Redemption

Once upon a time, I was just a girl with more abilities than an ordinary girl. I felt everything only by a touch; All your memories. Emotions and pains, Doubts and denials. All aspects of complicated human personalities. And I always had this dark side in me.

Fast forward, I grew demons in me, and the power I possessed was too much that it turned me into a monster—an immortal monster who has studied human behavior for years.

I was sent to hell. But the world decided to torture me even more. So it brought me back and gave me more powers, but this time to save the people I love, I had to banish myself to hell.

This time, I became the king of hell. For centuries, I ruled.

Now I'm here again. Living on earth. Memories of people I loved and knew are fading away. I am an Anomaly who should not be here. Should not have existed.

I found out there is a prophecy that leads me to redemption. Now I have to find it.

I went down the stone cave for half an hour. It was dark and damp. I was standing in the middle of a square stone room, walking through halls and touching the cold stone walls to see what had ever happened here. Nothing. Like no one was ever here. No memories.

It was a dead end. No doors, no windows. But then I saw it—a thin crack on the wall. I touched the crack, felt like it was draining my energy, and then a gap opened. I walked in. I turned back, but the gap disappeared; I touched the wall but, It looked like there was never a crack.

It was a tiny round room. I tried to find a way out, but suddenly, this wind came from the middle of the room pushed me to the wall so hard I passed out.

When I opened my eyes, there was this light in the middle of the room. I walked to it to see it better, and that was when I heard a sound from behind me. There was a figure standing there.

"Who are you?" I said, trying to be relaxed.

"Finally, the devil herself showed up," he said, looking at me with his deep dark eyes. "I was waiting for you," and he took a sword from behind him. He was tall, muscly, bold, and wearing a white long sleeve shirt and black trousers.

"Guess you are the keeper of a book they are talking about. Any chance you are going to give it to me?" I said and smiled.

"Right to the point! Don't you have any other questions?" he sounds a little confused.

"It's an empty room. What questions can I possibly have?"

"You are bleeding," he said, pointing at my face, raising his eyebrows.

"No, I ..." and I touched my nose. I was bleeding. "That is impossible. I am…" he didn't let me finish.

"Here is one question. No, You are not immortal in the circle." he was so proud of himself. How did he know that? "Any other questions?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm the guardian of the book." he opened his arms like he wanted to introduce himself to the audience.

So the game begins, "What book?" I said, trying to make him more confused.

He laughed, "You are good!" he said and walked around the room.

"Where is it?" I asked.

He walked towards me very slowly. If I'm not immortal here, he could easily hurt me with that sword. I was ok with that, too, if I was not going back to hell. Hell was not my redemption. He was so close to me that I could feel his warm breaths. "I am the book.”

"The book is a person?" I said, swallowing. "What now?" it looked like he was the one in charge of the game.

"Now we fight, and whoever wins can have the book," he said and touched his forehead as the book was in his head.

"It's not 16 century!" I said.

"It's the rules."

"And who made the rules?”

He looked confused. "You are different. You are asking fundamental questions. That almost never happened before!"

"Before?" It was getting more and more confusing.

"I have been fighting you for centuries."

"What?!"

"Too many questions!" he took a deep breath and continued, "I have fought every version of you who could reach this far. In this lifetime, on different universes."

"Why do I get the feeling that no one has ever won?"

"You never won. If you had, I wouldn't be here right now"

"Tell you what, you tell me what's in the book, we don't fight, we both live."

"If I spell out the words of the book, I will die. It's the whole purpose of my life, my redemption. And It's the rules."

"What rules?! I don't understand who made the rules. We are here now. We are grown-ups, so let's make our own rules." I was trying to convince him.

"You are so weird," he said, frowning at me.

"Just tell me what this book is about that has such strict rules?"

"It will make you the most powerful creature of all time. Both mentally and physically."

"I am powerful."

"Are you right now?"

He was right. I was in the most vulnerable form of myself right now."

"But you said no supernatural here!" I said.

"The power that comes within the book is not supernatural. It's natural. It comes from within each and every one of your molecules."

It looks like we had to fight, and I was not immortal anymore. "It is not fair that you have a sword, and I don't." I wanted to check my luck to see if I would get a weapon or not.

He smiled. "Oh, this is yours. I don't need a sword to fight you. I know your every move."

