmth.

In these grasslands, I feel like I am on my way, but to where?

I refocus my attention on my feet and the direction my body is going, and then I see it.

It was not visible before, but just a few feet away is a clear, still lake, a perfect reflection of the sky.

The tall grass ends, and sand appears in the middle before reaching the lake.

The soft sand feels new to my feet after stepping away from the grass, yet every step feels like I am walking on pillows, shifting around my soles, flowing through the gaps of my toes.

When glancing within the waters, there is no life; the only image I see in the waters is me.

The lake appears to hold so much depth. Sky blue on the surface, but looking directly ahead, I see dark blues, almost as black as midnight. It appears that it could stretch down for miles.

I want to know the depths, and so I lean in to touch the water, only to feel a Jolt of electricity making me pull back.

The sand around my feet started to twirl. I tried to lift my feet, but the sand had hardened. Oh no! I can't get out!

The sky no longer has the streaks of white clouds or maintains the sky's blue color. It is now fully white with clouds above.

But the jolt of electricity was magnifying. My feet would not have led me to this lake for no reason.

I am studying the water when I feel eyes on me on the other end of the lake. I see a male whose feet are also bound to the sand, but the grasslands behind him are not green and knee-length like mine that stretch on for miles; instead, his grass is shorter, as if it were mowed down. There are patches everywhere, neglected, possibly, his grass is not green. Well, not fully, it is a dull green rather than lush.

His grassland looks so damaged it hurts to see, but it is an exact replica of what my grasslands used to be before I took the time to nurture, water, and talk to my lands.

I never imagined my land to spread so far after all the time and attention given.

I am pulled away from my thoughts by a slight movement from him. His eyes are directed at me, and his eyes are reminded of mine with so much love to be given without the knowledge of how to give.

His eyes start to roam over my body, and the blanket of warmth starts to increase in temperature.

Timidly, I look at his body too, and then behind him into his grasslands, only for a second, when I see his hand move towards the water

I look into the sky and see that half the clouds are turning shades of grey. The clouds on his side.

I am thinking of reaching out my hand too. I did want to know the depths and the jolt of electricity that pulsed through my body, and my feet led me here.

I reach my hand out, and my clouds start to change to the colors of grey.

His fingertips lightly touch the surface of the water, causing slight ripples to cascade on the water

Looking into his eyes, my fingertips are just inches away from touching the water when I hear the grumbling sound of thunder.

The tension in the air is becoming thick. The energy does not feel right, but in every sense, I feel this pull. I have been led here; there is a reason why.

My finger tips touch the surface of the water, sending chills through my spine. The feeling is thrilling!

The ripples from the water begin to turn into waves as the gentle wind has now turned wild.

The sand unlocks my feet that were bound by its twists only seconds before I see his untangle.

It is like we are a mirror.

Are hands are both still lightly touching the water as the waves pull the water over our hands. We both rise from squatting and remove our hands from the water. The waves cease, the wind is back to being gentle, but the clouds are still grey, and the atmosphere is still full of tension. Almost as choreographed, we both slowly place our feet into the water, trying to figure out the depth. To my surprise, the lake is shallow. My foot is fully submerged. The wind begins to pick up, and the waves begin again.

Step after step, what I thought was shallow seems wrong. Every step is a new depth, going from my ankle to mid shin to knee to mid thigh to waist. Eventually, we were both swimming. Waves pushing and pulling. The waves never became impossible, nor the wind, but it definitely was an effort for us to meet in the middle.

When we met, there were no words, just high tension, my body heating for the intention of initial touch. This Pull. This unknown I want to figure this out.

I touched his arm, and he grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me in, our lips crashing together heavily, our bodies intertwinings as our legs wrapped together.

Every feeling is so new, I could feel my body rising above the waters. Chills covered my body from the heat of the air and the coldness of the wind and water. When our lips parted, we were suspended feet above the air, almost touching the clouds. Water beneath me, like a tail, created a spiral beneath our legs like the helix in DNA. Then, in one swift motion, we were both dragged into the depths of the water.

The clear water made it hard for me to know how far away I am from the surface. I swam up as fast as I could, hoping I would not run out of air when I broke the surface. I gasped for air. I was no longer sure about this.

Then I spotted him; he was looking into my eyes, and I realized I was wide-eyed. Could he see my fear?

The waves in the water were slowly pulling us back to the opposite ends of the shore. I watched as he walked out and into his grasslands. They looked different. His grass was no longer dull green but lush. The patches of grass were gone, creating miles of full grassland.

It made me smile. Everything was so magical when I turned to walk into mine. They changed as well. My grassland was no longer lush green but dull. They still stood tall to my knee, but they were dry. Only when walking through do I see missing patches of my field.

All of my nurture and care had been damaged.

So lost in thought, I did not realize I had arrived home, just as I had reached the lake, my body carried me without the knowledge of the path it took me to arrive.

* 3 months later *

My eyes are in a haze once again, but I know where my feet are leading me this time. I had mixed emotions about this day happening again. The tension was so high, the energy unmatched. I would be lying if I said I did not try to replicate with other men, but it was unsuccessful. I have never felt a pull for anything with such magnitude.

What happened after our meeting still fills my mind. My grasslands suffered for an energy that was almost amongst the clouds, but fell short. I spot him across the lake; his grasslands are the same as when I saw him after walking out of the water. For the past few months, I have tried to repair my grasslands with new seedlings for the patches of grass loss.

My tall grass was so hard to take care of. I just can't cut it short, removing all of my grasslands would seem like all of my nurture would be in vain. Wouldn't it?

He seemed unsure of what to do, and so I took the first step into the water, and he followed.

