Summer Breeze

Chapter 1

“How will my heart continue?” thought Lara. It had been three years already and she was not anywhere near ready to face the world. She could still remember the past as if it were yesterday. They had packed up to go up to the cabins that Aunt Sussie had in North Dakota. Beautiful sunsets and cascades, woods everywhere and snow-capped mountains. It was Heaven on Earth! They had announced a storm on the radio, but nothing was going to prevent them from enjoying a week away from the static that had become their lives. They needed this and by God they were going to enjoy it.

Packed and ready to go off they went. “Did you pack your suitcase, Sophie?”. “Yes mom. I did. I even have my heart shaped locket inside teddy that Nana gave me”, she said.

Mark had just entered the house carrying what looked like fishing rods and skiing boots from the shed, because “you never know, it might snow in August”, he said.

Everything was going according to plan, we were right on schedule, and the only thing that we had to do was put all the blankets on the floor, combine our sheets and pillows, add our favorite teddy bears to the pile, and make them into a knot and put it inside the jeep. Aunt Sussie had sheets, but we liked to bring our own, plus, they had not been to the cabin in months, everything would have to be wiped down and washed.

The trip would be five hours. It was not bad. We always enjoyed driving up, it was not our first rodeo. Every year we would try to make a trip away from the city to enjoy time as a family, because growing up, Nana and Pops had done that for us, and we were still talking about those trips between siblings. We wanted the same for our daughter and our future children. Sophie was seven, we had been trying for a few years to get pregnant again, but we had not had any luck. After a while we stopped trying and left it all to fate. Sophie was more than we could handle at the moment anyway. Mark was busy with the law firm, and it was a miracle he was able to get the time off, and my studies were at a stand still at the moment, the Courts were not making it any easier for the Interpreters to continue their education and my hours were cut in half in the past three months. I was ready to get away to burn the marshmallows on the stick and listen to the mockingbirds in the morning sunshine. Silence is what we both needed. A week away was going to provide us with much needed energy.

At 9am we had everything we needed ready to go. We would be there in time for a late lunch. We had sandwiches for the road, cookies, potato chips, and a full coffee thermos, juice for Sophie.

On our trip Sophie decided she wanted to listen to some music instead of playing the old “I spy game”, she was growing up and we could tell there would not be many more trips left with her. Mark and I looked at one another and we read each other’s thoughts. Our little girl was not so little anymore. Where had the time gone? It wasn’t that long ago we were changing her diapers.

I remember once telling Mark a story about a family I knew that had gone on a long trip along the Eastern Coast just to be chased by a hurricane the whole way. The weather after a couple of hours on the road started to deteriorate, and the rain was pelting our windshield forcefully. Thousands of drops now blanketed the road and we could hardly see five yards ahead of us. Out of nowhere, a trailer swerved onto our lane and hit us on the side, the jeep overturned, flipped in the air twice. I had no idea what was happening, the windows shattered, I felt the rain on my face, I could not move, everything was upside down. I reached over to see Sophie and she was looking at me, not moving, with her eyes so still, I yelled for help… no one was coming, she was not answering. ‘Mark, Mark! Oh Mark! honey’… I screamed in terror… and everything went black.

CHAPTER 2

“Mrs. O’Malley, Mrs. O’Malley”, I am doctor Weissman. Can you hear me?”

I still remember those words, waking up to see a man standing before me with a white coat. An unknown place, beeps and cables, and bruises all over my body. Terrified, in pain, in so much pain in my heart, I could not breathe… I found myself sobbing…

“Sophie, where is Sophie? I want to see her. Mark, I want to see my husband? Where is my husband?” I screamed in agony at the poor man before me. All I heard was… 25cc…

Not a day… not a day… every day… month by month… years……. Always the same. Silence, oh the silence! How I long for noise!

It’s been three years. Tomorrow is the anniversary of that fateful day in August when my whole world fell apart and I had to figure out how to get up every morning. I still struggle. The loss is too much to bear. They say it gets easier, but they don’t know. How can I keep going when my reason for being is gone? I hold her locket in my hands and close my eyes… “Mommy, mommy, look what I found?”, A small frog in her tiny hand from the backyard’s pond. I cringe and say, “set her free honey, or she won’t be able to find her princess?”, “but I am her princess mommy”, she says, “should I kiss it?”, and kiss it she does.

“Daddy, daddy, mommy said I should set this frog free so he could find his princess, but I think he already found one, what do you think?” “That he did my love, that he did; but you better set her free or I will challenge your frog to a mighty duel, and we will let the best man win, all for the love of the fairest princess on the land”. “Oh daddy, I love you! this is just a prince, you could never compete with him, you will always be a king”.