This is not good. "Then let's get it over with," I said, thinking about how to fight. I guess I should just throw myself everywhere and be unpredictable. Or maybe one of my others did the same thing and got killed. I was nervous. I could not remember the last time I was nervous or scared.

According to Jake, the man I once loved who made me into the creature I now am, I still had something that only I had among all my others. My touch. And it was not supernatural.

He gave me the sword. And it began. I tried to maintain eye contact, maybe distract him so I could touch him. Every time I hit him or punched him, I wanted to do it skin to skin so I would know more about the book and him. He was strong; He pushed me to the walls into the stones at one move. I could not breathe. He walked around the room. "This is a waste of time! Come on. Fight." he was angry. Yes, I was not fighting well because I needed more time to take all the information out of him.

Finally, I punched him, and the last part of the book came to my head, so much information, it was confusing, my brain was boiling out. I felt dizzy, and just for a second, everything went black.

I was distracted for a moment, and he pushed me hard, and I fell to the ground. My head hit the ground hard. He sat over me and took the sword. "I thought you were different. Guess you are just more pathetic," he said and got ready to kill me. I hit him between his legs, he fell to the ground and lost the sword. I took it and got ready for the last move.

"I don't want the book," I said, standing up. There was blood coming from the back of my head and my ear. I throw away the sword.

He looked at me very, very confused! "If you don't want the book," he paused like he was deciding what to do or say, "then I can not kill you,"

"Good" I felt relief.

"This is new. You have never asked this before!" he sounded confused.

"I am not like the others,"

"You have evolved! You are turning into your superior version." the look in his eyes, his tone of voice, he was admiring me.

He stood up, touching the wall, and a gap opened.

"Now what? We go our separate ways?" I said, exhausted.

"Why?" the man asked. I didn't even know his name. "Why don't you want the book?" he asked.

"I didn't want to kill you," I said, showing mercy.

"I was the one killing you," he said.

"I don't understand the whole reason for fighting. And don't tell me about your stupid rules, please!" I said.

"We fought to be here, right now. In this exact situation. Both of us. This is what you should have always done, spare my life, but you never did. Before this, every one of you thought there was only winning or losing, and one of us must die. But if you kill me, you are not going to get the book because it will die with me." he explained.

"So none of my others thought about this" That made sense because they didn't have my power, but it felt weird. I was ashamed to know my others were dumb not to see that there is no book without him. Or maybe he was lying.

"Ok, but a fight was useless. Not because I evolved or something. Or the fact that I know now there is no book without you. I would spare your life even if I had the book." I looked at him, "Actually, I already have the book." I said.

"What?" he straightened up.

"You said no supernatural allowed in the circle. My touch is not supernatural! It is a part of who I am." I said.

"Your touch? Can you possess my soul? You tricked me.”

"No, I didn’t. There were just not enough rules to keep me from doing. Maybe you should reconsider changing your stupid rules." I was mocking him.

I didn't like the look in his eyes. It was like there was something he knew that I didn't.

“Clever move." he opened his hands. "The book is yours. And we are both alive," he said and stood aside.

A drop of blood dropped on my shirt. My head was bleeding. I was not healing.

I turned to the man. "Why am I not healing?!"

"Because you fought me. I am strong and immortal just like you," he said.

"Who are you? I don't even know your name." I asked.

I didn't even have time to think about what I found out about the book. "Um." I tried to focus on the book. Something was not right.

"Is everything all right?" he said, smiling at me.

I felt a rush of butterflies in my stomach. Don't get me wrong, it was not love. It was fear. I could not read the book. I could not understand it. It was all patterns and shapes.

"You can not read the book, can you?" he said started walking around me. "Don't be frustrated. It would help if you had a translator." and he smiled at me.

"And let me guess, that'll be you!" I said.

"Sure. To be clear, I only accept cash." and he laughed.

He tricked me." You are good! So should we fight again? for you to translate the book for me?”

"No, now that you have the book, I will teach you how to read it, how to use it."

"That is so generous of you. I don't want to kill you."

"I can't die!"

"I'm literally confused right now."

"Now, let's sit down so I can teach you how to understand the patterns."

"How long does it take to learn it?"

"It depends on how fast you can be honest with yourself. Maybe an hour, maybe forever." He sat down on the floor, invited me to sit in front of him.

