Residents of St. Paul, Minnesota Unhappy to Learn They Used as Consolation for friend Complaining About Trip to Omaha, Nebraska

The close to 300,000 residents of St. Paul, Minnesota were shocked and saddened to learn they were recently used as an example to console a friend complaining about an upcoming trip to Omaha, Nebraska. The conversation between longtime friends was focused on an entirely unrelated topic when small talk about recent travel unexpectedly changed to a serious discussion of upcoming business trips. “I have to go to Omaha for a week in May” said one in a tone of sadness and regret. The other responded by noting “That sucks but I have to go to St. Paul next week for a conference.”

Following a brief pause during which friend one did a quick google search to confirm that the location of St. Paul was indeed Minnesota as she believed, and not some other more interesting state she replied. “Well that makes me feel better about my Omaha thing.” Although he personally was not at all taken aback, offended, or bothered in any way by the comment, friend two did wonder briefly if the residents of St. Paul might be.

As it turns out, according to sources within St. Paul, indeed they were, yet to a man they were reportedly quite pleased that they were not residents of Cleveland, Ohio.

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And now, brought to you by the good people at Vocal.media yet another <600 word count minimum bonus article. This time featuring that Russian comedian anyone over the age of 45 or so barely remembers and anyone <45 has no freakin clue about, Yakov Smirnoff, king of the Russian reversal. And no, the Russian reversal, is not some kinky Soviet era sex move, it is a type of joke. Get your head out of the gutter, gheez...

Yakov Smirnoff Announces He is Moving to Australia

Ukrainian born American comedian Yakov Smirnoff who made a career out of lambasting communist Russia has announced he will be moving to Australia after more than 50 years of living in the United States. He is globally recognized as one of the pioneers of the so called “Russian reversal”, a type of joke, usually starting with the words “In Soviet Russia”, in which the absurdity of something in communist Russia is highlighted by reversing the subject and object of a statement. “In America you <do something> to/with X, in Soviet Russia X <does something> to/with you.” In addition to his contempt for the Soviet regime Mr. Smirnoff was well known for his love of America and all things American. That love began to wane in recent years with the election of Donald Trump as President, culminating in his decision to leave the United States for Australia. At a hastily called press conference in which he announced his decision Mr. Smirnoff said “In Australia they throw another shrimp on the barbie, in America barbie throws shrimp on you.” and “In Australia they say have a go, you mug, in Russia they mug you and go.” When the gathered onlookers responded with silence and puzzled gazes Mr. Smirnoff stormed off the stage muttering “These jokes don’t write themselves you know. Fuckin douchebags.”

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Well crap, here we are again with two completed stories and still not at 600 words. That was very nice of the good people at Vocal.media to install that handy word counter at the bottom of the screen. Thank you Vocal.media IT department. Finally, and IT department that gets it. Unlike my own, which very much does not. Probably because they are stuck over there in India, where it is just so damn miserably hot and also full of the choking stench of disease and death. Plus the Ganges River, the worlds holiest fecal matter choked, parasite breeding ground. I hear that is kind of nice. lol! Of course I kid, I love you India!