Subsistent Lies

When Zaria had told me and Gabby that mama was to marry us off at court I was happy because I would finally get a chance to find someone to take daddy’s place as my provider, but yet sad because if I did find someone I would have to say bye to my sisters. Although I seemed isolated from them, I loved them, I just didn’t know how to get that through to them without getting hurt again. The last person I told I loved abandoned me when I needed him the most.

As we were heading to court I realized how much I loved them. Zaria took on the role as me and Gabby’s protector by trying to change mama’s mind about marrying us off, even if it was to no avail. And Gabby the one I was the most envious because she didn’t need anybody. She sacrificed her horse, her most prized possession, in order to help Col win the tournament so daddy’s debt to Colin’s family would be repaid. My sisters have given much since his death and I have given nothing. I have been too sheltered and protected by my family that I believe it is time I returned the favor. I said I would work for what I wanted and I wanted to restore my family’s wealth.

As soon as we had arrived at court everyone went their separate ways. Only Mama, Zaria, and I were left, but soon Zaria left to go somewhere too. “Honey, why don’t you enjoy the festivities before the tourney. I have some things that I must attend to dealing with, err, some errands.”

I was going to ask her what errands but she had already disappeared into the crowd. I sighed and watched where she had left. Once again I was left alone and I blamed it all on daddy. He told us he loved us and left us leaving Gabby to blame herself. I would have to make amends with her as soon as I could. I didn’t mean to yell at her yesterday, the pain was still raw and I felt bad she was leaving all the blame all up to Zaria. It was sad; I was left alone in the world it seemed. Zaria had Calib, Gabby had Colin, Mama had her two eldest daughters, and I was left to fend for myself. I knew that marriage would be best for me; I needed to find a new someone to help ease the pain.

I walked past a couple of stands, admiring what fellow merchants and so on sold, spices and such, when I spotted a gleam of purple. Then there was more purple, then different shades of red, pink, and orange. I walked toward the crowd and watched as different girls, all different shades, moved their body to the fast paced music that the lute player provided. Never in my life had I seen dancing like this, and I marveled at the way the girls could move their body. I turned to an elder lady who looked to know what was going on and asked, “What is this dancing?”

The lady smiled at me, her crooked teeth gleaming and replied, “Tiz the forbidden danze of the eazt?”

“Forbidden?” I asked confused. How could something so beautiful be forbidden?

“It iz belly danzing. One of ze gypsy’s remediez to a lonely heart.”

“Tis beautiful.” I sighed, looking upon the girls who swayed their body to and fro. I studied their faces and only saw pure enjoyment and peace. It did look like a cure to all of life’s punishments.

“You are young and beautiful. Would you want to join ze girlz in their freedom dance?”

I looked to this older lady, then back to the dancers. I did want to join them and wanted to find freedom in the dance but still…. “I could not.” I sighed, turning away.

“And why not?”

“I do not know how to dance. I would make a fool of myself and disgrace to your girls.”

“Nay little one. I’m zure you’d be quite fine…” the older lady circled me and I knew I couldn’t’ talk my way out of it.

“I don’t even have the proper clothing.”

“We fix thiz easily. Come, follow me.” she gestured toward a nearby tent and I followed her inside. She turned and examined me once more. Finally she replied, “You are very little in ze waize and big in ze cheze. Hmmm, red and orange will be your color….ah it will.”

She walked to a large iron chest and started pulling out different arrays of colors. When she found what she looking for she turned toward me. “Zis will zuit you perfectly.” She pushed me behind a screen and yelled, “Now you will drez.”

I looked down at the fabric in my arms then looked back up at the screen. “How do I dress, per say? I don’t see how you,” I lifted the sheer fabric, “put this on.”

I heard her sigh and walk behind the little screen. “You make more trouble than your worth. Now undrez”

“What!” I asked, covering myself.

“Undrez so I can help you put on ze costume. Come girl, don’t be modez.”

I looked at her again and slowly started to undress. That was the thing with me. I hated undressing, even in front of my sisters. That was one thing that I did hold in common with Zaria. We both hated dressing in front of people. Gabby on the other hand, freely dressed and undressed wherever she pleased. While I was thinking of all this, I had fully undressed. The elder lady broke me of my thoughts. “Good. Now, c’mere so I help you.”

I sighed as I walked toward her. I still didn’t believe that I was near naked in front of a stranger. “You will put zis hand in here, and zis will go in here…” I obediently followed her instructions until we were done. “Hmm good, very good.” The lady nodded.

I looked down and turned red. When the outfit was on the dancers, it seemed to cover their body, on me it didn’t seem to cover anything. “This is good?” I asked awkwardly.

She nodded and handed me a belt with little bells on it. “You know how to put on a belt, yez?”

I nodded as I took the belt and fastened it around my waist. “Good, now move your waize like this, back and forth.”

I looked at her confused and she sighed again. “Beautiful, but not zo bright.”

She walked to me and placed her hands on my hips and started moving them. “Move them, like thiz.”

I nodded as she took her hands off of me and I slowly started to move my hips. She smiled, “Ze, you are natural.”

“I suppose.” I said uncertainly.

“Come, now you will danze.”

“What, now?” I asked confused.

She nodded. “You are ready enough, now come.” She said pulling my arm and taking me outside.

The crowd had gotten larger and I cringed. “I really don’t have to…”

I had begun to speak but she had already pushed me in with the other dancers. I stood there at first, looking frightened I’m sure, and looked for the lady. When we made eye contact she nodded and I slowly started to move my hips the way she had taught me. I close my eyes and allowed the music to take over my body and release my soul.