"I'm sorry, what was your name again?" I asked.

"Adam," he said.

"Tell me how you feel?" he said, like a shrink who wants to know all your deepest darkest secrets.

"frustrated, tired, and angry."

He smiled. "I mean emotionally."

"What does it have to do with anything?"

"Tell me about Theodor. Do you miss him?" he asked.

I stared at him Like he was passing his limits! How did he know Theodor? Who is he?

"Answer the question, please." he insisted.

"Yes, I miss him."

"Lie. This is supposed to be based on honesty. If you can not be honest with me, then be honest with yourself."

"What?"

"I know all versions of you, and I saw too much that I can tell when you are lying."

I just wanted to get over it. Stupid book." I don't think about him that much. It is not important."

"It is important to know how you feel."

"Why would it matter?"

"I need to know you can face your emotions rationally when the time comes."

"Time for what?"

"I know you don't feel much. I know you built a shield of insecurities around you to survive. Remember Theodor? You thought you were madly in love with him but were you really?"

"I don't understand what you are trying to achieve here." I tried to answer as honestly as I could. "I adapt to survive. I am fighting the monsters within me every moment of my life" It was the truth but not the answer to his question. Theodor's memories were fading away.

"I loved Theodor, and up until now, I thought I still do. The only thing that keeps me sane and going is not thinking about how I forget the people I love. He is fading away."

"I know you, and I know even right now you don't remember him clearly."

"You don't know me."

"That's partly true, but I see right through you. Do you remember your kids?"

A cold shiver ran through me. I could barely remember Arya. "Are you trying to prove something? Or do you want me to hate you by reminding me how miserable I am?

"Hate you are capable of, I'm sure. You need an anchor to stay sane, so try to hold on to your kids!"

"How old are you?”

"I can't remember. Millions of years old. I don't experience time as you do."

I stood up, walking, touching the walls.

"What we are doing here is important. I must get it done. I don't like it. I don't like you. But I owe this to the universe. This is our redemption." he said and pointed at me to sit down in front of him. He came closer to me. "Are you ready to be honest? I want you to be honest."

"I am."

"Do you think you are honest with yourself?"

"Yes"

"Hate to break it to you, but you are not. Do you think you love the people you were with? Or you kept telling yourself, fooling yourself that you loved them, so you don't go deeper in this." he paused, "who did you love most in your life?"

"myself"

"Another lie!"

"Theodor"

"Now we are getting somewhere! But you were not with him because you loved him. Why were you with him?"

"I don't understand."

"If you loved him, truly him, you wouldn't have left him."

"I don't want to have this conversation."

"We are having this conversation!"

"How about Boris? Jake?"

"How do you even know all this!!! This is my life!"

"Not anymore! The moment you decided to walk into that circle, it wasn't just your life anymore! So answer the question. Let me help you. If we believe that Theodor was the one, what did you see in him?"

"He loved me, for all I was"

"Everyone loves you! Every single person, man, and woman in your life." he paused for a moment, looking at me with this shine in his eyes, "Do you know what your power is? Immortality and penetration, the combination, is your most extraordinary power, but love is what I'm talking about. Your greatest power is the love everyone has for you and the passion within you. I saw it the moment you looked me in the eye. Everyone loves you." he could see right through me. It felt weird that someone knew me so well. "That's Because they see themselves in you. Because with you, they are who they truly are, whom they afraid to be - with you, they don't feel afraid anymore. They ignored themselves all their lives and then they start to accept it. This way they begin to love themselves and therefore to love you. They see the most faithful reflection of themselves in you. Eventually, that's what's going to save your life." he bent his neck a little, "But with you, it's different. You don't love yourself. You can not see it. You love no one."

He was right.

"Now tell me. Why did you stay with Theodor?"

"He was brave. He cared about me. He was funny."

"No"

"He came to hell to save me."

"Wrong!"

"He was strong."

"There it is! Strong! You loved him, stayed with him because he was strong! Because he was the only one stronger than you at the moment, who could have stopped you."

"Stop me?" I was confused.

"You said you are fighting the monsters within you every moment of your life, every second! What if they get free? Like they did before. There must have been someone who could hold you back! Remember how Jake did. Sent you to hell." He said.

But I could not remember it clearly.

