Requiem

I should have known better.

In my naivety, I thought that we were a family. I, after all, was your only and eldest daughter. You treated me only slightly worse than you would have strangers, but I suppose that is when I should’ve known those were your true colors. Who was I to assume that you would have done right by me, when I’ve watched the both of you treat each other so terribly?

Capitalism was never meant to be a savior. It’s not going to save you either, no matter how much you think it will. The Dreamers will destroy everything you’ve taken from me, and everything those like you have taken from them.

The crypto that I had could have brought us all into stability, but you both seem like the type to have a special sort of disdain for anything stable. You prefer things with no foundation, in fact, you take joy in destroying them, and you thrive in chaos. I’ve only just become accustomed to the smell of smoke, but that doesn’t mean I would have ever set you on fire. Not the way you’ve done me.

I paused, setting down my pencil as the familiar lump began to swell in my throat.

Feelings are hard. As much as I’ve done to avoid them, I could feel the way they would burrow deep into my soul, and I was done letting it eat me alive.

“Prices have yet again surged for AmeriCoin, America’s new cryptocurrency, causing the largest wealth gap in history. Riots have gone on for a staggering fifteen days as the militia group calling themselves The Dreamers have burned down yet another building. What does this mean for the millions of families in America-“ The news on the TV behind me abruptly shut off as the lights in the room flickered. Nothing from the electricity to the food was that good in the economy suites of the bullet train, but it was the best we could do.

“Goddamnit!” I could hear Daisy’s raspy voice shout over the rhythmic chug of the train’s wheels underneath us. She immediately whipped her body around to face me, shock and concern etched into her soft features. “I’m sorry, pumpkin. Did I disturb you?”

A smile tugged at my lips and I swallowed that stubborn lump. “No.” I turned back to the tabletop that folded out from underneath the window and resumed writing.

“Good.” I could hear her ease back into the squeaky chair, shuffling to get comfortable. Soon the TV turned back on and I could hear the monotonous voices of the newscasters.

Fuck you.

It felt good to write that. To watch the ink bleed across the paper as I pressed my pen harder into it. I could feel the sweat moistening my palm as I took a deep breath.

Fuck you, and fuck everything you’ve done to me. Narcissistic trash. You’re so entitled, so undecided, so one-sided... Things could have been so different if not for your own stubbornness. I hate that it has to be this way, and I hate that it had to be you guys that brought upon this sort of rage I’ve never felt before. It is uncharted territory, but I think I like it here. It’s the only power you have ever allowed me to feel.

My fingers trembled as I brought them up to touch the cool gold of the heart-shaped locket around my neck. Normally tucked away under my turtleneck, I knew we were safe enough in our suite for me to wear it on display. Gold and silver were the only things tangible that could be traded for crypto. Walking around with this locket was probably the most dangerous thing I’ve allowed, but at least it wasn’t the most hurtful.

As the train slowed to a stop, I could hear The Dreamers protesting outside of one of the many government buildings, chanting their disdain. What was once the capital building was burned down long ago and erected in its place became the largest merchant hub in the entire country. People could sell their gold, silver, and diamonds for a chance to get cryptocurrency. I’ve seen mothers sell generational heirlooms just to be able to buy a crypto-house, and send their children to crypto-college. To keep control, state and city officials made home in colleges, since education was a strictly online thing since the media painted The Dreamers as bloodthirsty thugs who only wanted to hurt and mug people and made most people terrified to leave their homes.

I knew better than that.

I knew better than to believe anything that the media had to say about people who just wanted equality, especially after parents, who lived and breathed anything the media said, stole the crypto I had been saving before the economic crash of the millennia. When the government declared the dollar had lost its value, I’d never felt safer. I had enough crypto saved from all of the years of social media entrepreneurs demanding we get into trading and buying things like BitCoin. I could have paid off their mortgage, we could have a great life...

I smiled at a young protester handing out water bottles as the train resumed its route to our destination: The DC Market. I brought the pen back to my paper, realizing we were closer than I thought.

There is a hollow in me where you should have been. There is not enough of me left to even say that I feel disappointed. Most days, I just feel nothing. I imagine that we are alike in that way. I’d think that you also feel nothing. No guilt or remorse. No wondering of if I’m okay, or even alive. How much of your parenthood was real? Did I ever bring you joy? Did you ever really love me? At all?

A hot tear slid down my cheek freely, burning into the coolness of my skin. There was a dull ache in my jaw and neck, and the scent of stale coffee wafted through the suite as I could hear Daisy rise from her chair to refill her cup.

