Sitter Needed!

Good evening!

If you’re reading this, I assume you found the key we left under the flowerpot without issue. I must apologise for the circumstances. We wouldn’t usually leave before your arrival - we were pressed for time!

We don’t get out much at the moment, and didn’t want to lose our table.

I trust the agency provided you with the details of our situation, including the necessary absence of any strong-smelling soaps or perfumes. However, I’m afraid it goes deeper than that, so we’ve written you a list of instructions that must be adhered to at all times. Study them; they are important if you wish to survive the night, unscathed.

First of all, Scamp is aggressive. Don’t let his size fool you; he is strong, quick, and reactive. You must stay on your guard the entire time. Don’t be fooled into thinking you can relax. You can’t. That’s not what we’re paying you for.

If you are wearing perfume/cologne, please take it off immediately. We have left sponges, towels, and scent-free soap in the downstairs bathroom. Your smell will be the first thing to alert him to your presence, and we would like to avoid that where possible. Like most creatures, he can be territorial. Just ask my ex-husband. Sorry, that joke was in bad taste. God rest his soul.

The same goes for any noise. Don't make any. You are welcome to watch the TV, but please keep in mind the volume should be kept low, extremely low, maybe muted… Do you read? We have a large bookshelf with a variety of genres. Perhaps finding a nice, quiet book to indulge in would be safer!

If the door should knock, please don’t answer it. We live out here in the country for a reason. Neighbours and their pets would not help the situation. The farmer’s sheep in the nearby field are problematic enough. Any cold callers are not welcome. We have had some close calls in the past, let me tell you.

You’ll be glad to know he is settled for the night. As I’m writing this, he is currently asleep upstairs, as I hope he will remain for the duration of your stay. He usually sleeps at the foot of our bed, but for tonight, we have restricted him to his cage in the backroom of the house.

I know what you must be thinking, but it’s for his safety as well as your own. If he gets overexcited, he tends to lash out. The same goes for startled, angry, hungry, hot, cold, and tired. Just don’t open the cage. Think of him as a toddler with very sharp teeth.

You’ll find his room at the end of the upstairs hallway. It’s the one with the deadbolt on the outside and the dented door. We don’t use it often. Just at certain times of the month, when he gets the most aggressive. It is also the only room in the house with a hardwood floor instead of carpet, as he doesn’t much like it when we put him in there and tends to shred the fabric. Oh, that reminds me. If you need to enter the room, you’re going to need shoes – the floor is rather splintered. Our Scamp has quite the temper.

Which brings me to my next point, should the situation arise where you are face-to-face, don’t turn your back on him.

That being said, we did try to tire him out with a walk earlier today, so that should help him stay down. It wasn’t a long walk, mind you, and he really does need his exercise. It’s the sun you see, the woods didn’t provide much shade, and the sunlight doesn’t tend to agree with him. He prefers his walks at night under the shadow of darkness with only the moonlight for company, but I assumed this would be too much to ask of a first-time sitter.

The walk was a measly five miles as we had to cut it short when we came across a children’s playpark in a clearing. He was pulling so hard, his leash nearly snapped. Scared the life out of me. All of those plump, rosy cheeks ripe for the taking… could you imagine?

You’ll be glad to know we’ve fed him already. Feeding him was always quite daunting for the last sitter. I suspect this is why she quit. Scamp has quite an appetite. We’ve been struggling to placate him recently – I think it’s the alarming rate at which he has been growing. He was such a small, cuddly thing when we found him. He’s a rescue, you see. Though he is still quite a small thing now, he will supposedly tower over us in the years to come, and his appetite seems to be growing with him.

Any information on his breed is quite limited. We’ve had to seek out specialists, and let me tell you, they cost a pretty penny. He is assumed to be a hybrid of sorts, very rare. Mind you, they might have been able to give us a clearer answer had they met him in person and not insisted on sticking to a video call, but so far, they have all refused. I’ve been doing my own research with the limited literature available and have concluded it to be normal for this stage in his development.

I digress; he has eaten. You should not have to feed him. I took the liberty of drugging his food in hopes it’ll help him stay docile. I was worried he would notice, perhaps smell the pills we mixed in with the meat, but he was ravenous and ate it quickly. It should be enough to last the night, but we can’t be sure. He also has a nice, juicy bone in there with him. It really isn’t as cruel as people imagine.

You do not need to go and check on him. Our house is an old one and makes a lot of ‘bump in the night’ type noises. It will creak and groan as it settles, but it’s nothing to worry about. I would strongly advise against disturbing him unless he wakes up, at which point it will be unquestionable. He will yelp, scream, cry, and bark.

