Spirit Animal

He was a man in his early 30's. Smart, eager to please others, and very interested in learning how his inner life worked. His name was Robert.

Recently, Robert had felt angry and discontent with his life. He didn't know where all the anger was coming from. More times than not, he found himself screaming while driving. His close friend got a big dose of anger from him one day and said; "That's it"! "I know this is not about me, this rage is about you". It's time you see someone and process your issues.

This man then became quite fearful. He did not want to lose his friend and he didn't know how to face his anger.

He found out about a Men's Retreat. A 3 day weekend that supports men in discovering their inner lives. It was a weekend of experiential work, and time for writing in journals, visualizations and team building. He decided this "initiation weekend" might be helpful, so he signed up.

The first night was a challenge. For the safety of the weekend, his bags were opened up and checked. Then the first discussion was about listening and about integrity. He felt a bit of relief because there were several men out of integrity with their lives and friends. Robert could relate.

Soon thereafter Robert was then asked the question, "Why are you here"?

Robert froze! He couldn't speak. His anger immediately rose to the surface. He did not have the words to express what he wanted to say. The man who asked the question asked Robert to close his eyes and breath...Then Robert was asked to give a sound out...Robert yelled from his belly, releasing something that was deep inside his gut. Something Robert had no idea was in him. Letting out the sound relaxed Robert's body. Robert then said, "I want to find out where my anger comes from". The men around him made what is called a "truth response" and they chuckled. Robert chuckled...Robert knew then what his work was about. And the weekend continued.

That evening another exercise was given. The men were asked to close their eyes and asked to imagine floating up an out into the universe. Then they were asked to come down into the woods. They were asked to see what animal appears. Robert's visualization gave him fear. It was a dark forest with little light. He was afraid he'd fail at not seeing an animal. Then, there was a sound, then he saw it. It was a NIGHT OWL. It was sitting on a tree branch with a mouse in it's claw. The Owl was all white with golden piercing eyes. For some reason, the mouse represented Robert's anger. And now this majestic bird held a small bit of anger.. Robert was in awe. For so long Robert had felt he could not face his anger. But the Night Owl showed him that the anger can be caught and seen as something much smaller than it has ever felt before. For that night, Robert's animal name was Night Owl.

The next morning, all of the men were asked to take a cold shower. They were then given a very light meal of oats and coffee...The day continued and the experiences laid one over the other. They spoke about the 5 basic feelings: mad, sad, happy, afraid, ashamed. With an important note on shame and guilt. Guilt meant "I feel bad for what I did or the impact of what I did". Shame is "something is wrong with me for doing what I did". That was a huge awareness for Robert. He was beginning to be clear about the shame he's been carrying for a couple of decades. In feeling that shame Robert also felt a deep sadness, which led him to the core of his anger.

He was angry at what his father had done to him and his family. After some intense emotional work, Robert realized that he had internalized shame and anger because his father never showed up for him. Once that work was complete, he was asked what his animal name was after his work. Robert declared; "Night Owl with Fearless Heart." Again, there was a collective sigh and the men gave Robert a Hip Hip Hooray.

Robert knew his work had just begun. He also knew that the image of the "Snow Owl with Fearless Heart" would be his companion in times of anger and fear and it could lead him out towards a life without shame and a life filled with self love. He knew his anger could be expressed in healthy ways, in wise ways. He knew he didn't have to bottle it up anymore.