How to be a Good Citizen

The following guidance has been prepared by the United States government for all citizens in the wake of an uptick in domestic terrorism in the Midwest. The President and his Cabinet have heard of widespread safety concerns caused by these incidents, and they would like to reassure the American people that ICE and the military are prioritizing your safety as Americans above all else.

Please read these 10 steps carefully in order to do your part in ensuring a Great America. Additional resources for your thorough review will be available shortly, and updates will be shared with all citizens who can provide the required proof of identification during upcoming door-to-door home visits.

Step 1: Forget everything you have ever learned about history and/or social studies. This includes, but is not limited to, your knowledge of democracies, the Bill of Rights, any of the following Amendments to the U.S. Constitution, the Civil War, World Wars I and II, etc.

Step 2: Register to vote as a Republican. You may skip this step and the next if you are already registered as a Republican. If you were previously registered to vote as anything other than a Republican, continue to Step 3.

Step 3: Apologize publicly on every platform available to you for your previous bout of Trump Derangement Syndrome. This step works best with phrasing such as, "My TDS is cured. LONG LIVE KING TRUMP. #ownthelibs4ever," or something of a similar phrasing, format, and spirit.

Step 4: Adjust your daily routine to include pretending to go to church on Sundays, sharing your thanks on social media about the ways President Trump has improved your quality of life, and watching as many hours of Fox News as possible.

Step 5: Familiarize yourself with the words of the Prophets. It is especially important to start with Charlie Kirk, whose new and final book is a required purchase.

Step 6: Train your senses. You cannot trust everything you see and hear. You must learn how to determine the truth. This step is easiest when you listen to President Trump and those who are supported by President Trump.

Step 7: Memorize the provided talking points and phrases to own the libs. These will change often, and this step will have to be repeated as new developments occur.

Step 8: Begin your work enlightening the sheep who fell prey to socialist propaganda. Report them to their employers and your local ICE agents if enlightenment is unsuccessful.

Step 9: Pray that President Trump will continue to Make America Great Again throughout this term and into the next.

Step 10: Comply. Whatever the order is, whomever the authority figure, regardless of whether or not their authority or orders are technically legal, comply. You will always be safe if you comply.

Disclaimer: You may or may not be safe if you comply, but if you are not safe, it is certainly due to failure to follow one of these 10 steps. Should government circumstances change, you may or may not be held accountable for actions taken while complying with orders, especially those taken if the authority or orders are not legal. President Trump and his Cabinet are not personally liable for any outcomes of your cooperation or refusal thereof. Failure to comply may result in fines, arrest, deportation to El Salvador regardless of your country of origin, forced labor, and/or death. Any deaths that occur may be public and subsequently mocked on Fox News to create an example to other Good American Citizens of how not to behave. Some deaths may be private and remain forever unconfirmed. These are risks you agree to take by existing within the United States of America or any lands sought out by the American government in the future.