Stay

The darkening sky swept over my head like a large fluffy blanket, making the edges of my awareness fuzzy. Black, skeletal outlines rushed by outside as the car engine hummed. The three boys crammed in the back seat slumbered quietly, with only an occasional soft noise as one of them tried to shift to a more comfortable position, only to knock one or both of the others.

I twisted my lips in a rueful smile–after all, it was my presence that forced the three of them to cram together like sardines in a can. Really, I wasn’t even sure why I was here, driving across a foreign land with a merry band of sons of noble houses, out to save–or resurrect–a fallen kingdom. A kingdom that wasn’t mine. I had married into this mess due to a misjudgment on the part of my family and my government, that Liastra would win the war brewing between them and Eradon. They had lost. And now I was on the run with my husband of one week and his buddies.

A few stars twinkled overhead. Ian had left the top down, and the wind stung my eyes if I leaned over too far. I snuck a glance in his direction. I supposed for a noble girl, he was supposed to be the epitome of attractive–proud nose, high cheekbones, blonde hair, green eyes. To me, he looked haughty and unapproachable. It wasn’t that he’d been cruel–just distracted. He’d left family in the capital, and hadn’t heard from them since the attack. Only me, who had staggered out into the desert and somehow stumbled into a rest stop where the mechanic knew the boys, knew Ian’s house insignia emblazoned on my wedding ring. I supposed it had saved my life. I idly scratched at the bandages covering my arm, resisting the urge to rip the wrapping off my forehead.

“Leave it be.” Ian said in a low voice, glancing in the rearview mirror to make sure he didn’t wake the other boys. “Itching means it’s healing.”

I opened my mouth, the words it sucks in a whiny, bratty tone reminiscent of my five-year-old self on the tip of my tongue, but I sighed and closed my mouth again. Ian spared me a glance, making an awkward noise in his throat like he, too, had something else to say, then his lips tightened into a thin line, and he returned his gaze to the road, glaring at it like it was responsible for him being stuck with a rebellious, new age noble for a wife.

Wife. I winced at the word, trying to ignore thoughts of dark brown eyes and wild curls. I bit my lip as my eyes burned, willing myself not to cry, not to have to explain or look weak when he inevitably assumed I was crying in pain. Or because I couldn’t stand the itching. I really did hate being itchy.

I couldn’t blame him of course–we’d met and been married within a few days. He’d had a road trip planned–noble sons out to see the kingdom they’d rule together. I had given my blessing for the trip to go ahead.

And then the capital fell, and I had so far been the only one they knew of the bloodied and broken survivors turning up across the desert surrounding the city. I knew they would have rather seen anyone–their fathers, mothers, sisters, even uncles–rather than a woman they barely knew. Whom two of them had never met prior to the rest stop.

“I’m sorry.” The whispered words didn’t register at first, then I frowned, glancing in the mirror to see who had woken.

“If you hadn’t married me, you’d be safe at home right now.” Ian continued quietly. His voice sounded like when you pulled a string so tight it vibrated, right before it broke. I blinked. I’m sure there’s someone else who…” his voice really did crack, and I could tell it hurt. He winced and cleared his throat, looking at the boys in the backseat through the mirror, avoiding eye contact with me. “I’m sure this isn’t the future you wanted.”

“I’m sure you were waiting for another girl to make her way out of the city.” I murmured, leaning my head perilously close to where the wind might hit my face full force. A soft choking noise startled me. Was he laughing? I didn’t think I’d ever heard more than a dry chuckle before.

“If that’s what’s bothering you…there was no one else.” he sighed. “I always assumed that one day I’d have the time to meet someone, when I finally caught up on all the…meetings, papers, tracking down errant cousins.” His voice took on an annoyed edge, and I caught him glaring in the rearview mirror at his younger cousin Nate. Rumor had it Nate spent all his time running from his work, and Ian had been the one to drag him back. I really didn’t know how or why Nate’s dad had allowed it. Nate was of the main branch of the family after all, and stood to inherit more than Ian…and should have been more responsible. I shifted in my seat nervously. With everything that had happened recently, my knowledge of the political goings-on in Liastra was…woefully inadequate.

