Spill the Tea

"He did what?!"

"Who are you talking to?"

"He did not?!"

"Babe? Who is it?"

"The audacity! You deserve so much better girl."

"Babe! I need answers!"

"Hold on girl, stop it! I'm on the phone."

"Who is it?"

"It's Sheila, she's spilling the tea...okay girl I'm back."

"No-babe!"

"Alright so tell me exactly what happened?"

"I'm following you, don't shake your head at me, I'm invested now."

"...So he was at the bar-the one off 9th?...That rat trap?"

"Babe, put it on speaker?"

"Wait, hold on girl, what?"

"Put it on speaker right now."

"...Fine."

"Okay, girl, I'm back."

"While he was down there he ran into his ex, Kayla. I swear it's always a Kayla."

"Always."

"Anyway, according to Heather, she brushed him off which was surprising to me, but I'll take it."

"Huh."

"Yeah, weird, but he apparently doesn't take no for an answer and moves his hand UP HER SKIRT!"

"What??"

"Yeah! Right in front of everyone! But I guess that pissed her off because she took the full fucking glass she was sipping and through it in his face!"

"Oh shit!"

"Yeah she punched him so fucking hard he fell off the stool!"

"Bwahahaha! I would have paid to see that shit."

"Oh me too girl. Then Heather told me that it took a few minutes for him to come to, at this point Kayla is nowhere to be sen, and when he finally got up, they called him a cab while he was clinging to the bar for dear life because he just got his shit rocked by a 105 pound woman..."

"What a pussy."

"Bwahaha, I know right!"

"So this piece of shit finally makes it home, Heather has been texting me the whole time, so I know exactly what's happened, and this motherfucker has the audacity to come into the room while I was pretending to read and seek sympathy from me!"

"What a tool."

"One hundred percent, and I act completely oblivious, I'm like, 'Oh my god, babe, what happened to your face!' and he proceeds to sell me this bullshit story how he got in a fight at the bar defending some stranger."

"What a fucking liar."

"Oh it gets better, I get him into the bathroom and turn on the lights, girl when I tell you this dudes face was fucked up, haha, it was fucked up. It's actually pretty impressive. His eye is completely swollen shut and he just starts fucking sobbing from pain or shame or both haha."

"Haha, good! Fuck him."

"I know, I know, but I'm trying not to laugh while putting a cold compress on his face, probably a little harder than necessary ha.."

"Nah, you should have punched his other eye."

"Yeah, I should have, but he looked so pathetic I kind of felt sorry for him."

"Absolutely not, he deserved it. He was trying to feel up another girl without her permission while having a girlfriend at home. He got what he deserved."

"Yeah, he did, but after he got all cleaned up and finally passed out, I cut tiny holes in all his socks, packed a suitcase and I dipped."

"Good for you!"

"Wait, Kendra, is that Steven?"

"Shit, yeah girl he wouldn't stop following me so I put you on speaker, he heard the whole thing."

"Girl! What happened with Bruce isn't even the reason I called you!"

"What?"

"Steven was at the bar with Bruce! He was encouraging him to talk to Kayla while Bruce was making out with some guy!"

"Oh shit!"

"You son of bitch, get back here!"

"Babe! Babe! Ow! Babe! Not the face!"

"Get him girl!"