Senseless

Everything is different now- ever since They took over. They were the ultimate sufferers in the previous world, the abused, the neglected, and the stepped on. They rose up as a group, all at once, globally. It was incredible in the darkest of ways. If it weren’t for the new “Senseless Rules” that They put into place I think that a lot of their ideals honestly have the best of intentions.

It is almost my turn for my ceremony and that distracts my train of thought frequently. I turn nineteen in an hour which, according to them, is when things start to change in your life. Nobody is sure why They decided on nineteen and not a year that was significant in our previous society, but I always felt like that was exactly the reason for why they chose that age. They really just want nothing to do with how things were, but are instead trying to move onto a new world that follows their rules. There are a lot of questions about how They are going to deal with future generations. However, most people are too concerned with their own present to worry about others’ futures- not much has changed in that regard.

My Item of Choice is a heart shaped locket that my mom gave me when They told us to pick one. The item is supposed to be enjoyed with all five senses so that you can really appreciate it and be grounded in the present. Other’s that I’ve seen are my sister’s children’s book where you can pet the animals, my best friend has two magnets, and I recently learned that my middle school bully has a Tamagatchi toy which is, ironically, what he used to make fun of me for playing with. Granted, his is bright and mine was colorless, but it was all that the store had left by the time my parents were able to take me to get one. I enjoy my locket. It’s not the coolest Item of Choice that I’ve seen. I was always jealous of our family friend's baseball bat with nails sticking out of it or my cousin's guitar but it has sentiment and They say that’s important. I run the ridges of my fingerprints along the sharp corner at the bottom of the heart and flick it open, listening to the creak of the tiny hinges. Inside, I can see a picture of my parents in our previous society. It’s really my strongest tie to that time since They made us get rid of most of our connections. The last two senses are a little more off-putting to some but for me, they have become ordinary. Ever since I was given my Item of Choice I have chewed the metal chain that the locket is connected to in order to appreciate my sense of taste. The cheap copper tastes like pennies but is a flavor that I have become accustomed to and have learned to cherish. The smell of the locket is about what you would expect from an old metal with a very bitter smell that singes the insides of your nostrils. The smell is the one thing I would change if I could, but They say that your Item of Choice has to be enjoyed as it is.

My sister is two years older than me so she had her ceremony already and has since settled into her new life with her partner that They gave her post-ritual. Thanks to her going first, I pretty much know exactly what to expect but I have been told by other second-borns that the foresight does not make it any easier.

As I make my way with my whole family and my sister’s partner to The Hutch, I start to think for the first time about the fact that I am going to get my partner soon. I hope that their walk to the Ceremony is going well and that they are not too nervous. Based on my family history, I know that they will be the Protector and I will be the Detractor which is hard for me to accept but I have had plenty of time to come to terms with it. I wonder if my partner is aware of their role or if they are worried about the Deliberation. I wish that I could comfort them, it would distract me from my own worries and also start to build our Link. That is what They call our relationship and one of the key parts of their new society- the Link.

How long was I thinking about that? Long enough to be standing outside of The Hutch. They chose that name for the location of the ceremony because they see it as a sort of cage for the animals that enter. Once you leave, and are Fixed, however, you are then freed and never have to enter The Hutch again. My family waits outside as I step through the giant, metallic barn doors clutching my Item of Choice with one hand and chewing the chain simultaneously. I want to really enjoy my locket while I still can. The first people that ever went into The Hutch thought that the Item of Choice was going to be sacrificed as a symbol of removing the old society and starting anew, but that was a substantial underestimation of The Ceremony. The barn doors slam closed behind me and The Hutch interior is pitch black. I have never seen the inside and will never see it again after today. The lights turn on overhead, a ceiling full of bright white lights that give a halo effect to all of They that are present for my Ceremony.

