Stroke…My True Journey

It came out of nowhere, the dreaded banging horrendous migraine that shuts me down in total darkness. The one terrible headache that is life debilitating. One eye with no vision and excruciating shooting pain going through the head. Thumping every two seconds to the point of collapse had I not been sitting down on a chair. A very regular severe headache that affects me on a weekly basis.

Only this time it was more disturbing. A weird numb tingly feeling of your body being taken over which lacked any control.

I was 38 at the time a stroke happened. As a Lunchtime Assistant in a primary school, the role was suitably perfect as had young children to work round as a single mum. I was a First Aider too and well liked. I absolutely loved my job and had done volunteering work in many schools in the previous years which worked in my favour to gain that position.

I was at work in a meeting that day and never believed my life would change forever. I think everyone would agree we somewhat take life for granted. We don’t expect anything. We don’t think it will happen to us. We think we are always lucky. I thought that but what I didn’t know is a stroke would affect my families life especially for many years to this day and that there seems no hope for a miracle cure. There are unfortunately no magic pills or potions that can reverse the damage done. We can’t turn that clock back or jump in a time capsule to start over. It’s not a Back to the Future movie…if only life were that simple.

The overwhelming feeling in that meeting was like I was outside of my body looking in on it. I couldn’t move and my face I felt drop, my speech was slurred and I was sort of drooling. My arm was dangling like a pendulum. It was like someone had put a big weight in my hand. I felt out of it not with it at all. I was worried as this had come out the blue and I knew it was serious. Staff were frantic making me comfortable and safe reassuring and talking to me. Not sure exactly what was happening. It happened all so quickly and unexpectedly. I was so scared and it crossed my mind life may be over.

Suspecting stroke the medics took me to hospital immediately. It was frightening lying on the bed in the ambulance being wired up with monitors and all sorts. Arriving at the hospital and taken to A&E, I remember nurses, doctors, and consultants doing their very best to find the definite cause. Test after test an MRI in order to provide treatment and recovery.

Home was and still is difficult. The impact of left sided weakness and numbing has never left 10 years on. I’d of thought nothing could get any worse at that point but how wrong could I be….

In 10 years since the stroke I’ve dealt with a vast amount of brain linked problems..hemiplegic paralysing migraines lasting days on end, pseudo seizures-27 exhausting ones in a day needing morphine to control. Severe depression, anxiety, stress, life limiting bowel control, to name a few and more recently memory issues getting worse gradually.

Of course there are better days than worse ones now but I find it hard to adjust and sometimes can’t accept what’s happened to me. I’m not giving up & am so determined I’ve been called a fighter. I never wanted this life. But we don’t always get to choose the one we want.

I’m alive & thankful for that. In the blink of an eye a persons life can change so much. Nothing prepares you for what’s to come. I’m a warrior I’m a survivor and I ll keep fighting.