Rayne's 3 to 4 crazy hours

She cries with her head in the bed. He lays right beside her, playing his little video game. He looks at her briefly enough to see her brown eyes fill with tears. Quickly, he looks back at the game. He must not care if he knows she is hurting and never says one word. She gets up to go to another room so she could cry harder. "She thinks to herself," Maybe he will come and shows he cares, come see why she is crying so much, or to see if she is ok. But no, he never does. So, she starts thinking the worse.

If he does not care enough to ask if you are ok, he cannot truly love you. As Rayne was starting to wipe her tears, trying to compose herself, and her thoughts are still running wild. "How does one love you and not care if their partner is crying, depressed, or what have you, Rayne wonders." That must be it. Marty doesn't love her! She tried shaking the thought away, and she tried everything she could to get it to leave. She even told herself, It couldn't be! 19 - 20 years together, he must have some care and love for her. So, she goes back to the room. Marty looks dead at her with his beautiful blue eyes. You could tell he was tired. The red in his eyes were getting worse.

Rayne's tears were entirely out of control, running down her face, and the snot was oozing with every sob. She rushes to the bathroom, grabs the toilet paper, and blew her nose as hard as she could after washing her hand and drying them on the pink hand towel on the towel rack. She started thinking again. All wheels are spinning now, just like that. He never once stopped playing his little game. She felt as she was looking in the mirror. He never said shit, and she was right. He doesn't care nor love her, and now she will never forget it, and it will be in her brain forever.

She doesn't think anyone can change the truth; she just saw and witnessed. At least it is the truth in her head. She grabs her journal and starts writing away. Trying to dispose of all the horrible thoughts so they can be gone from her head and be released. She goes into the kitchen. She was still writing but paying attention to her peripheral vision or from what she can see past her curly poofy brown hair. Her hand starts cramping, but she doesn't stop just yet. She doesn't hear her kids come in. Axl and Jordan come in and say," Mom, what's wrong?" "Are you ok? She replies I'll be ok. Just give mommy a little time; I'm almost done with my journal entry." They say I love you. Axl kisses the top of her head, Jordan kisses her cheek, and they do their own thing. Jordan is the youngest and, she gets her way all the time. Axl is the oldest. He is 14 years old, and she is 8.

Marty comes into the kitchen, sees Rayne, goes up to her, rubs his hand on her back, kisses the top of her head (oh so gently), and walks away. Having no clue what that means, she starts crying again. In her mind, she thinks she is in a loveless relationship and has been since she was 14 years old. It's like her world is transparent now. All of her negativity doesn't fog her.