Remember to Forget Me

Memories are dangerous. That’s what Yuyu always told me.

“They’re only good for painin’ folks,” he’d said. “Either makin’ ‘em sick with wishin’ they could go back to somethin’, or drivin’ ‘em crazy with wantin’ to forget somethin’ else.”

That’s why Yuyu always drank. He’d been around a lot longer than me, so he had a lot more bad memories to worry about. But it was his dulled memory that got him blown up last year, on account he forgot where the old shells were hidden in Deadlock Field, so maybe he wasn’t that right about it after all. I like to think my finding the locket while I was burying him was his way of admitting so from beyond the grave.

Yuyu had always looked out for me in his own way, even though we weren’t blood. He’d found me stumbling around when I was real small, and apparently never managed to ditch me after that, though he used to threaten it all the time. Whoever’d had me before Yuyu, they must’ve abandoned me real quick, ‘cause I got no memory of ‘em, not even their face. I guess it looked something like mine. Granted, I’ve never seen my own reflection. Yuyu told me I was ugly the one time I asked, and said I shouldn’t worry about that sort of thing anyway.

“Better you being ugly, stars forbid you ever run into a gang a’ Mercs,” he’d growled, black-stained lips puckering around his chewing tar. “That lot don’t care what you got between your legs, so longs you’ve a pretty face. Be grateful you don’t.”

Before Yuyu died, I’d convinced myself I was fine just staying alive, wandering the border jungles with nothing but painful memories to rely on for survival. But once he was gone, once I was truly alone…I couldn’t stop thinking about the locket, and the tiny picture wedged inside.

I’d never seen smiles like the ones that greeted me when I first pried it open. The couple gazing out from behind its rusted frame had no darkness, nothing haunting in their eyes. Even now, with faded ink and crinkled edges, their faces shone with something missing from my world––something I couldn’t understand, but was suddenly desperate to find. I stared at them for hours that first day, and it took me just as long to realize why their smiles made my stomach ache. Those people––they’d lived lives worth remembering. They’d had good times like the one pictured, happy memories worth keeping safe in a heart-shaped necklace.

I remember clutching the locket to my chest, crying myself to sleep the night I buried Yuyu. The seasonal rain had come early, beating harder than usual against my tent as it muddied the ground beneath my hips and filled my nose with humid musk. Somewhere between the howling storm and my own hiccupping sobs, I made myself a fool’s promise––whatever it took, I’d make it to the only place people still lived lives worth remembering. I’d earn my passage to the Novus System, and leave this rotting planet for good.

In the year following all that––Yuyu’s death and the locket––I made as smart a plan as I could to follow through on my stupid promise. The people who ran Novus––those whose kin left Earth before the fires started and the war broke out––they liked to say anyone was welcome to start a new life there, so long as they went through the right channels and paid for an interplanet pass. Problem was, those cost a million asters a piece, and there was no kind of work here that’d get you close to earning that.

There were ways to make money in the outpost cities, though nothing particularly upstanding. Any ‘good work’ went to people from Novus, those who got sent here as punishment for breaking rules there. They always went back after doing their time, but there was always another batch waiting to take their place, so the jobs never opened up for those of us actually from Earth. Me being young, the highest paying work would’ve been selling my body, and if I weren’t ugly, I could’ve made even more doing it exclusively for Novus exiles. But Yuyu made me promise not to––he said it’d ruin me in ways I couldn’t understand. That’s why he taught me to wrap myself and dress like a boy, so I’d be less likely to get snatched up. It’s also why he taught me a better way of earning asters.

Most people in the drug circuit ended up as runners or low-level sellers, always getting hurt by rival syndicates or caught by Novus officials. The ones who did okay were the harvesters, especially those who brought rare stuff. That’s why Yuyu kept to the border jungles––he knew how to find daydream pods, little red things that grew deep underground. One sniff of their insides and you’d feel nothing but bliss for three days, guaranteed. I never tried one myself––that’s another thing Yuyu made me promise not to do––but those pods were key to my Novus plan. With the amount I could haul to Yuyu’s city contacts, I’d make enough to get an interplanet pass in twenty years, give or take.

Twenty years.

If I could’ve done it faster, I would’ve. I wouldn’t’ve been where I was, digging shoulder-deep in putrid mud. I hated the way it squelched and pulled at my arm, like the ground was trying to swallow me whole.

“Come on, dammit!”

I scowled, blinking the sweat from my eyes. Why was this pod so–

“...Are you stuck?”

The sound of an unfamiliar voice behind me made me freeze up for a second, but I recovered quickly enough, whipping around with a nasty glare fixed on my face.

“Keep it moving if you know what’s…”

I trailed off, forgetting my words as I considered the person standing over me. Beautiful. That’s all I could think, looking at his blue-grey eyes, wide with worry, and his impossibly pale skin, sunburned in spots he hadn’t covered properly. His fine linen shirt was loose at the collar, hinting at a sculpted chest underneath, and his hands…they were so much bigger than mine. They were reaching for me, helping me up.

“Are you alright? What were you doing in there?”

