Searching

Summer was Lily’s second favorite time of year.

Summer meant adventures and endless play - things she'd been missing out on. She hadn't meant to give up those things. They slipped away with time. Just like that little girl did. But Lily was on quest to revive her.

This summer's adventure, she booked a hotel on the beach of a mediterranean island. It was snuggled in a bay, sandstone cliffs surrounding them. She spent all afternoon running to the edge and jumping into the crystal-clear water below with her husband. And with rented snorkeling gear, they explored the sea beneath the surface until they finally had enough of the sun baking them.

“What’s on the agenda for tomorrow?” Luke asked while pouring them each a glass of wine. They ordered room service, not in the mood to get dressed up for dinner in the restaurant.

“We’ve got a boat tour tomorrow then hiking the next day,” Lily answered. “There are some really great views on the hike.”

She loved planning their trips. In part because she loved watching travel videos and how others got excited about chasing the things they loved. For Lily, she chased the things that lit her up and filled her with joy because she’d forgotten to do that before. She’d abandoned the little girl that used to love so many things. That little girl faded away under scrutiny and shame. She faded into sadness to be replaced by fear and acceptance into a world that taught her to hate herself.

The ghost of that little girl hung on though. She refused to be squashed completely, and when Lily was finally ready to see the truth, she vowed to never stop chasing the things she loved and to fight for the peace she lost.

Luke handed her a glass then slid behind her on the lounge chair, letting her sink into his hold.

“Sounds wonderful. Cheers to your excellent vacation planning,” he said and clinked their glasses together.

Lily took a sip then relaxed against his chest. They sat on their patio to enjoy the sunset, each of them sun-kissed and relaxed. A tinge of salty air wafted on the breeze while a hint of sunscreen lingered on her skin despite a shower.

Luke brushed his fingers up and down her arm, a simple but meaningful caress. They’d met two years ago at a friend’s wedding when she was on the verge of giving up on ever finding someone. He arrived at the perfect time. He was her rock, her emotional support. Most importantly, he gave her the love she needed and didn’t back down when she tried to tell him she wasn’t good enough for him. Luke helped heal a piece of that little girl Lily tried to puzzle back together. It hadn’t been easy, and it would likely take a long time, but her inner child was mending. Which is part of the reason she made such a big deal out of summer.

Summer meant endless beach days with boogie boards and sandcastles. On the way home they’d get slushies from the gas station, all the kids calm and quiet with a little hint of red over their shoulders. It meant swimming until dark in the neighbor’s pool, their fingers and toes more wrinkled than a pile of dirty clothes. Summer meant sleepovers and movie nights, and s’mores over a backyard campfire.

Summer meant joy and happiness to a little girl that had been told such things weren’t allowed. That she was supposed to be quiet, self-conscious and responsible. Lily knew better now. She wouldn’t ever lose that little girl again.