“That doesn’t mean I’m anything like what you wanted.” I whispered, painfully aware that my presence here remained tenuous at best. My kingdom could choose to take me back any day. They could choose to leave me on the side of the road. Gods knew I wasn’t much use in a fight–in my home, it was the height of impropriety for a woman to know how to fight. I wondered if Ian knew that yet.

“I…” he glanced in the mirror again. “I guess I never asked myself what I wanted.” He snuck a look at me. Furtive, nervous. I blinked. Of the five of us, he’d always been the calmest, most confident. And the way the others acted…they treated him like he was always the most self-assured. “You’re certainly not what I expected…but I expected…” he trailed off. I stared out into the dark blur of trees, losing track of time. Hot pinpricks rippled across my blurry vision.

“It’s alright.” I whispered some time later, as the moon moved across the sky over our heads. He took a breath, but didn’t say anything, his knuckles tightening on the steering wheel. The moon started to set.

He pulled off to the side at a rest stop as the first hints of light appeared on the horizon before us. Nate stirred grumpily in the back seat.

“Wait.” Ian said as I got out of the car, slamming the door with maybe a little more force than strictly necessary. The three boys in the back jolted awake. “Please,” Ian continued.

“I need the restroom.” I said, my voice somehow sounding cold, but also broken and lonely.

“What the hell did you do wrong now, Ian?” I heard Nate shout-whisper as I all but ran into the little shop across the lot. I saw in the reflection on the glass doors that Ian shook his head and got out of the car without looking at anyone.

I took the extra time to rinse my mouth and splash water across my face and the back of my neck. My eyes still looked red and puffy, but there was little I could do about it, so I let it be.

“Rhyia.” Ian’s voice sounded strained, my name stretching it to breaking as I stepped out of the shop. “Please.” He moved his arm as if reaching out to me, then changed his mind and just waved for me to follow him over to the edge of the asphalt. I considered refusing, but my presence here was precarious enough as it was. I sighed and followed as requested.

Ian stopped at the edge of the lot, sitting on the raised concrete with his shoes in the deep green grass. We had come so far from the citadel. I sat a carefully measured distance away, kicking off my secondhand sandals and pressing my toes into the cool dirt.

“I…I’m sorry.” Ian said again, running his hand through his perfectly styled hair and mussing it all up. “I never…I’m not any good at this. You deserve better.” He caught his lip between his teeth for a moment. I dared to look up, and his eyes sparkled behind his glasses. “This…” he gestured to the road vaguely, “Is not what you were promised.”

I was already shaking my head before he finished speaking. “I don’t care about that. Okay, sure, it’s stressful, but…” I huffed out a breath. “My family spent more time traveling the country than we did at the capital. This…actually feels more like home to me than the city.”

He blinked, staring at me in shock. “Traveling is one thing, sleeping on the side of the road is…”

“We camped our way across the kingdom and back a few times a year. We’d hike the mountains along the northern border, go kayaking in the lakes. We swam with dolphins in the south once.”

He’d fallen silent, staring at me like he’d never seen me before. I guess he hadn’t, not really. Not like this. I hadn’t let him, and he hadn’t tried.

I turned my head an inch or two as I heard the boys shouting behind us, and Ian turned to glare at them, making a shooing motion with his hand. The shouts faded into laughter, then a door slammed and it fell quiet again.

“If…” Ian took another deep breath, blinking quickly. “I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted your old life back. We could escort you to the border…”

“Is that what you want?” I asked, watching him carefully. He stared at me in surprise.

“I…well, I was asking you…”

“What do you want?” I pressed, my chest tight.

He swallowed. “That…it’s selfish.”

“I’m asking.”

“I…” he met my gaze for probably the first time in days. Maybe the first time ever, honestly. “I want you to stay.” He rushed on to say, “I know…I know it’s selfish, I know you could get hurt. But…I feel better, with you here. It’s easier…to think of life after all this is settled. With you.” His lips twitched. “Maybe vacations to Tarina.”

I smiled, picturing the oceanside city with a fond smile. “I’d like that.” I tentatively reached out to brush my fingertips against the back of his hand. “I’ll stay as long as you’ll let me.” I said quietly.