Richie

Selfish pride never allows anyone to know where I'm going when my world begs for precious silence. My way of dealing with issues may be a little skewed and I often keep things bottled up, but in the end, it's a way that works for me.

And I have just the place...

It takes only forty minutes to climb to an elevation where I can get a clear grasp of things... In the distance from here I can see the smog line dissecting the city in one direction and in the other, glimmering sparkles from the sun hitting the wide-open ocean in a way that would make anyone shiver in awe. In between, is just me, my makeshift area, a few dozen trees scattered along this side of the mountain... and silence.

I come here for clarity. Solace. Freedom. To get away. To cleanse the mind of all the crap that fills it on the daily...

The airwaves are clearer up here, similar to nighttime where hundreds of millions of minds in my part of the world fall asleep, silencing the heavy traffic of thoughts.

There's a light breeze picking up. Just enough to cool the skin and cast away the lingering cares circling my brain...

Coming ever so close to my site, a squirrel looks at me peculiarly. It's probably never seen a man before. I retrieve a bag of popcorn I remember being in my backpack. I toss a handful in its direction, watching as it scurries away from the sudden motion before returning with interest. It takes the nearest kernel into its paw-like hands and stands on its hind legs to begin nibbling. I think it's happy. It's going for seconds. It keeps going until an uninvited foe shows up wanting a share. It's another squirrel trying to join in, but his presence quickly causes an argument. They're chasing each other around and up and down trees... I didn't know that squirrels could perform such agile maneuvers and how feisty they can become.

I don't think they are coming back and probably already forgot what they are bickering about. Sadly, people are the same and ruin things for others to enjoy.

What starts out as a simple interaction with nature, sends me on a tangent thinking how cruel we can be to each other.

I shake away the annoyed feeling and start my ritual over by removing my shoes. I sit Indian style on wooden planks I placed here months ago at the base of a distinguished Sycamore. Its long branches with bright green leaves create a nice bit of shade, giving me a sense of security. Somehow, it's mighty structure possesses a strange energy I resonate with. I decided to name it Siddhartha, after a favorite book of mine.

I take three, deep breaths and relax my shoulders. No more popcorn for those rodents.

***

Ahh... Clean, mountain air. It provides organic purity that every cell in my body appreciates. With open palms resting on thighs, I clear my head and take in the scenery...

After a few minutes of watching the same black butterfly move about its day, searching for scarce flowers to suckle, my eyes shut on their own. I've reached a point of pure calm and want to relax the remaining muscles in my body including the eyelids...

Thoughts are the only means by which to identify with surroundings, calculate motions, make decisions and deal with the unpredictable situations of being part of entangled lives. With my eyes closed, it all goes away. The storm may have calmed a bit, but it's completely impossible to silence every thought. With full concentration, you'd be lucky to have a true moment of nothing.

***

Relaxing in a state of suspended awareness is a remedy like no other, but after about thirty minutes, my own mind interrupts me...

He's going to find you. Look now...

I open my eyes and do exactly that, I look around but see nothing of importance, wondering where the motivation came from to think those words. But what I do see looks to be that same black butterfly on my left knee. It must have landed there when my eyes were closed. It's slowly pulsing its wings as if resting or maybe it knows something I don't. Before long, it takes flight, pointing my eyes in the direction of something red off in the distance.

I grab a pair of binoculars to see what it is.

It's a man wearing a red shirt. I can't make out many details except he looks like another young hiker seeking relief from the masses like me. He doesn't look like a threat...

A few minutes pass and he's gotten much closer. I grab my shoes and gear to move behind the tree, hoping it blocks his view of me. I'm in no mood to interact with anyone, even if it's just a casual hello.

Instead of passing, the man stops right at my site. I can hear the tapping of footsteps on the planks. Now I hear the familiar sound of taking off a backpack. He lets out a sigh of relief. I think he's taken a seat...

Being as silent as I can, I peek around the tree enough to see his outstretched legs with the most-uncomfortable looking army boots attached to his feet. His right arm comes into view. It flips over, exposing an open palm. Within a second, that butterfly lands on it. The man begins talking to the thing.

"Ah, Mr. Smiley. Nice of you to greet me here. Sorry I haven't been much company lately. It's amazing how you remain loyal time after time. I owe you a big thanks... What's that? How can I be here and behind the tree at the same time? I don't know what you mean. Is there someone else here?"

My cover has been blown by some weird butterfly. Time for this man and his creepy pet to leave. I walk from behind the tree to face him. I catch him in the process of standing up. When our eyes finally meet, his face quickly turns to sheer surprise while my stomach drops into a pit of horror. I shake my head incredulously at the impossible sight of looking at myself—only he has longer hair. The very sight of him sends a shockwave of disbelief up my spine. His gaping mouth returns to normal and begins to speak.

"Oh my God, Richie, I finally found you! Don't be alarmed! And whatever you do, don't leave! Please... This is not what it seems, but your eyes do not deceive you. I've been searching for you for three months! We have something to resolve, Richie..."

"What are you talking about?" I say, walking backwards, still trapped in a baffling state of mind. But...I'm...the other me keeps walking forward with his arms and eyes gesturing for me to stay calm.

"I don't understand what's happening. I'm dreaming...right?"

"Try and relax, Richie. Please... It's not really a dream but feels like one. We live on this plane but have never run into each other until now. We've been here since... since you tried to take your life. Our life!"

"What do you mean we live here?" I say, still on the verge of hysterics.

The other me can tell I want no part of this. Curiosity is the only thing keeping me in place. His initial surprise subsides. He starts explaining more.

"Okay... I don't think you remember anything because you don't want to. You blocked it all out. What makes our personality whole is the same thing that separated us during the accident... You don't remember that either. Let's just say, you tried to end it all but didn't succeed. I'm the part of us who enjoys doing things, making goals, being social. You are the opposite, becoming introverted at the drop of a hat. You're the one who hides far away from our problems in a dark tunnel of despair. Bi-polar! Do you know what that is? Never mind. It's not important right now. I need to gain your trust and tell you that everything will be alright. We don't have to live like we did before. We can get help if needed. There are plenty of ways to cope with bad feelings... We have to go back, Richie, but we can't do that if you don't understand. If you don't love us enough to try... Remember when papa first showed us how to ride a bike and we went through the neighbors' bushes because we forgot how the brakes worked?... We cried afterwards. Papa couldn't contain his laughter. But we got back on that bike and showed him we could do it. The same thing applies here! We have to try again!"

I stopped blinking at this point and don't think I've taken a breath since he started talking. I watch the sincerity in his eyes while trying to fully grasp what he's saying. But I need to know more.

"Where? Where do we need to go back to?"

"We need to go home, Richie. Back into life. There are people there that love us. This mountain we are on is not real. It's only part of this world because we care about it so much. Everything here is made from our memories. If you ever want to come back here again, in the flesh... we have to unite. We don't exist without the other. It's the only way. Look at me, Richie... Let's go home...Let's join. Now. Trust me. Please!"

He starts walking closer to me. I'm too scared to do anything but stand there frozen in place, sifting through all the information trying to sway me into belief. I allow him to get closer, but not without the overwhelming fear of not knowing what happens next.

The very moment he touches my shoulder we become surrounded by a squall of black butterflies. They're swirling in between us and entirely around Siddhartha, darkening the area. A magnetic force pulls us in even closer until our bodies become a bright mesh of electrified, white noise. I close my eyes and feel myself letting go of all the troubles that haunt me.

We make it back home as one...

***

"Mrs. Collins. You're not going to believe this, but your son Richie just came out of the coma. He's asking for you. I think you should get here as soon as possible!"