Resilence

I’m either going to kiss this man or stab him with a knife. I’ll know which in about ten minutes. Gavin had given me the nervous glare accompanied by his mild stutter, something that he hasn’t done since the 7th grade. “B-Baby, don’t be mad… You know I was with Kenny and Nick. We went to The Clubhouse, and you know, boys will be boys.” He allowed the light-hearted chuckle to escape his lips. I wasn’t the least bit amused. The Clubhouse, a gentleman’s club cited as Members only so bored husbands could do their dirt without judgment. But I knew better. It wasn’t the first time that he was involved in an affair. My eyes darted towards his appearance, the usual prim and pressed suits with gold cufflinks. Gavin always ensured that he was clean, down to his feet, from the top of his bald head. Yet tonight was different. His clothing was disheveled. He was sloppy. “Yeah, I know….” The tone in my voice went from the standard light stay-at-home wife to Ursula, the husky middle-aged southern black woman who kept her household in line. “So what… Did you do it?” I asked him again. In the meantime, my hand gripped the edge of the counter. It was so close that I could feel its imprint embedded within the palm of my hand. He was silent.

“Gavin CHRISTOPHER Paul, what did you do?” I grew tired of his games, but I knew what he’d been doing because my best friend, Tasha, followed him during one of the late nights and already clued me in to what I needed. Him staying out later, chasing skirts, and giving away the love that I had savored for all these years. The betrayal. Tears filled my eyes; however, I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that he broke me. “I told you I was Having fun, Lala. But nothing happened.” He uttered his pet name for me, which caused me to bite down on my lip and remember all the years that we’ve been together. I threw my head back and let out a dry chuckle at his constant lying. He doesn’t understand just how bad he had fucked up. “You had sex with her, didn’t you? Chastity? Or was it Jasmine, the refried beans hoe? ” Pausing briefly, I took a step back and started laughing maniacally. My whole world felt as if it was crashing down. I couldn’t function with him, with my life, being married to a successful Businessman.

Suddenly, Something in me snapped when I picked up the knife that I was preparing for dinner. “You coward.” The blade came across his cheek and sliced through his smooth medium brown skin. I sigh a deep sigh of relief at his screams, and I slashed him again. He held up his hands, surrendering for me to stop, begging for my love, begging for me to think things through. “Ahhh dammit. Lala. I’m sorry. I love you, baby. She meant nothing.” Suddenly my eyes went black, and I wanted to kill him. “For everything you’ve put me through, Gav. I gave up my dreams for you, and you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants.” I screamed. There’s nothing that he could do to plead his case. I wanted him dead.

His cries for help were lackluster because the kids weren’t home, and no one could hear him inside the sizeable family-sized home. Shutting my eyes, I allowed more tears to stream down my heart-shaped face and angrily cried. Next, I grabbed a napkin nearby and began dapping my face, long enough to call 911. Hello, I’m calling to report an accident. My husband, Gavin Christopher Paul, needs medical attention at 96th W 112th Street. He’s bleeding a lot….

I ended the call and stared at Gavin, who was still shocked about the events that transpired. “You crazy bit-.” Before he could get another word out, he hollered in agony as he placed my barefoot in his wound. A devilish smirk appeared on my face, relishing that I discovered a win and reclaimed my time. I could hear the ambulance sirens coming closer, yet this dark sensation grew inside me. “Clean yourself up,” I told him upon watching the french doors open and heading towards my car. I left the door wide open, so the EMTs would know that there’s needed, yet I wasn’t mentally there. As I sat in the driver’s seat, tears streamed down my face as I watched from the window; seventeen years of my life were gone and all to show for it was my children and an appraised diamond. All of my hopes and dreams were packed away in my memory, waiting for me to return to the girl that used to make things happen—but tonight reformed something in me that I hadn’t felt in a long time.

And lord knows the bitch was back.