If he does wake, and that’s a big if, it will probably be best to introduce yourself. Hopefully, it will help calm down. Let him see you, explain you’re not a threat. He understands more than you'd expect. Do not let his appearance frighten you. His fur is thick, shaggy and a little matted, but I dare not bathe him, and a groomer is out of the question.

He will likely bare his teeth. They are shocking, I know, but retractable, would you believe? It’s one of the many things that make our fluffy, good boy so unique. But don’t let your guard down. His bite is most certainly worse than his bark.

No sudden movements. The cage is strong and has held up against his previous tantrums, but I wouldn't care to put it to the test if he really lost his temper. He grows stronger everyday and soon we will have to upgrade it.

I suspect he will beg to relieve himself. Ignore him. It’s a trick any human child would play, and at this point in his development, they aren’t really that different. He will be looking for an opportunity. Do not give it to him. He is smarter than you realise. Manipulative even, but my current husband tells me I’m becoming paranoid.

Taking food with you as a peace offering would be advisable if you’ve got the stomach for it. We did inform the agency that we would need a sitter with a bit more nerve about them, this time. I’m hoping that’s you. We have prepared a second helping of his dinner in the fridge. It is in a large red bowl and is laced with sedatives next to a selection of simple-smelling snacks we bought in case you get hungry.

You need to warm it up, or he won’t eat it. This takes a certain finesse. Keep in mind, room temperature will not suffice. You want the meat to be raw and juicy but warm inside, and if you can get the liquid as close to 37 degrees as you can, that would be fab. We’ve left a thermometer next to the microwave. A few minutes should do the trick - make sure to keep taking it out to give it a good stir, don’t let it get too thick, or it will coagulate.

I've prepared it as well as I could with what little time I had, but if you do see any long strands of hair whilst getting it to the desired temperature, would you mind fishing them out? They are a nightmare to pull out of the other end once they've been ingested.

If you could also take care not to spill it on your way up to him... It’s a bugger to get out of the cream carpet.

Remember, this is only if he wakes up. There is no good reason to bother him otherwise.

The deadbolt sticks, so you’ll need to give it a wiggle when you open it. It’s a heavy door for good reason, so I suggest you put your weight behind it. The light switch is on the wall immediately on the left. It’s a dimmer bulb as bright light tends to hurt his eyes. They are a stark deep yellow and can see perfectly in the dark. Make sure to turn it on immediately. You don’t want him to be able to see you when you can’t see him. It’ll make the hairs on your neck stand up, trust me. Oh, the stories I could tell…

You’ll notice the room is relatively empty but for the cage, a large metal stick and a long line of bright yellow tape across the floor. The tape is for your safety. Do not cross it until you are ready. His arms have surprising reach, and you do not want to be caught by those claws. They are razor sharp.

You are to slide the stick through the bars and push him to the back of the cage, and then pin him there. This will give you the chance to slide the bowl of food through the flap at the bottom. The stick doesn’t look like much, but he is surprisingly scared of it. It’s made of solid silver and will not break. If he’s particularly feisty, one good jab to the ribs should settle him down.

Only once his meal is through the flap and you have crossed back over the yellow tape, are you to release your hold on him. Make sure to put the stick up against the wall next to the door when you leave. We do not need him getting hold of it.

Do not hang around afterwards. He does not need company, and watching him eat will only enrage him further. Besides, it’s not a pretty sight. Check that the door is closed properly, and do not forget the deadbolt. Check and double-check.

Once that has been done, feel free to go back downstairs and continue your evening.

And that’s it. That’s the job. If all goes well and you find yourself feeling at home, then we can look at the possibility of taking you on regularly. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, our rates are very competitive to compensate for any risk, but if you follow the instructions to the letter, there shouldn’t be any.

Our number and the restaurant’s are on the fridge, should you have any problems. Do not hesitate to call. It should go without saying, considering the job, but we would prefer you not to drink any alcohol whilst you are on duty. It’s better to be safe than sorry!

Other than that, please make yourself at home.

Oh, one more thing I must mention. If the worst happens and he should get out, do not run. It’s instinctual to chase, and the last thing you want is for him to think of you as prey. Besides, you’ll never make it. The best thing to do is to stand your ground or, if desperate, assume the foetal position. He shouldn’t bite if you submit, not properly. Perhaps a nibble? Whatever you do, do not fight back. I learned this the hard way. My handwriting is a mess because I only have three fingers…

Anywho, make yourself at home (quietly) and try to enjoy yourself. We shall see you in a few short hours.

Many thanks!