"I am stronger than them."

“Yes, but you didn't know that back then. Every time you think you love someone, you think they are stronger than you in a way! Boris, Jake. You didn't know you were stronger than them until one day you did, and eventually, you left them! You are the one always leaving! Why is that?"

"Boris was just a boy. He was not stronger than me."

"Not physically. But he killed the person he loved for another person he loved! We both know you could not do that. So in that way, he was stronger than you." he took a deep breath and continued, "Be honest with me, and we are done. How can you love someone and leave?"

My mind was locked.

"Ok, tell me this, why do you always end up fighting another version of yourself?” he kept his eyes on me, "Every time you fight with another version of you, you get stronger. It's like they are just pawns in your way to reaching the best version of yourself, the superior one, which here is, could be both good and evil."

"Where are you getting at? Analyzing my life!"

"After we finish here, the last power in the whole universes will be you. And it's your emotions that decide how to use it, which version of you will gain control, the good part of the evil part. And we both know you enjoyed your time in hell." he continued, "Do you think you are a good person now? As it directly influences how you feel, tell me, can you surely tell me there is someone you love and always will love? Do you have an anchor?"

"We don't choose who to love!"

"That is completely irrelevant."

I thought about it. Me, loving someone. It was different every time. It varies. "It varies," I said.

"That is it! You are unstable! You don't feel! You, yourself, don't even know what you want! Have you ever looked back? Have you ever looked for one of them?! have you ever tried to save another version of yourself instead of killing them?"

"I'm scared. Of myself. Of my others. Because I know what they are capable of. I know what I am capable of. So I don't want to get attached to anyone" I looked at him right in the eye. "I know you hate me. You should be able to relate."

"I don't hate you. The thing is that killing you over and over for centuries was hard, and at some point, I realized hating you would make it easier. So I hated other versions of you for so long that I could not just change until I saw how different you are. I am having struggles in my mind to accept you." he was trying to be honest with me too. Maybe so I trusted him.

"Tell me about your dreams," he asked.

Oh, my dreams. "I'm floating. It is dark, and I can not see, but my eyes are open. So either I'm blind, or it is absolute darkness. Then I can see my veins. Shining, purple, all over my body. Like they want to come out from under my skin. In some of my dreams, they do. And Everything went purple, but I keep them under my skin in some. It hurt, but in the end, they turned off." I just let it go. What do I have to lose?

"I think you are ready to know about the book. You are destroying those walls and making sense of who you are." he looked down. Then he looked at me. His facial expression was different. You know, when doctors wanted to give you the bad news at the hospital, he looked like them.

"There were millions of Lifetime before you, and there will be. Every Lifetime has millions of parallel universes in it. Life goes on Until the day it reaches maturity and redemption. In all scenarios, three entities will remain and move to the next Lifetime in the end. Good. Evil. And human." he looked at the stone wall, and patterns started to shine on them. Shapes. People, Devil, Flames.

"Eve, Devil, and Adam." he moved his fingers, and the patterns changed, "We all heard the story. In some, Eve chooses Adam, and in some scenarios, eve chooses the devil." he stared at the shapes, "There is something you should know about the book. Three things," he said. "They call it the rebirth of Eve. And you are the writer." then he looked at me, "You know, understand, and feel everything by touch. You are the carrier of all destroyed universe's legacy, The writer of many lives. All those people, They will live through you. You will tell their stories." he paused, "The thing is in this story, eve and the devil are the same person. You are the paradox in all these stories. You should not have existed. You are the good and the evil at the same time. So when this happens, When the time comes for you to choose between yourself and me, the last round of this Lifetime begins."

I could not breathe. It was too much.

"You already saw the end in your dreams. At the end of everything, there is a moment when you are alone, and for the universe to continue existing, you have to choose, accept the devil's apple or choose Adam's love," he said, reaching to take my hand.

"What is the third thing?" I felt something terrible was going to happen.

He smiled. "The third thing is that in a couple of seconds, you are going to forget everything that happened here," he continued, "Until the time comes.”

I was standing in the middle of a square stone room, walking through halls and touching the cold stone walls to see what had ever happened here. Nothing. Like no one has ever been here. No memories.

It was a dead end. No doors, no windows. Just stone walls. Another disappointing journey, looking for redemption.