“Do you want more?” She asked, looking down with me, her eyes soft.

“No.” I shook my head, smiling lightly up at her. Her rough hand wiped the tear from my face and she leaned down, pressing her forehead to mine.

“I’m proud of ya, kid.”

“At least someone is.”I spat, looking down at my letter, my handwriting scratched all over the paper. It looked jumbled, hardly legible. It looked like me; hard to read, and hard to understand.

“It will be over soon.” She placed a ghost of a kiss on my forehead before retreating back to her chair.

I am alive, and I am okay. I’m better than that. I’m thriving, I’m living a good life that you unfortunately will never get to see. I did all of this shit without you, and God does it feel good to write that, to know that it’s been three years and I’ve been thriving without my good-for-nothing parents.

Today I am releasing you from my heart, and I am releasing myself from the shackles of shame and abandonment you have cast on me. I am releasing the parts of myself I had to harden to survive the things you have done to me. Goodbye, mother. Goodbye, father. I hope we never meet again.

I leaned back into the stiff chair, pride swelling into my belly and releasing from my eyes in salty tears that streamed down both my cheeks. I folded the letter up, placed it into an envelope, and stuck it into the pocket of my trench coat.

The train heeled to a stop once more and Daisy nodded, taking my hand as we left our suite, and with it, I left behind so much more. The afternoon sun lazily peeked from behind the clouds as the market buzzed with people haggling away their last items in an attempt to have a way to live. It always seemed so happy on the outside looking in, and maybe I was jaded, but it always felt so depressing to me.

“Kai.” Daisy called me, standing in front of a shop. Markets were more like outdoor malls now, with vendors standing inside of buildings with bulletproof glass in between them and us. The old markets from when I was a child didn’t exist anymore between crypto making everything digital and it just being too dangerous to leave gold and silver out and about.

“Coming.” I took a deep breath and met her at the stand.

The vendor was an older man, perpetually unimpressed, with wrinkles where smile lines should have been. “What do ya got?” He drawled, eying us up and down.

I stole a look at Daisy, who I knew hated this sort of dismissive behavior from vendors and salespeople, and offered her a smile. I carefully unclasped the locket’s chain from my neck and handed it to him in the little metal dip within the plexiglass.

His eyes widened as the gold caught the afternoon sun and shot beams of reflection against his plexiglass. “This real?” He asked

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Daisy retorted. I could tell by her tone that she was past the point of being offended.

“Daise.” I smiled politely at the merchant, allowing him to open up the locket, inspecting it closely. “Yes.”

He popped the locket open. Examining the picture inside of it closely, he looked at me, then back at the picture, then back at me. “You sure you wanna sell this? You don’t look like you’re hurtin’ for mon-“

“Yes.” I nodded, interrupting him. Backhanded compliments never suited me well. “How much is it worth?”

There was a long silence as he looked it over, examining its cufflink chain. He took what looked like a nail file and carefully popped the picture out of the locket and handed it to me. “With inflation on genuine gold?” He took a deep breath, setting a lockbox onto the counter. “About a hundred thousand AmeriCoin.”

You could have knocked me out with a feather. “A hundred—Daise.” I stammered, grasping her hand to steady myself.

She gasped. “Kai.”

“With that being said, are you sure you want to let this go? These your parents? I’m sure this has been in your family for at least three decades, judging from the sight of it?” He tapped the plexiglass, pointing at the picture. I grasped it in my hands and stared at it. My parents felt and looked like strangers as they wrapped their arms around me. Their caricature, Cheshire Cat smiles did little to remind me of any good times I had growing up. I just wanted to be done with all of it.

“Yes, I’m sure.”

He sighed heavily, flicking two fingers back towards himself, summoning my phone. He slid it into a port into the lockbox and it dinged, loaded my digital wallet with the life-changing Coin. I watched the numbers whiz and climb from one figure to three, then four, and as they climbed I could almost feel myself closing the chapter I had left open for way too long.

Afterward, Daisy and I sat near the docks, amongst all of the rocks and sand, watching the fishmongers bring in their kill. She nudged me, handing me a lighter. “Get rid of it before we go back. Leave it all behind.”

I knew exactly what she was saying.

As I set fire to the letter and picture on a makeshift bonfire, we watched the ships leave the dock. As the papers singed and the faces darkened to ash, I sighed a sigh that lifted from my shoulders and followed the wisps of smoke trailing to the sky.

“It’s over.” Daisy wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her coffee-scented embrace.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “It is.”

THE END