There were no grey clouds this time, no thunder or lightning, no waves or wind, but the lake was now foggy. I could no longer see the various colors of blue hues.

We both continued to walk into the waters until we both began to swim, meeting each other in the middle and still not saying anything.

The tension was lost in the air, but everything was the same, yet changed. My feet brought me back here to the guy who is like my mirror. We joined at the lips once again, but there was no dance within the water. We did not intertwine like DNA, but were split into two. The waves appeared, suddenly breaking us away from the kiss. Pushing him back, but pulling me to him, then pushing me back and pulling him towards me. We rocked back and forth in the waves of water that could capsize a small boat. I allowed the Water to toss me like a ragdoll, putting up no fight to get to him; to have him!

When looking past him to his grasslands, the lake started to swirl clockwise. It went as the water carried me along, its wicked spirals a push to keep my neck above water, but the splashes made it hard for me to breathe. I felt my body rise against the water. We were both spinning so fast until we were both propelled out. My body hit the rough sand, and the air escaped my lungs, drenched from the water and gasping for air. It took me moments to learn I was on his side of the lake.

I looked upon his grasslands and saw the damage up close.

The soil was the same as mine, but the texture was off You could feel clumps of rock mixed into the soil. Though the grass was still lush and green, but the grass was prickly.

He tried to take care of his grasslands, but stopped doing so for years it felt.

His grasslands reminded me of what mine could have been if I had never taken the time to nurture them. The soil solidified that we are a mirror, but reflected by differences. When I looked over to him, he was looking at how tall my grass had grown, rolling over in the field, admiring the touch. The moment I started to smile is the moment he stopped. His hands felt the soil, more than likely feeling the soft richness, but he frantically threw it down as if in disgust.

I watched him as he searched my grasslands like he was on a mission. His brows knitted together in concentration to find what he was looking for. He inspected my grass, seeing the dullness in color, but that wasn't enough when I saw him step onto the empty patch. He seemed ecstatic, overjoyed to find a flaw in my grassland. He ran back into the lake, and I stood up to walk in to meet in the middle once again. His smile reached his eyes, it became unsettling because my rough patches happened after our first kiss, my grass dulled after him, while his became lush, repaired after me.

His kiss pulled me away from my thoughts, and his embrace felt like he never wanted me to go. I did not feel the same and started to pull away. His eyes grew wide, shocked at my behavior.

A sudden wave pulled us apart, dragging my body underneath the water. When I emerged, I saw that my grassland was lush again, and when I looked at his, they were dull once more.

The lake started to make waves once again, and when I spotted him emerge from the waters staring at me, the waters began to whip us counterclockwise. The distant sounds of thunder were heard, but the sky was clear and blue, yet the water became dark. We were both expelled from the Lake, landing hard on our own shores.

Once I caught my breath and regained my strength, I ran into my grass fields, noticing the patches had specks of green. I could not comprehend what was happening.

I continue to be pulled to this lake, to this guy, but everything seems to go wrong or spiral. My grasslands get hurt while his repair when he pulls away, but when I pull away, his grasslands suffer while mine repair. His only repair with me, but mine is damaged because of him. My grassland will go back to lush as I continue to stay away, but if he leaves me, then his grassland will go back to disarray. The only thing that keeps me going back to the lake and seeing him is this pull I have no control over, and I don't know how to fight it.

For the next 2 months, I continued to go into a haze. When I spot him, he continues to sit further away from the lake. There is a silhouette of a girl near my age who sits beside him. Each time I revisit, his grasslands become more dry more patchy, but dandelions start to form in his grasslands, making it look magical as the little wisps from the dandelion float across his fields.

I revisit the lake controlled by the haze as it carries my body back to the lack, back to him, and I continue to see the girl sitting beside him, and more dandelions start to appear.

In his grasslands, which were once a lush grass field from our shared kiss, are now drier grass patches with a plethora of dandelions, white clovers, and blue violets that surround him and the girl.

He appears to be happy, but he continues to look over into my grasslands while surrounded by the new sprouts of life.

My tall grasslands continue to regrow, and I hide behind them when I watch him and the girl sitting side by side, even though he appears happy and she created all new life; he and she are surrounded by weeds.

The weeds have now spread for miles. If he starts to pluck them out then then there will be nothing but soil left, and though he did not have much to begin with, it was what he had left. It hurts me to know that I somehow caused this and that I am alone, remembering what was and what could have been, as it could be me sitting beside him, but I don't want any weeds in my field, nor do I want to be pulled against the water. My feet keep bringing me here, but I silently wish to walk away forever. Sometimes I see his eyes meeting mine through my tall grass. Being alone is not how I wanted my life to be, but it has to be this way.

My feet carried me back to my home once again through the haze, where I found a match. I waited for my grassland to reach a hotter season to set it ablaze. The burning took weeks before it stopped, and what was left was a pile of black ash. I refused to plant new seeds or take care of my grasslands; instead, I built a fence to harvest a garden. New soil, new plants, a new start to new life.

I was no longer pulled to the lake after starting my garden and burning my land. I do wonder if the weeds have taken over his expelling his land, too. If I stayed, there would not have been a garden; I would not have my side of the lake, I would only have him and my feet carrying me to him, but that is all that was offered; more damage to me, and to him, an uncontrollable drowning, thrashing, and crashing was not worth it in the long run.

One day, I hope to use my garden to feed the right man who helps me grow and expand, rather than letting it rot. I made a new use of my soil after it was burned, as it needed new life, and so did I. Even though I turned my grasslands from lush green to sad black, new life was able to rise from the ashes.