Queen of the Cathouse

It was a cold, dark winter day in eighteen fifty three when Dr. Brookstone came to The Keepers Cathouse.

As the keeper here, it was my job to keep him entertained and procure just the right lady of the night for him.

It was also my job to keep an eye on this meek looking old codger.

He’d been rough with the last lady. Today I’d assign him with a woman with muscle. I didn’t care that he preferred the dainty little ladies, as he so proudly professed, the safety and well being of my girls was more important.

“How about Melinda,” I said.

“Ah, to much muscle. I would have gone to the dandy house down the way if I wanted a man, you stubborn woman,” Dr. Brookstone scowled.

“And walk three miles down the road in this heavy snow? Well, that’s your choice, if you’d prefer it,” I said.

He stared at me in disbelief. How dare I sass him, then not immediately give in to his demands.

“Meh, fine. I’ll take muscle woman. But I’m only paying half,” he said with a scowl on his face that made him look older.

“Then we’ll just have to give you half the time,” I said and smiled.

“Why, you, bi…” he started to say and lifted his hand to my face.

“Dr. Brookstone, you know better. You want to be welcomed back, you have to show the madam respect,” I said.

He raised his other hand to my face and flicked his wrist to shoo me off, then made a guttural noise that sounded like, “Eech.”

“Eech yourself, sir,” I said.

He thought for a minute. He reached in his wallet and took out a twenty dollar bill.

He stared at it, then reluctantly handed it to me.

“Good. Good decision, Dr. Brookstone. You have one hour. Pleasure doing business with you,” I said.

“Yah, yah. Back in my day, women didn’t talk so much,” he said.

“Welcome to the new generation. Women have grown tongues,” I hissed and smiled.

Dr. Brookstone flaunted his finger in my face with a nasty scowl across his lips, but said nothing.

Then he took Melinda to a private room. I had one of the other cats stand by the door and listen for trouble, even though I knew Melinda could handle herself.

A few minutes had passed and there was the shattering of glass.

I ran over to the door to knock and see if everything was ok, and Dr. Brookstone threw open the door and came running out with a black eye and bloody nose.

“That hussy hit me with a kerosene lamp,” Dr. Brookstone said.

“You’re lucky I didn’t light a match, too, and set you ablaze. I love conflagrations,” Melinda said, walking out with a smile.

“Melinda, why did you throw a kerosene lamp at Dr. Brookstone?” I asked.

“Well, Madame DuVall, he said he wanted to check my lung capacity, then started choking me. I didn’t want my lung capacity checked, so I hit him with the lamp,” she said.

“The whore lies” Dr. Brookstone said.

“Now, Dr. Brookestone, the word whore is so pejorative. There’s no need to cast aspersions on my workers. In addition, my cats don’t lie. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave. And don’t come back until you learn some respect,” I said.

“Then I want my money back,” Dr. Brookstone said.

“Sorry, no refunds after services have been rendered,” I said and smiled.

“You’ll regret this, bitch,” Dr. Brookstone said with a scowl.

“I’m sure I will. Now if you don’t mind, there’s the door. Do you remember how to use a door?” I asked.

“Eech,” he grunted gutturally and flicked his wrist at me.

He stormed out in an angry huff.

A few hours has passed and we’d only gotten one other client. There weren’t many takers in the dead of winter.

Then a knock at the door.

I checked the spy-hole before opening the door.

“Why hello Sheriff McGraff. To what do I owe the pleasure?” I asked.

“I’m here on business,” he grunted out.

“We have a few ladies available for you. I’ll even give you a special price,” I said.

“Official business, I’m afraid,” Sheriff McGraff said.

“What official business do you speak of?” I asked.

“Well, Madam, I’m going to need to see Melinda,” Sheriff McGraff said.

“She’s tied down at the moment, I’m afraid. Can I ask what this is about?” I inquired.

“Dr. Brookstone says he was assaulted by her. He’s pressing charges. I’ve got to take her to the station, I’m afraid,” Sheriff McGraff stated bluntly.

“Now see here, Sheriff McGraff, Melinda did no such thing. She was simply defending herself from Dr. Brookstone, who tried to choke her,” I said.

“He said you’d say that,” Sheriff McGraff stated boldly.

“It was self defense,” I said.

“He said you’d say that too, and that it was a downright lie,” Sheriff McGraff said.

“Sheriff McGraff, you yourself have been a good customer here for years. You know Melinda, and you know she’d never attack anyone without just cause. If anyone should be going to jail, it should be Dr. Brookstone. Can’t we come to some sort of arraignment?” I asked and took out a hundred dollar bill. I slipped it into his pocket.

“Well, that’s very generous of you, madam, but that’s not even half of what I spend here annually. I’m going to have to take Melinda in,” Sheriff McGraff said.

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing, Sheriff McGraff. You know us. You’ve hired every one of us at some point, even Melinda. Especially Melinda. You’ve said several times she was like a sister to you. How can you do this to her. There’s got to be something I can do. What about one year of free women,” I pleaded and made puppy eyes.

“I’m sorry, Madam DuVall. I have no choice,” Sheriff McGraff said.

Sheriff McGraff pushed past me and pounded down one of the doors. The cat inside screamed and covered herself in a bedsheet.

“Wrong door,” he said. He pounded down another.

“I need you to come with me, Melinda,” Sheriff McGraff said and grabbed Melinda by the wrist.

“No. I’m entitled to a lawyer. You will leave me here until I get one,” Melinda shouted.