Painfully aware of the fact that I was covered in mud, I felt my cheeks grow hot as the boy looked me up and down.

“I’m fine,” I said, stepping back. “I’m working. So whatever you–”

“Working?” he said eagerly, moving forward to close the gap I’d just created. “Can I help?”

I squinted at him. “Can you…what? No, why would…”

My stomach twisted as I realized what was going on.

“You trying to muscle in on my supply?” I snarled. “Who sent you? Which syndicate?”

“Sorry?” the boy snorted. “Muscle in on your what?”

An easy grin tugged at his lips, the sight of which sent a strange sensation zinging through my body.

“D-don’t play dumb,” I said, stepping back again, wishing my cheeks would calm down. “I know you’re–”

“Look,” the boy held up his hands. “I think you’ve got the wrong–”

I clasped my dirty palm over his mouth and yanked him around so we both faced the same way.

“Hey,” he said, squirming, “what are you–”

“Shut up!” I hissed, squeezing his jaw, blood pounding as I strained to listen.

No, please no.

My heart leapt into my throat as the sound I dreaded more than anything else rang out again in the distance. A high-pitched whistle, echoing eerily through the trees.

“Climb,” I whispered, my voice hoarse with terror.

“Wha–”

“Climb!” I said again, pushing the strange boy toward the nearest tree. “Quickly!”

I swept away our footprints as he scrambled up the branches, then pulled myself after him as fast as my limbs would take me.

“Don’t…make a sound,” I panted, locking my hand around his wrist to keep him from moving. I flinched, and glanced up in surprise as he rested his other hand over mine and nodded.

Was he…trying to comfort me?

I turned away, legs trembling as the whistling drew nearer. Men in dark clothes appeared out of nowhere, swarming the ground below. They walked with curved blades swishing at their sides, glinting like fangs in the twilight, and streaks of black kaol smeared across their hollow, pitiless eyes. None of them spoke, they just continued whistling, heads sweeping back and forth as they gazed around, searching for prey.

What were they doing this far out? Surely they–

My breath caught as one of them paused beneath our tree. If he looked up now…

Tsssss.

The boy trapped beside me twitched as he realized what the man was doing. I squeezed his wrist again. Don’t move, my fingers pleaded. Let him piss over the entire jungle if he likes, so long as he doesn’t look up.

After what felt like an eternity, the man fastened his pants and retreated, and I let myself breathe again. I held tight to the boy until I was certain they’d all disappeared, until their whistling had finally faded to nothing more than another bad memory.

“Thank the stars,” I gasped, raising a shaky hand to my brow. “That was too–”

“Who were they?” the boy interrupted. “Why were you so afraid?”

I stared at him incredulously.

“You don’t know Mercs when you see them?”

He blinked.

“Mercs?”

I paused, again noting his quality clothes and pale, unblemished skin. Skin that hadn’t spent a lifetime under Earth’s damaged atmosphere.

“You’re…not from here, are you?” I asked, eyeing him suspiciously. Was he an undercover official? He seemed too young…

The boy grinned. “You got me. Fresh from Novus.”

“What, you get kicked out or something?” I said gruffly, trying not to blurt out the thousand questions I had about life in the System.

“…Or something,” the boy said, his grin thinning to a vague smile. “So those men. What’s their deal?”

“Their deal?” I scoffed, shimmying down the tree. “They’re vicious sell-swords who go around doing whatever they want to people, that’s ‘their deal.’”

“Must be hard,” the boy called, climbing after me. “Watching out for stuff like that on your own. Especially being a girl and all.”

“H-how,” I faltered, stumbling my landing. “How did you know I’m a girl?”

“How did I…are you serious?” the boy said, dropping next to me. “Uh, well I’ve never seen a guy with a face like yours so…”

My chest tightened as I caught his meaning. Yuyu taught me not to care about stuff like that, so why did it hurt when this boy said it?

“Right,” I said, avoiding his gaze. “You mean a face…as ugly as mine. I’ve heard people look better on Nov–”

“What? No, that’s not what I meant at all!” the boy said, grabbing my shoulders.

I was so shocked to suddenly find him so close that I forgot to push him away.

“Why would you––you’re not ugly, okay?” he said, his expression alarmingly earnest. “You’re far from ugly,” he repeated, humor flickering in his eyes. “Even when you’re covered in gross mud.”

I jumped back, cheeks flaming for a third time. I’d completely forgotten––I reeked of jungle muck, and he’d been stuck in that tree with me for so long…

“Anyway,” the boy said, shoving his smooth hand out toward my calloused one. “My name’s Arven. What’s yours?”

I hesitated, but his expectant look pulled me in.

“S-sima,” I said, my voice catching as his fingers brushed against mine. “You can call me, Sima.”

“Sima,” Arven smiled. “That’s a pretty name. I’ll be sure not to forget it.”

Thanks so much for reading Part One of Remember to Forget Me. If you enjoyed it, please leave a like and check for updates as I post the rest in Vocal’s new fiction community.

With Gratitude,

E.F.M.