I have never seen any of They in person before so I am drawn immediately. They look just like the rest of our society does, which means that they have accomplished their goals I assume. I am not sure what they looked like in the Previous Time but now They would blend in anywhere. I turn to my right and realize that my partner is standing there clutching their Item of Choice. It is one of those toys where you pull a string and the arrow spins around in a circle before landing on a farm animal and mimicking the sound that animal makes. In my opinion, that would get extremely annoying, but it is not my Item of Choice and I will not have to listen to it ever again after today. For now, my partner is pulling the string repeatedly and milking their item for all that it is worth while they can- who can blame them? They sit in front and above us on what resembles a court bench that I have seen in books from The Previous Time. They hold two files in their hands, one for me and one for my partner I am assuming, but I am not allowed to ask questions yet.

“Dakota”, one of them says in a loud booming voice that echoes through the open space- I am up first. I have been taught at school this means to take a step forward. They, all in perfect synchronicity, open up my folder and begin to read. I have heard They are fast readers but I figured it would take a long time for them to evaluate my life and entire family history. I was wrong.

“One sense” the loud voice resonates. My heart immediately drops to the bottom of my stomach. My sister was granted two! What have I done to earn only one? I have to inquire. “Oh, Great Equals may I ponder?” I said in a scratchy voice thanks to my dry throat. That is how we are taught to ask permission to speak during The Ceremony. I look over at my partner and they are also sweating but seem to have a small smirk upon their face. “Speak forth” another voice replies.

“My sister was granted two senses and I would like to inquire as to why I was only granted one?” I shakily asked. They all mumble amongst themselves, deciding on the proper response before They choose a single voice to deliver their deliberation. “Your sister experienced The Previous Time and thus earned herself one extra sense.” I start to panic. I have never heard of this happening. She must have endured some sort of struggle in The Previous Time that I am unaware of. I have prepared my whole life for two senses- sight and touch. I have learned sign language and have become proficient in lip reading in order to communicate with my partner. Sight is off the table to surrender. I must give up touch then? How will I know when my body is in danger? When I am biting through my tongue or am leaning on a hot stove? My heart has never beat so fast. Will I be able to feel it beating again after today? I instinctively turn and start to run towards the large doors and slam my body into them causing an extremely loud boom. Normally this would be uncomfortable for both my body and my ears but I enjoy the pain knowing that I will not feel it for long. I fall to the ground at the door just as one of the voices calls upon my partner.

“Taylor, please approach”. My partner perks up and walks towards the bench. They put 5 small pouches onto a pulley system and slowly lower them for my partner to be able to grab. The voice sounds angry now “Dakota, decide your sense or Taylor will have Preference.” My partner would probably like that, considering sight is the most common choice for sense to keep, but I cannot allow that. I get only one and I will have some agency over my future life. “SIGHT” I yell out in the clearest voice that I have produced so far. I stand up and yell “I CHOOSE SIGHT.” My partner looks defeated which bothers me considering they will live for the rest of their life with Hearing, Touch, Taste, and Smell- that should be plenty. My partner walks over to me and delivers me the pouch labeled ‘Sight’ and keeps the other four for themself. I open up the pouch and it is exactly as I was told; a small golden pill. In my other hand I still hold my Item of Choice. I give it one last big sniff and inhale the metal scent, listen to the squeak of the tiny hinges, taste the bitterness of the copper necklace, and feel the sharp point at the bottom of the heart knowing that this is my final feeling. I put the pill into my mouth, lock arms with my partner who does the same as they stare at their farm animal wheel, and await instructions.

“You have been gifted. You have lived lives of extreme comfort and for generations your bloodline has remained with privilege. You will now be brought and equalized. The world will be one. No one greater, no one lesser. You have each traded past suffering for future conveniences and have thus earned the respect of They. Swallow.”

My partner and I both swallow our pills simultaneously. The world stays light but my body, ears, nose, and mouth go instantly numb. I clutch my Item of Choice as hard as I can and feel nothing. I look down at my hand, utilizing the one sense that I was lucky enough to be gifted, and see blood dripping from my skin as I press the pointed edge of my Item of Choice deep into my thumb. This is the new world. My partner and I exit The Hutch for our one and only time, now linked forever, relying on one another's strengths to balance our weaknesses. Our families are standing together outside waiting to greet us. Now, back to normal life.