“You assaulted a doctor. You are nothing but a filthy, no good whore and entitled to no such thing,” Sheriff McGraff scowled and dragged Melinda out of the room by her arm.

“So it’s not even going to be a fair trial? You just automatically always believe the men?” I asked Sheriff McGraff.

“Thats right. Women are liars, and Melinda will hang for this,” Sheriff McGraff said.

“For defending herself? I don’t think so. We’ll get her the best lawyer money can buy,” I said.

“Good luck finding one, Madam D. I can’t imagine any lawyer willingly defending a woman,” Sheriff McGraff said and laughed.

“I thought I was like your sister, Sheriff McGraff,” Melinda said.

“I lied. You’re just another worthless prostitute. I’ve enjoyed hundreds of your kind. There’s thousands just like you all over the country. You’re a scourge on good, clean men everywhere. Let’s go, woman,” Sheriff McGraff growled and tugged harshly on Melinda’s arm.

He was right, we must defend ourselves. We must fight for equality in this unjust world ruled by evil men.

I grabbed a lamp and hit him over the head. He let go of Melinda’s wrist.

“Madam D, please…” Sheriff McGraff pleaded.

I grabbed one of the whips we used on men with fetishes and used it to beat him into submission.

He drew his pistol but I whipped it out of his hand.

Melinda grabbed it and pointed it at his head. Sheriff McGraff coward in fear.

“Welcome to our world, Sheriff McGraff. You will learn to respect us,” I said and smiled.

After forcing him into submission, I locked him in one of our dark, windowless cage rooms.

“Please, Madam DuVall. I hate this room. You don’t understand, I’m just doing my job,” Sheriff McGraff shouted.

“That’s what you don’t understand, sheriff. Your job is not to oppress us, it’s to protect us from assaulters and abusers like Dr. Brookstone. Clearly, you don’t know what your job is, Sheriff. Or maybe you do and you’re just a selfish sack of horse shit,” I said and smiled.

******

A few minutes had passed.

“What should we do now?” Melinda asked.

“Nothing. Just let the bastard rot in his cage,” I said.

“Who’s going to be the new Sheriff?” Melinda asked.

This gave me an idea.

I knocked on Sheriff McGraff‘s door.

“Oh, Sheriff McGraff. Would you mind sliding the badge under the door?” I asked.

“If you’ll let me out,” he said, his voice tremulous.

“That wasn’t a question. Slide it, NOW,” I said loudly.

He slid his badge under the door and I ignored his continued begging to be let out.

I took the badge and put it on Melinda’s dress.

“Melinda, I appoint you the new Sheriff of Sacramento,” I said.

“What if Dr. Brookstone comes back, wondering why I haven’t been locked up yet?” Melinda asked.

“Well, we can invite him back,” I said and smiled.

Melinda almost asked me why, but I leaned toward the old Sheriffs dark room.

Melinda smiled.

I had Dr. Brookstone’s address on file and used it to write him a long letter, explaining the situation with the Sheriff.

“Dear Dr. Brookstone,

It is I, Madame DuVall. Sheriff McGraff has stopped by and reasoned with me. He has made me aware that you were being honest about the assault. If you would please come by, Melinda would like to offer you an apology and her special services, free of charge. I hope this makes amends,

Yours truly,

Madam DuVall

The mailman didn’t come in winter, so I got on my horse and delivered the letter personally. I slid it under his door.

The next day, Dr. Brookstone sauntered into the cathouse.

“I reckon you got something for me, woman,” Dr. Brookstone scowled, then spat a wad of oozing black tar on the ground, intentionally missing the spittoon.

“I sure do, doctor,” I said and approached him.

I touched his face to keep him busy while Melinda snuck up behind him and hit him over the head with a lamp.

“I thought this was supposed to be a damned apology. What the hell?” Dr. Brookstone said.

“It is. I apologize for not doing this sooner, and more often,” Melinda said.

Melinda hit him over the head a second time, knocking him out cold. She was about to hit him on the head a third time, but I stopped her.

“Wait. It’s better to make him suffer. Lock him in the room with the Sheriff,” I said and smiled.

We dragged him into the room and locked the door.

The Sheriff had not had food or water since yesterday and let out a dry grunt.

“Please. Free me,” Sheriff McGraff said hoarsely.

“Won’t they starve or die of thirst?” Melinda asked.

“Yah, but that’s not our fault if they don’t want to eat or drink. It’s their choice not to see to it we get treated equally. They’re the ones making the choice to starve. So don’t feel bad, Melinda, it’s not murder. It’s suicide,” I said and smiled.

It took the fat, lazy out of shape Sheriff McGraff just four days to die.

The doctor suffered for six long weeks.

We later disposed of the bodies in the frozen lake, where they’d be discovered a decade later but never identified.

Rumors, however, had started to spread about my cathouse though, and we had to move a town over just to be safe from any prying eyes.

They even wrote a poem about me:

When the sun is bright, and the wind is still, she comes to you like a sudden winter chill.

Covered in black from head to toe, how the madam got there, you’ll never know.

*****

Historical facts:

Real madams from the 1800’s:

Mary Ann Hall (Virginia)

Mary Jane "Bricktop" Jackson (New Orleans)

Madame Gertrude Kellogg (San Francisco)

Laura Evens (Galveston, Texas)

Real terms from the 1800s:

"Procuress" - a woman who procures people for prostitution

"Bawd" - a term used in England for a woman who keeps a brothel

"Keeper" - a term used in the American West for the manager of a brothel

"Landlady" - a term sometimes used for a woman who rented out rooms to prostitutes