Spring, Finally.

The air conditioner in the local cafe was generally a safe haven in the midst of a heatwave, but today it felt like it was piercing through Ana’s t-shirt. As if she was self-soothing, she wraps herself in her own arms and creates friction with her palms for warmth, watching the door like a lion stalking its prey. Startled by the sudden clink of the ice cubes melting in her water glass, Ana’s eyes darted away from the door. The interruption made her pause and wonder; when was the last time she had seen Caroline? How many years had it been?

The last memory she could recall was when she was 5 years old. It was her first day of kindergarten, and she was so anxious. She hadn’t been in a setting with that many other children since the foster home. Caroline insisted on dropping her off at school along with her New Mother, but despite their shared DNA, she didn’t feel a connection with her. Ana had to transition into an independent being at such a young age. The feelings of abandonment ran through her veins at this point, and though Ana didn’t realize it, resentment did too.

As they were walking down the block towards her new school, both women held each of her hands. Her New Mother squeezed the hand she was holding as if to remind Ana that she was here for her.

“There’s nothing you need to be nervous about, Dad and I will have ice cream when you get home.” The gentle squeeze of her Mother’s hand promised.

“Okay, I’ll be brave.” Ana squeezed back confidently. Her new mom always kept her promises.

Caroline held her other hand limply as if she were prepared to drop it any second and disappear down any one of the crossroads they passed. Ana couldn’t even feign naïveté when she overheard Caroline talking with her New Mother.

“I’m really glad that you could make it. It means a lot to Ana.” Her New Mother said with a warm smile that reached the corners of her eyes.

“I think you’re reading into this too much.” Caroline said, avoiding eye contact.

“In what way?” Mother asked, trying to disguise the wariness in her voice. It wasn’t working.

“Don’t worry about it.” Caroline shrugged.

That was the last time that Ana saw Caroline.

It wasn’t just the abandonment that caused the temperature in her heart to decline- It was the apathy. The relationship had always felt frosted over, but this moment is one that stuck with Ana in the years to come. While Ana exerted herself through her adolescence the temperature toward Caroline continued to drop. The frost became ice, and then the ice solidified until the weight of it felt like it was ten inches thick.

So how did she get here, Ana wondered. In this cafe waiting for Caroline to show up? She fiddled with the condensation-soaked paper coaster that sat beneath her glass. The once bulky square ice-cubes were nothing more than little pebbles, floating at the top of her water now.

The reality was that Caroline had reached out to Ana on Facebook, of all places. Her knee-jerk reaction was to block her, and she did just that. It took a whole year for her to gather up the courage to finally open the message. The way the message was conceptualized in Ana’s mind was either incredibly positive or negative, there was no in-between. Imagine Ana’s surprise when she finally opened the much-delayed message on her twentieth birthday and what she saw was not a long paragraph, full of excuses and apologies. It was a simple one-word greeting:

Caroline: Hi.

At that moment, Ana realized, that it felt like the hydrogen bonds were breaking in the ten-inch thick ice barrier surrounding her heart. In all her hostility, she had forgotten that this created villain may have been thinking about her just the same. It wasn’t a grand gesture that melted the ice barrier, but it was time itself. The instant that Ana realized that she was the one prolonging the cold, it became easier to chip away at the barrier.

This moment of clarity, while sitting in an air-conditioned cafe, the ice melted into the warmth of Spring. What was left was a beautiful pond; Pristine and brimming with life. Ana picked up her water glass, took a sip, and crunched on the lonely ice cube that was left behind. She was so lost in introspection that she didn’t even hear the footsteps approaching her table.

A deep breath.

“Hi.” Caroline said.