Still Got It

I never thought it would come to this. I never thought that my life would be so complicated. After two divorces, my first husband was a pick. He would come late and he was just into himself. He would always want to party and drink. And he would say the wrong thing at the wrong time. He was just awful. I did love him. Sometimes he was fun. And sometimes he was loving but one incident, one moment of nuttiness. I tried to endure for it for awhile. I would try to be the sound one. I would try to be the calm one. But enough is enough. When can I be me. When I can be free. When I can be alive for a moment. And thank God we did not have kids. I wanted kids but he kept putting them off. Saying he is not ready. Saying that he needs the right job. Saying he doesn't understand fatherhood. Saying that he never had a father. And I felt sad for him. I really did. I thought this broken man would never be fixed. Until I caught him with his secretary at four in the afternoon. And the bastard gave her a baby. That's when I moved out and separated. John was not gonna get the best of me. John was not gonna break me. John was not gonna have me for lunch. Lillian Maxine was no longer gonna take it. I was fed up with this loser of a man who lied to me everyday of my life. And those moments of love were all imaginary. And I put off from that rocky divorce where John was trying to swindle me out of everything. That summarize my late 20's. Then into my early 30's I went partying after that somewhat short marriage. I was ready to live again. I never knew life could be great in the 30s. I had many friends and we would go on trips and everyone knew my name. My job was going well that I did not need John's alimony. And I was partying like a teenager. And I did not want to get tied down again. I sold my oaths. I was completely married to me and life was wonderful. But then you know after almost a decade of being married to myself, midlife crisis. I got back my feelings of being alone. I got back those old feelings of wanting somebody. And Keith was different. John was from one planet but Keith was from a different planet. He was a few years younger. He was built unlike John. He was adorable and he wanted babies. He was matured for his age. And he swept me off my feet. We started a secret relationship and then my friends found out. Especially when I kept spending time with him. Keith was wonderful and loving. And so I risked it in my mid 40s married again. And things were going right. We were in love. And I got pregnant. The pregnancy went well but Keith started to be shaky on having a girl. And I named her Belu Lilian. I had this fantasy that we could make it. I wanted us to make it because I never been more happier. I never been more grateful for life. So I stood for our daughter Belu and I stood for the memories. And this went on for sometime. My marriage with Keith definitely outlast John by far but was I happy. And our daughter Belu started to grow. Keith kept spending less and less time. And I began to struggle as a single parent in a two parent home. And finally in my late 50s enough was enough, I divorced Keith. But to my surprise Keith was happy and paid child support. Keith and I love affair was broken and I was living in a mirage. After that I sworn off men for the rest of my life it will be my daughter Belu Lilian. I decided on my own and by myself. And Belu was growing and changing. She never missed her father and she never asked about him. She was not a bad teenager, curious but not bad. Smart but not devious. She was like me. And as she was getting ready for college. I started to feel alone. She was my world and all. So I reunited with friends and spent time with them and watching Belu. And Belu asked if she could bring a friend when she come up. I moved away so my friends could not hear. And I just slowly agreed and was happy she came. So I spent my time and clean the house. I prepared the meal. And Belu came with a Professor. I must admit he was handsome and he kissed my hand and open the door. And I pretended to not notice. And Belu introduced me to him. her professor who went by the name Hubert. Now Hubert was interesting, polite and midage. He knew a lot and I learned a lot from him. He even offered to help me in the kitchen. Hubert kept wanting to do things for me and one day we bump into eachother and kiss. And Belu caught us. Hubert embarrassingly left and apologized. Belu pretended to be shock and she said Mom you still got it. Dad didn't take it from you. John didn't take it from you. Mom you still got it.