“Nurse, give her diazepam, 15mg as needed. I will come by to check on her in a week”.

Sussie thought it would be best to have a nurse to come check in on me every day and a doctor for house visits every week. I do not know what I want anymore. There is no reason to live. Life is just a blur. When I open my eyes and everything is blurry, I just want to close them again and dream away. Only in dreams do I get to see my baby girl. Nana’s locket is all I care for now, my heart is their heart, my soul is gone, only when I hold on to it do I see them again. Yesterday I saw Mark, he was just in the background grilling, sometimes he is smiling or singing or skiing… he loved my lasagna; I am starting to lose him too. I want to keep on dreaming forever, I want to hold them until my arms hurt from the embrace.

Doctor Weissman says I can take walks in the meadow or go to the stables and ride on Spirit. Spirit is my favorite black stallion. We had him for 20 years before the accident. I remember Pops teaching me to ride and then teaching Sophie how to mount Spirit. He was always so gentle, and he loved her so. He would eat the apples from her tiny hand and would nod his head in excitement and make her laugh. They would take to the prairie and spend the whole day together. Spirit always made me smile too. Maybe I can go see him. It’s been a long time.

CHAPTER THREE

“Good morning ma’am, I’m Wes. The new stable hand”. “Good morning Wes, how do you do? I’m…” “Yes! I know!, Mrs. O’Malley”. “You can call me Lara”. “Hello, Lara, ma’am”.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been to the stables, how is Spirit?”, said Lara. “Spirit is doing ok although he seems to be depressed, I have tried to ride him but it’s like his heart is not into it. You wouldn’t happen to know a trick or two on how to get him to perk up, do you?”. “Oh, it has been a while since I rode Spirit, he may not even recognize me anymore”. “I don’t know Mrs. O’, Lara, ma’am, perhaps all he needs is some TLC from his favorite rider”. “His favorite rider is no longer Wes, have a good day”.

I go back to my room after a futile effort and plump on the bed. There is no use. There is no joy. I hold the locket and close my eyes.

“Mommy, look, Spirit and I can jump the 33 hurdles, pretty soon we will be able to go up two notches”, Mommy, see Spirit walk sideways, he loves to show off”. “Honey, do you know where my red and blue tie is? I’m going to be late”. Baby, will you please call Howard back and tell him I will meet him tomorrow afternoon at the yacht club? I have to go”.

I dream away and nurse Wilkins just sits there and stares. It is as if I can only stare back and cry and close my eyes and pretend that everything is fine because I am alive, but I am dead. Full of sorrow and darkness. Nothing but an empty shell.

The days turn into nights and the nights turn into months. Doctor Weissman has decided to come see me now once a month. I am not sure what people expect from me, but Sussie is relentless and nurse Wilkins does not leave me alone. Sussie has convinced me to eat at the corner bakery, they have a little quaint location off Main Street with a beautiful wrap around porch where you can smell the fresh air and admire the magnolias. There is also a meadow with a cascade that falls from the river that feeds the water to the whole town and runs through the bakery grounds; a koi pond is part of the façade of the bakery, and they even give you food so you can feed the fish. I have to admit it is beautiful and was always one of my favorite spots for afternoon coffee. Maybe the fresh air will do me good. I have to admit I am craving a cup of wine instead. I have been cut off since I started my medications, but a glass of wine and quiche might not be a bad idea.

The sun is in full swing. Sussie picked me up. I wore a sundress and wedge shoes I had in a box from a few years back, with the tag still on. I need to remember to go by Peggy Sue’s store, I always found things I liked at ‘Little Trink”, perhaps a new Fall dress is in order, or a necklace to go with that coat that has been hanging in the corner of my closet. We arrive at the bakery, and it looks sunnier than I remember it. Sussie told me they repainted a few years ago and remodeled the screened in patio so the sun in the afternoons reflects on the pond and brings in the light. What a gorgeous space. It is only 5pm and the sunset is painting the most beautiful canvas with its pinks and reds and yellows. I should go back to the studio and get a new canvas. Perhaps I get inspired and can paint again.

We order our quiches and a bottle of their cabernet sauvignon. It feels good to breathe. Maybe tomorrow I will ride Spirit. I do not struggle to get up anymore. I carry Nana’s locket with me. I know that I can always take it in my hand, close my eyes and see them, and they will always be with me. My memories of them is all I have left but they will live in my heart forever.

The End