"It's mighty nice of you to show me the quickest way back to the main road... My car quit on me today... Not sure what broke on that piece of junk... What did you say your name was?"
"I'm Jimmy. And it's okay... I don't mind showing you the way. What were you doing out here, mister?"
"I was on my way to meet some friends off route 96. I would've called them or a tow truck already, but I can't get a signal... What grade are you in, Jimmy?"
"I just started fifth grade. I ride my bike here after school to stop by the pond over there to try and catch frogs. It's the long way home but as long as I beat my dad home, I'll be okay. He gets mad if we are not there when he gets there."
"Yep, I get it. Parents are protective. For good reason too! You never know who is out there waiting to snatch you up to kidnap or hurt you... Oh! But you don't have to worry about me, I'm not one of those people, haha."
"No, I'm not worried. You are nice. But there was one time I was out here and two people were arguing right where that little house is. Do you see it?"
"You mean that yellow shack that looks like it's falling apart? What happened? What did they do?"
"It was a man and a woman. I think they were arguing about money. They took something out their trunk and put it inside the... um... shack. When they came out, they saw me staring at them while walking my bike. They yelled at me to get out of here. I was too scared to come back for a week."
"That does sound scary. I wonder what they put in there. Did you ever go look?"
"No way! I'm not going in there! That place looks creepy!"
"It's probably nothing but sounds sketchy. Makes me wonder if I should go look. You did the right thing by leaving."
"Yeah, I haven't seen them again yet... Hey, mister. Can I tell you something?"
"Of course, Jimmy. What's on your mind?"
"It's a real bad secret because I don't want to get in trouble. It's all my fault."
"Don't look so sad. I can keep a secret."
"We have to go over there though, and I can show you."
"Alright, lead the way."
"We're almost there. Just up that small hill and across the road....There it is! I'm real sorry that I never told nobody."
"Is that a wrecked car down there?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry! I wasn't paying attention that day. I was riding my bike in the middle of the road, whistling on my way to the pond. You drove around the corner and had to turn real fast or you would've hit me. I come to look for you when I can, but you never remember me. I'm sorry I made you die, mister... Mister?"
About the Creator
Lamar Wiggins
Creative writer in the Northeast US who loves the paranormal, mystery, true crime, horror, humor, fantasy and poetry.
"Life is Love Experienced" -LW
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Compelling and original writing
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More stories from Lamar Wiggins and writers in Fiction and other communities.
The General's Dream
General Aldarius winds up accidentally saving the elkai prince who joined the army and ends up in the war with the volkin. The boy, age seventeen, is almost killed before General Aldarius comes to his rescue. Sensing that the boy didn't belong, he questions how the would be prince managed to get in the army in the first place. The prince explains that he joined the army because he wanted to prove to himself and his father that he was something more than just someone who sat in the background of life. He wanted to be more active. General Aldarius doesn't catch on that the boy is the King's son yet until the King himself issues a distress alert across the nation that his son has gone missing. Putting two and two together, this "random" boy who joined the elkai army happens to be the same boy that the King is looking for. He goes to question the boy once more about who he was and why he was in the army in the first place. The boy confesses that he is indeed the King's son and even though he lied about his identity, his reasons for joining the army remained true.
By Kelly Johnsona day ago in Fiction
Comments (89)
This is a great story, holy crap! I love the way the sense of unease is immediate with the question about Jimmy's grade...and then it keeps building to that ending. Great all around. I fully expected the "mister" to be a baddie, so I loved the twist away from that red herring. But what was that incident with the man and woman? I want to know if one or both of them were dead too??? Anyway, congrats on your win, Lamar! Just a great read!
Like others before me, I was hunting for the twist and thought "Jimmy's gonna be bad after all", and then you close with that Sixth Sense ending! Congrats on taking the win Lamar🙌🏾
Whoa! Was not expecting that at all! Great story, Lamar! So glad you won for this :) Meant to get to this a lot sooner, but, it was a crazy school year!
Great story-- so glad you won first place!
A well deserved win. Absolutely amazing, I didn't see that coming, wow wow wow🥰
Such a great story 🙏 I love reading it. I feel sad too😢 congratulations 🎉
Well done on this fabulous win!
Absolutely brilliant, Sir. Just extraordinary! You totally subverted my expectations. And using nothing but dialogue is another masterful element that helps add to the flavor, the nuance, the surprise! Absolutely perfect for a story of this length. This is definitely something to be proud of. I hope you celebrated! 🥳🥂 ⚡Bill⚡
Big congratulations on this!! I was so sure I knew where this was going and then you pulled that ending on me. My stomach dropped...in a good way! I loved this. Phenomenal writing and well-executed dialogue. It felt very natural! Congrats again! :)
Back to congratulate you, Lamar, on your win! I am happy you took first place- such a great story!
Congratulations Lamar I had a feeling this one was going to be way up on the list
Congrats, Lamar. I didn't see it coming. Great story.
Congrats Lamar!
YouDaMan!
Damn you hit the nail on the head with this one!!
Nice one Lamar!! Congratulations. This short story really does grip!
Holy moly. I like many others thought I knew where this was going. You laid so many brilliant breadcrumbs in such a brief piece that I was completely derailed by the twist. Well done, my friend, a very long time coming, in my humble opinion. Congrats on the Top Story, but more importantly congrats on First Place! Wooohooo!
I thought I had the plot twist figured out and then you completely flipped it around. You pulled off the “all-dialogue” approach so well here too - a great read. Congratulations on the win!!
Nice twist at the end - congratulations on your win, sir!
Wiggins supremacy confirmed 😎
Congrats, my friend. So glad this won. 👏👏👏
Way to knock it out the park Lamar! Woot-woot-WOOOOOOOOOT-ing your win! Congratulations!
Congratulations on your win! Well deserved. This was not at all what I expected to happen! I thought the kid was done for. Great twist!
This deserved the win so much!! Congratulations, Lamar!
Excellent twist. Nicely Done!!!