Something Darker; Chapter 11

My side hurts. It's a dull burning and strumming pain. I woke up in my room at the hotel. Which was both surprising and alarming. Janice is the first person I see, and she tells me what happened. I was slightly annoyed at Zanthus's call, but I don't suppose I was really in any position to argue. When she told me that their mother also knew, I had become alarmed and had been ill at ease until I had met her. She was kind enough, but I was not too thrilled at the idea of so many people knowing.

It's not until the evening that Zanthus finally comes into my room. He's there when Jax and Janice's mother tells me I'm showing the beginning signs of a fever. I suggest using a spell to him, but he points out that I'm too weak to even hold up the enchantment to hide my marks and gold eyes.

The next morning, I know for sure that the fever is coming. My mouth is dry, and the room keeps jumping between too hot and too cold, but either temperature does nothing to stop my cold sweat. That night I get next to no sleep. I can't get comfortable, but I can barely move due to my injury.

I begin floating in and out of consciousness. Janice, Jax, and their mother alternately visit, bring me food, and check on me, at least, I think. Zanthus stays with me most of the time, at least, he's usually there when I'm awake.

The three of them talk about my condition, I know they do. I can sometimes hear them whispering and I can see the worry in their eyes, especially Janice; she has a horrid poker face. They won't tell me though, but Zanthus does. He doesn't really believe in holding punches. That's how I know that their mother really has no idea what to expect as an outcome for me. She thinks I can pull through, but with her basic knowledge, she's not entirely certain.

At one point, she even tries to convince me to go to the Lord of Havenwoods again. She seems convinced that he would be more concerned with his duty to the crown to keep me alive than about the fact that I had Marks. Zanthus says nothing as she offers her suggestion. Nor does he say anything when I shoot it down. Considering he doesn’t say anything, I don’t know if he thinks I’m making the right call or being an idiot. When I ask him later if I should reconsider my answer, he simply muses that all choices had their risks and tells me that I should be the one to decide which risks I was and wasn’t willing to take.

I decide to stick with my decision not to go. Too many people already knew. It was a miracle no one at the palace had found out beside Micah and Gaitan. Going to a place where I didn’t know who I could and couldn’t trust to keep their mouth shut when I couldn’t hide my Marks was too risky. Maybe Lord Calus would keep his mouth shut and help me, but I couldn’t take the risk that anyone else would. He’d also defiantly send word to Micah then. Could I live with the guilt knowing he’d be even more distraught if I vanished again, knowing how close I had almost come to getting myself killed the first time?

I find myself somewhere between ready to just let go and determined to hold on to get the full answer, but at most times I can't find the energy to really care one way or the other. If I asked Zanthus to, would he go tell Micah I was sorry? Sorry for shutting him out, for leaving without saying anything, for everything. Would he forgive me? Did I even deserve to be forgiven?