Rhino

Gulf Lima Mike Sierra.

That would have been a cool name. Like, if I ever had a kid.

Maybe if that was my name for real, I would have been one of those people who went with their middle name. Some people do that. I mean, if you want to change it, that’s cool, just never got why until I got older. Which one would I choose? Sierra is kind of like something I would use now. But I think I would have stuck with Gulf. I like the ocean. Nah, would have made me stick out even more, and didn’t need any help with that. Whatever. Doesn’t matter now. Wherever I’m going I can use anything I want. We’ll see. Wait, is it Gulf, or Golf?

I’ve never been in a plane. It’s not that cool. Just 4 seats, and it’s ugly, and it smells like old people. He made me sit in the front. Just him and I. I wonder if his name is Mike? Funny. He said those words a few times. Why can’t they just say the letters? Some kind of plane-name. Who is he talking to? Like it’s just normal. They know we’re here?

I don’t like this at all. Wouldn’t have anyways but it moves around so much, I want to throw up. That will piss him off. Mike. That’s his name now. He’s just the pilot, but if you have a name you’re not just some guy. For one second when they loaded me on, he kind of looked at me weird. I guess he gets lots of money. Just that one look. Seems he can’t even turn his head now. Not like there’s traffic… Can’t look at stuff that’s real.

There’s another steering wheel right in front of me. I wish my hands weren’t tied behind my back so I could make this go wherever I wanted. Where would I go? I wouldn’t turn around. Don’t know where I’m going, but I wouldn’t go there. Somewhere in between, I guess. With good weather and no snow to freeze your butt off in. Right on the beach… maybe on the gulf. I’d just make a little house out of sticks and leaves and stuff, like you see in the movies when people get shipwrecked. Totally camouflaged and no one would find me, like I’m actually a part of the trees. I could do whatever I wanted. I could just sit and look at the water, or swim, or I could eat fruit and maybe fish with a spear. Would be cool to use a spear.

Wonder if I can get my hands untied? It’s just a rope.Too small up here to twitch around. And also kind of pointless because, then what? Then I’m stuck with this guy. I don’t know how to get this thing down. I would have to just jump out or something. Seems like it’s just one guy, but nothing’s easy. Can’t fly, can’t land.

Maybe he wants me to try to take over. Some guys like that, and it doesn’t even seem like they’re playing along. Like they actually want that. Maybe it’s really hard being a guy who has to be a piece of shit all the time. They maybe want a break. So I tell them to shut up and I get on top and stick my fingers in their mouth and spit on their face. Some guys like that. Wonder what Mike likes?

I look at him. He’s hasn’t said a word. He doesn’t look like the biggest asshole. I’ve seen way bigger. Maybe he has to do what they tell him to do and he has no choice. Just like me. I mean, didn’t know I was going to another fucking country and basically being kidnapped or whatever. But ya, maybe except for that stuff, where I actualy really have no choice… maybe it’s a little the same because they threaten him. Don’t actually touch him unless he says no, so that’s different, but also kind of the same. But he could leave it all behind and get away if he wanted. He knows how to fly.

I see out the window. Land, and the ocean right beside. Maybe that one time Mike looked at me weird, he knew he was helping me escape. Maybe he’s not that bad. Everyone can’t be that bad. I mean sometimes you don’t start out bad. But then you’ve got to do something bad, and maybe you have to keep doing it. And you get good at it, and it makes you feel like you’re something different and suddenly it’s like you don’t have a choice. It gets you the stuff you need, that makes you feel like you aren’t even there.

I probably cost a lot. Wonder what Mike gets? Wonder if he’d take me instead? Wonder what I’m worth, and maybe I’m more than the money? We could have a little hut. Right on the beach.

I uncross my legs and look at him. He stares ahead. He doesn’t care at all. Easier that way. And a lot more people than ever have the heart of a rhino. Ya. Read that once in a book when I was a kid. Killer rhinos. They are one of the most deadly animals. They just plow right through you. No one ever talks about them like that. But that’s the thing. You don’t expect them to be like that. They just are.