Stuck

She struggled against the deep, dark mud. Her wide round eyes darted around helplessly, the panic so evident, the sounds she tried to make came out silent, and strained, the quiet sound of desperation. I searched her eyes for any hope and she seemed to search mine as well. I looked around. I had nothing with me. Nothing to use. I took a deep breath and trudged into the mud, it almost seemed to swallow me whole. I got closer to her as the mud grew darker, heavier, deeper. She saw me and her struggles became more apparent, more desperate, trying to get closer but it only sunk her deeper. I shot my arms up in a signal for her to stop.

"I need you to trust me," I wanted to say but the words came out silent for I was stricken with uncertainty. Can she trust me? Can I save her, then save myself as well?

I was getting closer now, my legs getting heavier with each step. I wasn't going to give up. I had to save her. When I was close enough to reach her I cupped that sweet face in my hands and looked deep in her panicked eyes until I could sense a bit of hope. Hope that something in my eyes would give it to her. The panic and desperation in her eyes calmed and so did mine. We gave that to each other. In it's place a bit of determination.

I wrapped my arms around her torso and pulled. I pulled until my legs and arms burned, the mud had thickened around her, trying to swallow her and was now in the process of swallowing me as well. As soon as her legs were a little bit free she began to struggle again, this time not out of panic but with hope, she had a way out. Her weakened legs found me, clinging to safety. I looked around, the way out seemed an eternity away.

My legs grew heavier still, but now heading towards freedom through the unforgiving muck. Her weight now added to mine, I made sure she could not see my face for my hope now started to falter. Realizing I was almost waste deep now, sinking as I tried to walk, I knew we were running out of time. I started slowly, I knew my urgency to get out while holding her would get stronger now as her life clung to mine. My limbs ached, all of them. I must have been shaking violently, or was that her in my arms? Our fear had melded into each other. I wanted to lay down and curl up with her in my arms, close my eyes and never wake up. The ache and burn in all my muscles would stop and I could rest, it would be over. This is what I envisioned as I got closer to the edge of the monstrous, mucky dark abyss attempting to eat us alive.

Eventually I began to feel lighter, my steps began to feel less weight. When I felt my knees break through in to open air and out of the mud it was all I could do to keep from collapsing. I managed a few more steps out before doing so and suddenly my emotions flooded out of me, the extreme relief and being absolutely terrified released itself and I sobbed uncontrollably, still clutching her. Had I been holding my breath that whole time as well? My sobs were deep, gasping for air, knowing she was safe in my arms, we were both safe.

My tears marking their trails down my muddy face, I looked back and the soulless muck had already swallowed the trail I had trudged through, not a trace of my struggle to get out. The feeling of seeing that brought a new wave of fear and panic in me and I struggled to breathe again. The trauma was calling me back, to be swallowed again, and never get out.

Suddenly my arms were empty. She was gone. I had saved her, and with a quick trembling in my arms she disappeared. I had saved her and myself but as the darkness tried to call me back, I refused to be the one that got stuck this time for who would save me? Shouting a silent no, I shook my head as hard as I could. I shut my eyes until my eyelids hurt, I would not go back, I will not get stuck. I risked my life to save hers, and who was she?

I woke up with my arms wrapped tightly around myself.