Sock and Buskin

Honestly, now I fully understand why most people end up quitting acting and giving up on their dreams; it is far easier to live a typical 9-5 job, have job stability and the added perks of pension and sick pay. Oh, and actually having work! That’s the big one.

I’ve been told I look ‘too old’ when I’ve shown up to auditions and then the casting director has showed me the door simply because of how I looked. Didn’t want to see my talent or hear about my aspirations and job experiences. And don’t get me started on being a curvy girl because the ‘FAT’ word makes me cringe. I know I’m not but I have the curves and the chest and that therefore brands me as something I am not. No. This is simply how I am made and how my body is built.

There have been far too many times where I’ve ended up starving myself and working myself into the ground for even a glimpse of a hope or a chance to be cast in a show or even considered to audition. Yes, you read that right; CONSIDERED TO AUDITION. Any audition I have ever been to have been ‘open call’ so basically, show up on the day and give it your all or send off your resume and self tape of your audition with the monologue or scene that has already been prepared and keeps those fingers crossed! But, if you aren’t ‘pretty’ or ‘young looking’ then you are ushered to the door.

The toxicity of the acting world can really make or break your self esteem and confidence and that hurts. Way more than it should. It’s really quite disgusting that within the acting community, those of a higher power abuse it and hold it over aspiring artists to simply make their lives miserable. It’s beyond draining and tiring and bloody mentally exhausting.

I know the anxiety I suffer with is not simply just down to what I have experienced within the acting community, schools and auditons. I know there are deeply personal traumas within my life that I am still processing, however, it definitely does not help one little bit.

Now, don’t get me wrong, acting and pursuing your dreams isn’t all that bad when you actually get the role you auditioned for and that euphoric feeling is one I wish I could always hold on to for sure. Seeing your name on the casting sheet, getting your script and rehearsal schedule, sorting costumes, setting the scenes, blocking, costume design, lighting and sound…even talking about it now still gives me goosebumps.

Thinking back, I never actually thought this is something I would ever pursue. I was always very quiet and different t school. A little bit of a geek, a loner and I loved art. You would never find me in the drama department because the thought of public speaking and performing made me feel physically sick.

It wasn’t until I had left school and started at university that actually realised what my passion actually was and where I could end up seeing my life going.

I still have a passion for art and I would love to be a well known artist, so that is in the works churning away in the background. To make something of myself and act and perform on the stage, however, gives me the biggest rush and that butterfly feeling you get in your tummy. Even sitting in the audience for a show, it then gives me that rush to want to get on the stage as soon as possible and I crave that feeling. That particular feeling gives me a sense of purpose within my life and weird, calms down my anxiety for a while because my head is so focused.

I get it; life does get difficult and hard. However, life is only as bad as you make it and I think that is the best advice, if we can call it that, that I have ever been given.

I do try to be a positive person and channel inner peace and harmony, but I’ll be very honest; Its really hard sometimes!

That being said, finding a love for a hobby, activity, job, you name it, makes all the rubbish spells not all that bad.

I think the bottom line of this whole story is basically to do things FOR YOU. If it makes you happy and gives you a sense of purpose then go for it. There are going to be people in life ready to put you down and make you feel rubbish about yourself, however, it’s how you handle those people and those types of situations that makes you the person you will become. So, you paint that picture, buy that jumper you want, go to the audition you’ve always put off going to, go to that dance class you’ve wanted to try and develop your passions for life.

We aren’t always going to get the things we want in life, and that is okay, because then life would be far too perfect. And let’s face it; we know it isn’t!

But if we actually try and put the effort in and become that strong, passionate human that we know we are, nothing is ever going to stop us or put us off.

Let’s give life and our passions a try. You never know what’s just around the corner.

You might be surprised by the twist of fate.